Ola October!

Hello my beauties.

Dassera is round the corner and Diwali festivities will soon begin; the cleaning and shopping has started awrite!

Top of the list is obviously stuff for the little one, and amidst the regular clothing and toy gifts, what's noteworthy is that the chap wanted Alexa so an Echo dot finds itself on its way to us. Mum wanted a mixer grinder to dish us some amazing chutneys and I placed that order with delight. I did think I deserved a new mobile device since I'd treated my old One Plus 3 very preciously and it had given up on me with a faulty front camera several years ago. So the Amazon sale tempted me with a brand new red One Plus 7. I realised much later it has no headphone jack, which added the cost of a wireless headset to my cart and expense. Oh and some books and garments. All a day's work. Ab Diwali duur kahaan...

With sales and offers running round the year, festivals are not really an occasion to purchase anything. These special days are excuses to cherish moments with your loved ones. Due to a bad marriage, I've missed cherishing the most important times of my life - birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, festivals...

The night of my wedding, I had a fallout with the man, and for many years later, I regretted going ahead with the ritual regardless. I missed the warm welcome and fun that accompanies moving to a new house and family since there was not a single soul to invite me home. I had to share my friends and family, since the man had nobody to call his own and no relation to offer to me as a new bride and partner. Seven years of marriage, and just a few occasions that were celebrated with peace and joy. Half the times he did not even wish me since we were fighting and most of my nights were spent cursing my destiny and crying my guts out.

My pregnancy was a nightmare despite my good health, and my postpartum days were depressed and lonely since the emotional abuse was abundant and endless. Even as I continued to work outside full time, manage the house and raise my son in the best way possible, I was always sad inside and missed a loving companion I could trust and rely on. Someone who was proud of me and valued me. Instead I was tolerated and misunderstood, criticised and ignored. I was lied to, and I was tortured mentally and physically, and each passing day had me convinced that life was worthless and hopeless. That I was not a good person. Any vacation and every family function was reduced to misery because of his whims and fancies. I almost came to a point where I considered I'd never be happy.

Sadly and shockingly, I thought I deserved it and chose to empathize with the villain of my story who treated me like trash. I actually believed that he was suffering and I was wrong. All for love. Stupid, unrequited love. Blind adoration. Mad obsession.

Or so I thought. Now that I think of it, it probably was ignorance and lack of experience on his part. He was just reacting and learning, with no precedent to follow and no experience to rely on. He thought he was wronged and I managed to blame him for most things.

I deserved someone who would stand up for me, not coz I needed to be protected but cos I was worth being respected. Someone who would appreciate me for my strengths and how I added to his life and happiness. But no matter what I did, whether to support him or celebrate him, be it 2 birthdays in a year or being there for him when his family and colleagues exploited him, reminding him of his goals and pushing him to achieve them, nothing was good enough. Misunderstandings were endless, and I doubt he ever realised who really cared for him and wanted the best for him. His blind worship of undeserving folks that he called friends and family made him lose us several times, but somehow destiny always brought us back together. It still hurts that we were so daft and turned our worlds upside down for people and matters that didn't really matter. We hurt each other, burnt our hopes and dreams in the pyre of our marriage to become a campfire for the ones that never cared... But I guess, good things come to those who wait. And we both needed time and a few hard knocks for good sense to prevail.

I'm happy I have such a strong capacity to adore someone so passionately and fully. I did it once, and then I did it again, multiple times with te same man. And eventually like a fairy tale, this has worked out perfectly. Better late than never. This was absolutely worth holding on to, and never letting go.

I suffered. As did he. So did my parents. And most of all, our child, who deserved better.

But enough about that again....

Let me tell you how much I've enjoyed reading The Last Mrs Parrish by Liv Constantine. The sisters that go by the pseudonym have done an amazing job, painting the picture of a love triangle and tracing the depth of different characters. The pages come alive as you read the woes and triumphs of the protagonist, both perspectives delivered with full justice and sincerity. Definitely worth reading, take my word. I'm going to return to my Harappa trilogy - the last one Kashi beckoning from my shelf, as Agatha Christie and Chandragupta await their turn.

