Monday, January 16

New Year, Old Ambitions

I find it funny and frustrating when people say they are waiting for the "right" time to do/start something that they call a passion or goal. 

We have the proverb " No time like the present" thrown to us from the pages on the web and even before that, from the our grammar books in school, and yet people don't get the message.

I find it ironic and infuriating that I am one of these people. 

This procrastinating tendency has kept my childhood dream of writing a book under cover for years. 

I watch the bursting shelves in bookstores and the endless views online for books published by individuals who don't even qualify to be called a writer. Writing endless supplements during matriculation and college sure isn't a pre-requisite (or precursor) for this talent. But if I'm such a whiz in this area, then why the hell have I not done anything to keep bookworms content with my potential?

No answer.

Just too busy with life to even write on my blog called Life...

A blog that you wonderful people have decided to follow and subscribe, visit and motivate. 

Work happened, marriage and motherhood. Other goals became priority and this item on my wish list was pushed deeper below. Despite my uncle promising to publish my book of poems, and despite my husband encouraging me to commence on my writing journey, I have managed to take a step and a few more, but never reached the destination. The intent is there, the effort missing. 

I am not brave enough to quit my full-time, well-paying, cushy, satisfying job and pursue this hobby. Quick gratification and security is blinding my eyes to the glimmer of fame and freedom. Even before I have worked on the plot of my story, writer's block and laziness are scarring my dedication. What if it doesn't work out? What if it's just another book on the shelf, a tale in the saga? What if the book fails? What if people ridicule and shun it? What if I don't get published? What if my books lie untouched in bookstores? What if I become the laughing stock of the society?

I know none of this will happen. Even if it does, I won't be the first, or the last, or the only one. Yet, I am afraid. 

Venting on this blog to you is one thing, friends. Writing a book and exposing myself to the world is an entirely different ball game. 

Wise men ponder while fools rush through. My dillydallying is leading me nowhere. 

Show me the way, God. 

Show all of us uninitiated ones where we need to be and what we need to do to get there.

I put myself in your hands. 

Coz I'm so clueless and lost...

Riding pillion, with no passion of my own. Just going with the flow, and yet having to battle it out with the waves. Helpless in my aggression and stumped in my frustration. 

I need a time out. 

Anuja, OUT. 

- Princess 

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