Friday, March 23

In My World...

Hi there fellas,

It’s been a while since I last wrote… About me I mean. Directly and autobiographically.

Truth be told, there was so much happening that I was too exhausted physically and mentally to sit down and write about it.

Work’s been taking a toll on me as life professionally does not seem at a great high. I’m doing the same old and trying to kick the boredom out by seeking the novel and un-monotonous. Not been too successful, so biding my time until circumstances are more opportune and bright. As they say, sometimes you just gotta wait… coz there’s nothing else you can do.

Did I tell you I holidayed in Goa in Feb? Spent a week there, didn’t wana come back. It was terrific. Having sightseen all of the state, there was little left for me to do apart from relax. That’s exactly what I meant to do. I spent half the week on the bed in my hotel, catching up on sleep and lazing around. The remaining half was obviously spent in shacks and on the beach relishing the sight of the waves and the delicious food and drinks. A week passed in the blink of an eye; nostalgia grips me as I live through each drab day back at the grind.

The fun bit is, I read barely a page of the book that I’d carried with me, intending to finish. This is remarkably unbelievable, given the readaholic I am. I have no clue how those 24 hours in a day rushed past, or how an entire week obliterated in a matter of seconds. Playing Angry Birds at Aggie’s on Calangute beach and roaming on an FZ through the lanes that led to Fort Aguada, playing with the water and sipping mindblowing coffee at German Bakery (yeah!! GB !!), a luxurious dinner at After Seven with a delightful host, chatting in the lively Baga beach lane and marvelling at the changes at the Flying Dolphin shack that I visited about 5 years ago on my maiden trip to Goa… Feb 11 to Feb 18 – shan’t forget you for a long time to come, and will come back to refresh memories as soon as I possibly can!!

Before leaving for my much needed vacation, I appeared for the final exam in Spanish. Not surprisingly, I scored 95% marks and aced the class. Call me nerd, geek or what you may, I barely studied, and yet was confident that I would do well. In fact, I promised myself to take it easy and not worry about marks (being the achievement-oriented good girl of my parents who makes them proud in every test or challenge). I wasn’t learning Spanish for an enviable mark-sheet; I was learning the language coz I was enamoured by it, and had been planning to do something new for a long time now.

The classes were heaps of fun, and I loved the jokes that I shared with my professor Mandar and my classmates Joyce, Vedika, and others. Teasing Amit, Zareen and Prajakta was never difficult, and the project display with Neerav and Hameet was a reminder of our school day presentations. Preparing for the cultural fest and studying for the tests and exams was enjoyable as well, and now, at the end of it all, I really miss those weekends when I got distressed coz I had to wake up early for class. Of course, now, without the practice and exposure, I’ve kinda lost touch with the language, but I still feel excited when I hear or see anything Spanish. Some connection, I guess.

I watched Kahaani last weekend, and I must admit, I can’t hate Vidya Balan anymore. Ask me why I want to hate her, and I don’t know how to answer that. But I was grossed out by the Silk Smita movie, and she is too bold for my liking. Yet, her acting is admirable, and I am reminded of Bhool Bhullaiya where she has delivered a fantastic performance. Given the scarcity of good female talent in Bollywood, I sure think she has arrived. She’s anyday better than Kareena, Sonakshi, Sonam and all the other newbies. Even Katrina is good to ogle at, but disappoints in terms of acting. Well well, that’s quite some praise, eh? Coming from me, Vidya’s definitely earned it :-)

I continue to read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. I started reading quite a while ago, but hey, the book’s 1000 pages long, and I haven’t had too much spare time. Besides, it’s a heavy book, and I’m savoring every page. The characters are so dignified and strong – I wish I was half like them, uncaring about people and their opinions, confident about their own ambition and choices. I do know some people like that in real life, and I plan to get there someday. Retain my warmth and spontaneity, yet be strong and dauntless in times of confusion, doubt and chaos.

As each day passes, I wonder with increasing frustration, why it is that the bad folks are popular and the good ones bitched about… Is the world so full of hypocrites that they hail each other and let the decent ones feel sidelined and criticized? I manage to see the good in every person, regardless of my personal appraisal of them. Why, then, do they not see me for who I am? If they do, why do they prefer to keep the distance? Is it better to be ignored than to be hated? I reckon. After all, they who bitch, bitch about everybody including their so called “friends”. Better off out of that evil circle, right?

Anyway… I’m also reading Karl, Aaj aur Kal by Cyrus Broacha. The creative comic that he is, Cyrus tires and disappoints me when he tries too hard. And that is what is happening with this book. It dint get too rave a review, but I wanted to read something that was light and celebrity-related. And honestly, Cyrus deserves to be read once. Once. Ahem, get the point, right?!