I've been catching all the movies too. Latest was War starring Hrithik and Tiger Shroff. Good acting, average story, handsome hunks who dance well and fight better. Full marks for action that seems ridiculously overdone, but then with two Greek gods in the movie, they got to be milked for their worth.

Also watched Criminal Justice on Hotstar, some awesome acting there as well. Pankaj Tripathi and Jackie Shroff have taken the cake even as the main hero - Vikrant Massey hogs your empathy along with his supporting lady roles in the form of lawyer and sister.

So you see, months are flying, and there's not a dull moment. Every day for me is Thanksgiving day for being alive and for having a world of opportunities ahead of me.

The past can only bother you until you find a present with a future. You got to evaluate what you've learnt or lost after every decision and failure in life. If you've done your best, then you got to stop beating yourself over the miserable mistakes. It's only a matter of time before life offers you another chance at happiness.

Keep your eyes, arms and heart wide open, amigos. Adios!

Love
Anuja

From Up Above

Hiya,

Happy Dassera, you'all!

Writing to you from mid air right now. (Obviously will post it once my flight lands!)

All I can see are diamonds and emeralds, rubies and sapphires. Busy moving jewels and endless streams of pearls. God must be delighted watching this scene from up above, day after day. 

God has also been more than kind to me, I do realize day after day. Maybe God favors the brave, or God helps those who help themselves. Either way, I accept the compliment (made by self) very graciously and thankfully. The pieces of my puzzled life have fallen together and I have crossed the eye of the storm to reach the calm. 

My new workplace seems fantastic, and while it's too early to say, I do believe 2 weeks is a good time to understand the true culture of a company and the people within. To put it in a nutshell, they've all made me feel so special and comfortable, it's like I belong here. And that's a huge statement, given that several people (and leaders) think the universe revolves around them and everyone else is second citizen or at their mercy. 

So, as 2nd Vice President at Northern Trust, I have joined the Enterprise Learning and Development team under the HR function. We're a lean team, and there's loads of exciting stuff in the pipeline so I'm totally looking forward to all my time of learning and network building. 12 years in the training domain have equipped me with reasonable expertise and my Master's in Psychology has bestowed me with fair insight to believe that this is going to be an exciting phase in my life. Not to mention, everybody who has blessed me and stood by me through times when the going wasn't so great. Change is the only permanent, my friend! Hang in there and good times will be here soon...

So, I'm in Bangalore for 2 weeks now, chilling at the Courtyard Marriott and working out of my office next door. What I did do in the short break before I joined NT, is enjoy a quick trip to Bhutan with my mum and offspring. While it wasn't the best vacation of my life (Ladakh was more mesmerizing and being with the superactive/stubborn duo was immensely tiring), it sure added to the stamps in my passport and enhanced my awareness about Buddha, the Divine Madman, and dzongs (=monasteries) in general. What probably stands out in my memory the most, is Punakha's Phallus obsession and the story of the Bhavachakra, as well as the surprisingly fresh air and juicy fruits and vegetables in Bhutan. There were many foreigners, especially at Taktsang monastery, famous as Tiger Nest - a huge edifice miraculously perched on top of a mountain, a trek that is not advised for the faint of heart and vigor. No doubt then that my mommy trounced the journey and added yet another feather to her magic stamina at 60 hat. The bash we threw at her birthday few weeks ago could well be mistaken for her 30th, LOL. What tenacity, what beauty, and what cooking skills! She's really a wonder. May she live long and healthy.

Coming up soon is Diwali and little Aaru's birthday. My new house is all ready and set to go on rent, since we've moved to a larger and posh-er apartment closer to my new workplace. So there, all sorted. The man is well, and a better man in many ways. We've caught up on some fun date nights at Kharadi's World Trade Center party destinations, and some films like Andhadhun (more frustrating than Brij Mohan Amar Rahe and Udta Punjab) and Badhai Ho (amusing one with great acting). We've also made the most of the Amazon shopping sale and other online scams. In a bid to save 20%, we have heartily spent 90% of our savings. Ha ha. Educated idiots, the bunch of us. Slaves of technology and trends. Bah.

