Wednesday, November 5

Men and their Balls

You sure know what I’m talking about, and you sure have seen it (probably even done it, if you're a man!) yourself.

I mean, what’s with you, guys??? Just WHY do you need to keep touching your crotch like that in public places in fronta a hundred people???

I mean this is not outta the blue. This is something I’ve long observed and loathed. Be it the policeman standing at the street corner, the paanwala chewing tobacco, the businessman crossing the road or the schoolboy playing hopscotch. Age no bar, status no bar.

If all you buggers were to form a gang, your leader would be none other than the scratch-king Salman Khan. Sallu’s crotch-happy character in Hello Brother took the cake for the grossest and cheapest and vulgarmost and extremely despicable and shoddy (you get the idea, don’t you?!) man alive. His half-squat even in Judwaa was so obnoxious. Ughhh.

I know I spoke in
Gender Benders about how men *need to* adjust themselves, but can’t that be done more subtly and a tad gracefully? You think us women got no problems when we wear teeny-weeny thongs and fancy, uncomfortable bras??!!! But we do get by, and so can you...

I think you do it on purpose. Coz you know it irritates and repels us. (I mean attracting us is perhaps the most I important thing in your list, but to attract attention is a greater priority. Which you can’t achieve by being noble and gentlemanly and sweet. So you take the easy way out. And then you do this. To display your dirty intentions and foul attitude and filthy disposition. Grrr...)

When I was in school, we used to spot this naked beggar sauntering around on the main streets in Deccan/Law College area. It used to scare us, the crazy things he did. And then it simply disgusted us. It was not like we didn’t see any mad women around. But they were well-covered. I don’t know how to explain that, but it just freaks me out.

Another addition to the freak things are eunuchs (also called hinjras). I’m mighty scared of them. I know they’re born a particular way, and I know it’s not their fault. But hell, why do they behave that way??? (Thankfully not with the ladies.) Touching them and calling for their attention and cajoling them to give money, and then doing weird stunts when they refuse, sometimes even when they give in! Mummaaaa... I freeze in terror and fear when one walks past me, or pauses if I’m with any guy. It’s a grisly situation, knowing that one isn’t counted as normal and “one-of-us”... (Check this cool quote I read on the web : A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized – Fred Allen)

And the beggars! Offooo... Li’l kids running around on main roads amidst peak traffic and signals, either touching with their grimy hands or doing some antics or thrusting their baby brothers and sisters at riders... Or deformed, eccentric adults cheesing you off by making a show of their handicaps. Gross gross gross! Do those self-reliant, fiery humans exist only in movies and books?

Now, I know most of you guys think I’ve this blog primarily for male-bashing purposes, but that ain’t true. I do admire the masculine gender for being very resourceful, fun-loving and for keeping secrets. (Would it be proof enough if I told you almost 70% of my good friends till date have been guys?) So, don’t consider even for a moment that I belong to the men-haters club. In fact, i prefer the company of men over women any day simply coz they are available, they do not pretend to be super-busy or hyper-popular, and they are low maintenance. A beer and a smoke and you can sit and chat for hours on end about silly, inconsequential matters. Sigh, life’s so easy!

(Plus there is no expectation about doing the housework after you return from a hard way at work. And you can roam around topless. And no chummssssss!!!! Boo hoooo... Wishing for the umpteenth time I was a man!!!)

(But then, maybe not...)

I guess, it's all for the best!



Sibi said...

hey princess m back again..mastaaa post yaar this scratching their balls wala line was so much funny..u r sahi yaar..mastaa topics u chose.realy lvd it tat day wen v gave those 2 boys a bite..ya men r availble all the time..but not neccesrly u need to give them a beer and a smoke i a nice day...

Princess said...

Thanks, Sibi... You know I've got enough time on my hands; can't help observing and discussing the weirdest of things ;-) All credit to dedicated and loyal blog-readers like ya!

Before you wise folks start imagining what Sibi meant by "giving boys a bite"... leme explain it means that we bought two young brothers some eatables coz they were famished. And it was adorable the way they ate!

Thanks buddy!

Sourav said...

I agree with you on many people actually scratching themselves which does seem gross but at the same time I would have to say that you can't possibly generalize that fact. There are guys who are polite and subtle and even if they do have to adjust themselves, they would do that in a private place away from prying eyes or do it so subtly that one wouldn't notice.

I have seen "Hello Brother" and found it really horrible and I know what you mean by gross. I completely agree with you on that.

It's good that you brought up this topic which I too find disgusting but never had the time to just write about it but it surely is good to find a platform to express my views even if they are through comments on your blog.

Keep writing. :)

Princess said...

You and your comments are heartily welcome, Sourav.

Thanks for following "Life"!


Unknown said...

I knew this guy.... he was a client who used to scratch his crotch and then offer to shake hands with us..... this was the begining of my career and i was so repulsed that i used to actually join my hands and do a namaste...... I still do it...... with men. They find it strange sometimes amusing when they see me joining my hands to their offer to shake hands!!! Who cares what they think!!! I am definitely not touching them!!!!

Princess said...

I know what you mean, Ranu. Ughh... gross... And even those nose-diggers... Whatever hapnd to good ol' hygiene and etiquettes!??!!!

Unknown said...

Hi Anuja,

First of all sorry for the empty post.I think i did it by mistake and i couldn delete it :)

The post is true abt men doing such things in public.

U mentioned guys life is so easy and careless. True . I think this attitude towards everything creates situations like these.

may be those who do it are so lazy and careless that they forget about personal hygiene creates such situation :)

and may be they r so careless about people around them they dont hesitate to do it in public :)

So i like girl's funda of being perfect and taking most things seriously enough helps !!!!

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