Post No. 50 - Shaadi Ka Ladoo
First of all, thanks to all of u for joinin me here on this post. Half a century done, and many more to come! When I wrote my first blog, never for a moment I thot I’d keep at it so relentlessly, and your love and encouragement was sumthin I never imagined in my wildest dreams. But well, both came together, and here we are celebrating this landmark! Cheers! (Wheeeeee, this feels great!!)
Back to business... A lot of people are getting married - my frens, frens of frens, family frens, and the entire universe out thr. Marital bliss seems to be the ultimate desire of Gen X (or Y or watever). Have I joined the bandwagon? Not yet...
(Hehe, couldn’t resist sharing this, wid evry1 tying the knot around me, somehow my dreams showed me the image of my Head of Dept bac in the Univ holding a wedding invitation and requestin me to attend the function! This wouldn’t hav been so outrageous had he not been married for a good 30 years at the least, and wid grown-up children! Dreams are ridiculous!)
So wat exactly do you look for in a life partner? Looks? Money? Understanding? Patience? Romance? Commitment? Family background? .....
Be it love or arranged, I guess most of the parameters are common. Nobody wants an irate, good-for-nothing, inept, hapless dharti-pe-bojh. At least not for starters. (It doesn’t really help coz post-marriage, everyone feels their partner has suddenly grown horns and fits this description to the T).
Ask the teenage girls, and they croon... “Ooohhhh! I want a guy who is caring, understanding, sweet, cute...” Add about a hundred other vague metaphors and bingo! You hav outlined their perfect guy.
Ask them a lil later whn they start working and hav a lil experience with the real-life guys and relationships, and they’ll say wid practiced clout, ease and candor ... “Well, he must be financially stable, mature and liberal”. All the rosey, lovey-dovey ideas seem to hav escaped like steam from the cooker!
What about the men-folk? At any age, each male wants a partner who is beautiful, fairly clever (yet dumb enuf not to see thru his silly excuses), and tolerant. Someone who can fulfill his simple needs (read food, sex, sleep) and not crib too much. Although several applaud the independent, self-sufficient 21st century woman, not many would want to have such a strong-willed and smart-minded wife. Especially if she has more power, status, salary and intelligence...
When it comes to the parents (assuming they HAVE a say in the matter, in the first place), they obviously are looking for a match where both husband-wife can live together in peace and harmony thru thick and thin. So, more than love and mush, their appraisal is based on tangible possessions and long-term, tried and tested, researched and proved qualities. (Quite sane, I mus admit! Especially coz arranged marriages seem to last longer than love marriages. As they say, in love marriages, the marriage is screwd after the love ends! And love is screwd the moment the nuptial’s complete).
Reminds me of a note I read in Myers’ Social Psych text at M.A. It talks about paradoxes like “Is it true that opposites attract? Or that birds of a feather flock together?” and “Is pen mightier than the sword? Or do actions speak louder than words?” another one “Are two heads better than one? Or do too many cooks spoil the broth?”
Cool, eh? Anyways, the point is what makes an appropriate couple - opposites or alikes?
In my opinion, opposites do attract, but they don’t stay together for too long. It’s very exciting and endearing to sacrifice your likes and needs for the person u love for a short while. But in the long run, you need someone who shares your views and choices. Cuts out the pressure and the clashes. I wouldn’t be too thrilled if my partner were to suggest swimming when I wanted to sit home munching on popcorn and watching the reruns of my favorite shows. And who gives in to who? And for how long? Deals like sometimes you and sometimes me often become a game of “I always do what you want” and “You never listen to me”. (Just like whn me and my mum play cards and both keep cribbing that “Its always me who deals the cards!” To hell with the always... in all ways...)
So, wat kinda partner do I want? I remember my uncle asking me the same Q when I was fresh outa school and I made this entire list of items starting from “hygiene” to the all-pervasive “understanding” to about 10-12 other terms. Then, when I told him I’d found someone suitable, he made me sit down with the list and tick the items that matched. Quite a few did. Now when I think back to the outdated list, I feel so silly. Time for a new one! (Which I’m sure will also sound archaic when I refer to this at a later date!)
Anyways, here goes! In random order...
A guy with...
1. A masculine and agile body (stay away, paunchy!)
2. Practical knowledge and moderate-high intelligence
3. A great sense of humor (laughter goes on forever, even after words end)
4. Financial security and stability (as the wise folks say “pyar se pet nahi bharta!”)
5. Concern for family a little greater than commitment to work
6. The capacity to see the brighter things in life (pessimists and cynics, please excuse)
7. Oodles of patience for my monstrous ego and short temper!
8. The willingness to keep wife, kids, wife’s family (and others who matter) happy
9. Honesty, adaptability and cleanliness (in body and mind!)
10. Not too many strings with the past (in terms of obsessions wid prior girlfriends)
11. Enormous confidence and trust in me, my judgments and my abilities
12. The ability to rise over challenges (sissy or crybaby not welcome)
13. An objective yet caring outlook; good balance of emotions and practicality
14. Tremendous energy and enthusiasm (lazy ones take a hike!)
15. An open mind (not so open that his brains fall out!)
16. No addictions to drugs, smoking, alcohol, gutkha, etc
17. Lots of love and dedication to me first, kids next and others thereafter
18. The strength to own up to mistakes and ignorance (no trumpet-blowers, please)
19. Gratitude and appreciation for others (not an evil critic on the rampage who takes everythin for granted and behaves as if he was born to be served!)
20. The knack of getting things done, and the benevolence to acknowledge and repay it
I guess I shud stop thr... The list could actually go on forever, but nobody said I wasn’t looking for a customizable hubby! All you matchmakers out thr, if you’re listening, and if u gotta guy in sight like dat, pls knock on the Rathi’s door and display your goods! Ladki baalik ho gayi hai ;-)
Raising a toast to the newly-weds and engaged!
May you have a long, happy, married life!
And may the constant bickering (the supreme sign of a wedded couple) be laid to rest as you re-discover the goodness in each other!
And the joy of being together...
(Don’t prick up your ears, gossip-mongers. That doesn’t mean m engaged or anything. It’s jus a state of mind... Adios!)
P.S : (On Oct 15) What could be better than this?!! My blog's gettin noticed, and this post was requested by Simply Marry - a marriage portal to list on their bridology page! Cheers!!! Here's the link: http://www.simplymarryzine.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=20&Itemid=96