And that's all I've got time for as we land in Namma Bengaluru. Talk to you soon. Ciao.

Cheers!

Anuja

Show me No Shows

I just gave someone my blog details, and then I realised... All I have been going these past few months/years is cribbing outside and flaking within. Gawd, the way my blog has evolved is from fun and happy-go-lucky, creative and lively to cynical and grumpy under the guise of wise and resilient. 

I earlier thought my long writing gaps and absences were my miss, but now they appear a boon; too much crabbiness for you to deal with already!

So, well, let me tell you what I've been doing these last 2 months, and what I plan to do these next few weeks...

Let's get the basics out of the way - I watched Sacred Games, all 8 episodes in Season 1, and I uncovered just how much social pressure shapes our actions. The show was good, though not extraordinary, but what struck me, was how much of a prisoner we have become to technology and entertainment. Earlier we used to wait one full week to watch the next episode of one of the handful shows on TV, but now with Netflix, Amazon Prime, SonyLiv, Voot, Hotstar and what not, we sit down like mindless zombies and keep watching episode after episode on loop, totally out of control of our brains, and utterly manipulated by the entertainment providers. Just how useful are these shows anyway? Do they teach us anything new, anything worth knowing, something to not be missed? 

No. All they do is give us meat to talk about to our peers who are senseless zombies like us, and ways to engage our mind and divert it from other, more ambitious, constructive actions. Real hobbies are dead today, because all we mention in our CVs and online portals under the hobby section is watch TV and listen to music. I used to write poetry and stories on my blog; these last few years - all I have done is write reviews of shows and movies and (very rarely) books. Damn! Just where did I go wrong... I thought I was a sensible lass, what crass!

The person who reminds me I am better off, is my husband, whose aim in life seems to watch all videos under the sun, useful or otherwise. The only person in my life who truly seems to have a balance of live versus unreal is my son - he is the one who enjoys conversations, likes to be outdoors and connect with the real world. He does like an occasional cartoon or two, but he's far superior to us adults when he says, "Enough now, let's play together". Child, indeed, is the father of man. Thank you, little Aaru, for teaching me this crucial lesson. 

We look for validation in all that we do. Am I watching the latest shows? What am I missing out on? What is everyone around me doing? How badly will I suffer if I am left out? 

We have lost our souls and our individualities. Me, no exception. I loved Game of Thrones after initially shunning it, until I could bear it no longer. I am eager to watch the ultimate season next year. I love Roadies that I religiously follow every week on Voot, and Splitsvilla, all thanks to my hero, Rannvijay Singha. I also have an inclination towards horror and comedy on Netflix and Amazon Prime. Koffee with Karan and BFF with Jeep was also interesting. 

I was drawn to this easy channel of entertainment, an obsession that kept me away from intelligent pursuits like reading, writing and doing something more tangible. I said work and the kid exhausted me, so I sunk into the sofa with my mobile phone and spent hours online, disconnected from real life, real people and my real self. I had no time for praying and meditation or exercise. But I was always available online. WhatsApp and Facebook made me more distant from those that sat right next to me. I left WhatsApp groups that were not relevant or useful, which made me watch dumb videos and memes, and shared endless Good Morning and mindless banter. I unfriended/unfollowed folks that I did not resonate with anymore. I make it a point to keep my phone away when I am with people, and I try not to look at it, until absolutely essential. I spend time on LinkedIn and news sites, and I have disabled all notifications from time-wasting apps. 

I am guilty, consider me reformed. 

Drawing a line is critical, to know when to stop and where to focus. It does not mean that you have to completely end something, but you need to know what is urgent and important, if you want to live life the best possible way. You decide your priorities, but your achievements determine your life. Be a fool and a slave to the wrong things, and that's all you'll ever be good for. Crap. A wasted life. Nothing to write home about, and a feeling of worthlessness long after the ship has sailed and others have moved on to greener pastures and better lives.

