The Secret (NOT by Rhonda Byrne, but by someone more or less competent enough)

A new month... A new day...
Last November was my "Sweet November" where I spoke about fun weekends, Mum's crazy Diwali cleaning, (and before that, funny toilets across the world, hehe.)
This year... today... Men, this is your lucky day!

As the title clearly mentions, I’m gona divulge a secret. Highly confidential. Absolutely hush-hush. An enigma. Clandestine and furtive.

This isn’t about Rhonda Byrne and how one can achieve something in life merely by wishing it. It’s the key men would die for...

The key to what? The key to what women want...

(Cheers!)

(Applause!)

(Shrieks!)

Enough of the side effects and showbaazi. Lets get down to work.

Though women can be classified in a trillion-odd ways, here are the 3 broadest categories, according to a wise, astute, smart lady (Ahem, need I say more?!) :

1. The tomboys and completely independent, feminist types
2. The coy and reticent, pati-parmeshwar, gaon-wali types (aka traditional Hindustani naaris)
3. The somewhere-in-betweens who like being self-reliant, yet don’t mind being pampered like a woman once in a while.

Waise women are always hard to please, however they may be. The second type is your saving grace, as they don’t expect much and don’t challenge anything you say or do. (Unfortunately, they’re on the verge of extinction thanks to modern society and westernized values.) These are normally the types men want as wives coz they live like slaves and don’t bother anyone much, accepting their fate as husband-server and children-caretaker. If you find one, hold hard and don’t let go!

The tomboys and feminists, treat them like one of the guys, and you’ll do fine. They don’t need much attention or indulgence. Turn their equality mantra back on them, and stay safe. Don’t mess around or take liberties, else bear the brunt.

The next and most frequent (and possibly the toughest) category is the in-between types, who can’t understand what exactly they want. They seek and cherish their freedom, but they don’t want to completely give up on being a woman the womanly way. They want to be pampered and flattered, yet they’ll object when you treat them like a dainty doll and act over-protective and possessive. They’ll want to have their own bank account, but they’ll expect you to spend on dates and dinners. They don’t wait for you to hold doors open for them, but they’ll certainly like it if you hold their hand as you walk in public (though they may object superficially!).

So, how do you woo this last type? Here are some quick tips:

- A bunch of flowers (her favorite, if you know them, else roses are your best bet) without occasion or event delivered with a note – Jus coz I love you OR Coz m crazy about u... (I personally prefer lilies or orange gerberas; just so you know!)
- Take her for coffee to a hangout with a jukebox, where you pre-programme the machine to belt out her favorite numbers or songs that connect to both of you, all introduced with a lovey-dovey mush-mushy message (Note: Mood-check. Pls don’t do this if you know she will be embarrassed, or if she’s got something on her mind. You’ll screw up BIG time.)
- A HUGE greeting card and a HUGE soft toy – Size does matter. Why these gifts? Oh, just! You were walking by, and ....
- Fix a dinner date. Let her talk. About herself, her day at work, her family, her ambitions, anything. Listen attentively. Nod at appropriate places. If she asks you to say something, say – I love you / You’re looking fabulous / I love your smile, etc.
- Stick “love you” and “miss you” notes in places where you know she’ll find them
- Remember and enquire about the tiniest things about her (her pet’s scratched paw, her last assignment at work/college, her books and music, the last time she wore a skirt...)
- Let her catch you looking at her lovingly, and then look away with a shy smile
- Make her smile by doing things you know she likes (when in doubt, just start praising her! A sure-shot way to make her feel good no matter the time, place or mood!)
- Encourage her to explore her talents and build her confidence

Hushhh... Grey cells in over-drive... These should last u thru this week... More later...

Love,
Princess

Disclaimer : The above are the general views and observations of the author, and may or may not apply to every woman. Find out what your lady likes and dislikes, and don’t tell her you anticipate her to fall under any label or stereotype! Telling her she’s unique (however she may be actually) will score brownie points.