I mean, what’s with you, guys??? Just WHY do you need to keep touching your crotch like that in public places in fronta a hundred people???
I mean this is not outta the blue. This is something I’ve long observed and loathed. Be it the policeman standing at the street corner, the paanwala chewing tobacco, the businessman crossing the road or the schoolboy playing hopscotch. Age no bar, status no bar.
If all you buggers were to form a gang, your leader would be none other than the scratch-king Salman Khan. Sallu’s crotch-happy character in Hello Brother took the cake for the grossest and cheapest and vulgarmost and extremely despicable and shoddy (you get the idea, don’t you?!) man alive. His half-squat even in Judwaa was so obnoxious. Ughhh.
I know I spoke in Gender Benders about how men *need to* adjust themselves, but can’t that be done more subtly and a tad gracefully? You think us women got no problems when we wear teeny-weeny thongs and fancy, uncomfortable bras??!!! But we do get by, and so can you...
I think you do it on purpose. Coz you know it irritates and repels us. (I mean attracting us is perhaps the most I important thing in your list, but to attract attention is a greater priority. Which you can’t achieve by being noble and gentlemanly and sweet. So you take the easy way out. And then you do this. To display your dirty intentions and foul attitude and filthy disposition. Grrr...)
When I was in school, we used to spot this naked beggar sauntering around on the main streets in Deccan/Law College area. It used to scare us, the crazy things he did. And then it simply disgusted us. It was not like we didn’t see any mad women around. But they were well-covered. I don’t know how to explain that, but it just freaks me out.
Another addition to the freak things are eunuchs (also called hinjras). I’m mighty scared of them. I know they’re born a particular way, and I know it’s not their fault. But hell, why do they behave that way??? (Thankfully not with the ladies.) Touching them and calling for their attention and cajoling them to give money, and then doing weird stunts when they refuse, sometimes even when they give in! Mummaaaa... I freeze in terror and fear when one walks past me, or pauses if I’m with any guy. It’s a grisly situation, knowing that one isn’t counted as normal and “one-of-us”... (Check this cool quote I read on the web : A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized – Fred Allen)
And the beggars! Offooo... Li’l kids running around on main roads amidst peak traffic and signals, either touching with their grimy hands or doing some antics or thrusting their baby brothers and sisters at riders... Or deformed, eccentric adults cheesing you off by making a show of their handicaps. Gross gross gross! Do those self-reliant, fiery humans exist only in movies and books?
Now, I know most of you guys think I’ve this blog primarily for male-bashing purposes, but that ain’t true. I do admire the masculine gender for being very resourceful, fun-loving and for keeping secrets. (Would it be proof enough if I told you almost 70% of my good friends till date have been guys?) So, don’t consider even for a moment that I belong to the men-haters club. In fact, i prefer the company of men over women any day simply coz they are available, they do not pretend to be super-busy or hyper-popular, and they are low maintenance. A beer and a smoke and you can sit and chat for hours on end about silly, inconsequential matters. Sigh, life’s so easy!
(Plus there is no expectation about doing the housework after you return from a hard way at work. And you can roam around topless. And no chummssssss!!!! Boo hoooo... Wishing for the umpteenth time I was a man!!!)
(But then, maybe not...)
I guess, it's all for the best!