My latest hangouts in town – Terttulia, though it’s expensive and Subway, healthy and evergreen. I’ve recently discovered CafĂ© Leo which is a branch of the Leopold in Mumbai. It serves their USP, tower beer, which as the name suggests, is beer in a tower. It’s thrilling more than anything else, and pretty inexpensive as well. 6 mugs for 600, not bad, eh? And the range of delicious starters (you cant miss the Chilly Potato!) makes the trip totally worth it. The mocktails and cocktails are cool, too. Must visit!!

That’s all for now, buddies. Wish you a very happy Gudi Padwa and may all your “sensible” dreams come true in this new year…

Loads of love and luck to you and me!!


Thursday, March 15

When the going gets tough...

His first love.

Hers too.

To her, each time felt like the first time.

Cougar relations don’t survive, her friends told her.

Well, time would tell. It had kept mum for the last 3 years.

They were still madly in love. More than the day they’d got engaged, and less than what they knew they’d feel in a few years time…

Their love was a thriller like no other. Movies with the same theme had released and flopped in B-town, but living that life was an altogether different “story”.

Boy loved girl. Girl was dating another guy. This guy broke her heart and she wanted to keep away from commitments of any sort. Boy approached girl. They became friends, and she did not realise when she fell in love with him.

The mad kinda love that cannot be held back or manipulated.

Miya biwi raazi, but the families objected. Kya karega qaazi.

They spent days, months and years convincing their parents. Telling them about how crazy they were for each other, and how desolate and helpless without each other. The parents did not relent. Not even when they threatened to elope. “Run away,” they said, “coz we shall never agree to this match.”

Matches were made in heaven. But their realisation was subject to conditions that weren’t clearly specified anywhere. How else would you describe and explain the sad tales of Heer-Ranjha, Romeo-Juliet, and all those famous, ill-fated couples?

It wouldn’t happen to them, they decided. Society would mock them for a few days and then find other gossip to chuckle over. This was a matter of their life, and they owed it to themselves to choose what they thought was right. What happened later, they would deal with, themselves.

They ran away and got married, there was no other way. Life was not a bed of roses, but their love kept budding every day and blossoming every night. The scent of their bliss pervaded through every difficulty and carried them smiling through every struggle. Every minute was worth it, every success brought them closer.

Happy love stories are scarce, right?

Well, you shall be disappointed this time. Coz there was no shock waiting around the corner. Life continued to be merry, and what wasn’t so chilled out was made divine by their love and concern for each other.

Sometimes you gotta be brave. Sometimes you gotta go against the flow. Sometimes you gotta hurt those that worry for you and ignore when they guide you to do something.

Coz sometimes it’s not about what’s right or wrong. It’s about your heart.

A heart that is often wrong, but sometimes right.

If you ignore your heart then, you shall regret it forever.

And it’s easier to live with challenges than with regret. Coz a happily chosen test is way better than a forced compromise.

Be a fighter, listen to your heart.

If you stumble, get up and wipe off the grime.

Don’t shed a tear, don’t look back.

Be content with the fact that you chose the path for yourself.

You learnt something new, and you came out stronger.

Better a mistake than a regret.

Coz not everyone who wanders is aimless, and not everyone who quits is a loser…

Love, Luck, Laughter…

(Last line taken from the Hollywood flick “Mona Lisa Smile”)

Tuesday, March 6

Strong Spirits

A sigh escaped her lips.

Followed by a mumble…

“I’ve always been responsible, independently expected to take care of others as well as my own needs. I’ve never had a freedom to give everything up and just be…”

He turned to look at her.

She spoke on… oblivious to the fact that he was hanging on to her every word…

“Nobody realises that even I can feel weak, that even I can be helpless. They think I can do it all, fix everything, do all that is necessary…”

A tear trickled down her cheek.

“You have no idea how difficult it is… How I have to swallow my desperation, and show everyone the brave face that they think I possess no matter what the time or situation…”

Another tear, and then another…

“I have my feeble moments, too. And the worst thing is I can’t even admit it…”

He held her hand. The trickle gave way to a river. A river of tears that stung his own eyes.

“I can’t admit that I am weak and powerless. That even I am helpless. That there are times when even I, who has a solution for every goddamn thing in the universe, feel lost and miserable…”

She shuddered. He could see the effort it took her, how it drained her, and yet made her feel stronger by confessing. Words that she had never uttered in her life, and probably would never again.

“That there are times when I wish I could lie back and pretend to be frail and vulnerable, and wait for someone else to show me the way. Someone else would protect me and guide me without me having to use my brain, abilities and resources. Be to me, what I am to almost everyone around me. Feel the kind of security and reassurance due to someone else that people near me feel because they have me.”

He hugged her, his eyes moist.

“I’ll be there for you, baby. I’ll take care of you…”

She wept. The dam had broken.

He loved her. And he would never let her down.

The tears flowed on… With relief this time…

- Princess

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