I hope the right people read this, I hope this post touches at least one, at least some of you. It will be my personal victory if you get on board with me in this struggle that appears flimsy, but will be a turning point in the long run. Evaluate your time, your life, your decisions. Anything that you should not be doing, quit. Something that has been on your bucket list forever, do it now. Clothes that you haven't worn and stuff you haven't used in the last 6 months, throw it - you will never use it again. Trust me. You won't miss it. For all you know, you don't even know when and where you misplaced it. Friends that you haven't met in ages - well, either you are not friends anymore, or you need to take the time to rebuild that relationship which you have taken for granted and cast away to the dogs.

I had only been thinking of blogging for some days. 

I did it today. I'll procrastinate later, I said. 

Get up, get a life. Get your life back. 

Lofty words. I know. But easy to do, no? 

Rephrase: 
Instead of "I don't have time"
Say - "You/This is not a priority"

Instead of "rejected"
Say - "redirected"

Your life will change. Don't mess up the big things for the small stuff. 

No regrets; that's what your epitaph should say.

I'm here if you need me. 

Cheers!
Anuja    

Out(r)age

Hola Amigos,

Happy Women's Day to all the ladies and not so gentle-women out there!

How dining and gifting privileged females today contributes to upliftment of women, remains a mystery to me, but it sure is a lot of fun in our corporate and social circles, so YAY and bring it on. But, the women who TRULY need freedom and rights are the ones that have not even heard about riffraff like Women's Day. More power to them, and may they experience life and joys in whatever ways accessible to them. Amen. #PressforProgress

And in the same vein, men, you un-thank-ed, only despised and criticised species, more love to you guys too. You're expected to be strong yet controlled, gentle yet "manly" at the same time. You're supposed to have your act together and have an answer for everything. My heart goes out to you. Keep doing the best you can, just like us women, and children, and open category and reserved tribes and minorities. Godspeed to us all.

Travel and relocation when you're single is an exciting proposition, replete with adventure and learning. Moving houses with a toddler is nothing short of a natural calamity. The entire search begins with criteria that you had no clue about a few years ago. While grocery shops in the vicinity is important, a play area gets precedence. Similarly, your office could be a fair mile away, but the school and daycare need to be clean and convenient. How you balance the trade-offs is harder than deciding the ratings during this appraisal season where layoffs and poor hikes are changing the team and game. Pleased to report, in light of this realisation, that we have finally found a workable solution and space for all our needs. Life 2.0 begins this April 2018. Stay tuned!

But that's not going to be the end of this post. No. There's outrage that must be dispelled. Why, you ask? Or maybe, AGAIN? Ha ha.

As I comb websites and browse info for my son's admission, I come across many parent forums and groups, and all of them have one thing to share this quarter - how schools are harassing us for donations and exorbitant fees. The same curriculum and activities are offered by different schools at entirely different rates. I agree that infrastructure and facilities could vary, but that is not explained by 4 lac building fees and X amount of random, undisclosed charges. How much money can we cough up anyway? And how much extra will our kids learn anyway, given their age and capacity? I really think parents should be cautious and responsible when dealing with such shameless schools, well-established ones at that, and take a call on how much is fair and when they need to voice their concern. As long as parents stay quiet and comply, schools and institutions will continue to exploit. The one who allows and accepts torture is equally to be blamed as the oppressor, after all.

Life's going pretty good, right now, nothing too stressful or difficult. Pissed about the 150 quintals of mango wood being burnt in UP to campaign again pollution (WTF!) and all the news about Nirav Modi and looting and cheating. Ruin us middle class, hardworking, penny crunching and pound saving idiots, milk us for all we're worth and leave us to suffer silently. That's what India is all about, coz we don't respect education and equality and development. Divide us using caste and other bullshit criteria so that we don't realise how you're using us to fulfil your own aspirations. We deserve it, coz we don't get up to fix it. We only post on Facebook and Twitter and blogs and get likes and GIFs, but nothing will really happen or change. After all, how many rapists and scamsters get caught and penalized? Lynching makes total sense to me. Let the masses decide.   

Personally, I've lost a few 3 am friends this year, and while it doesn't bother me, I sure feel bad about it. Yet, times change, people change, priorities change - like I mentioned in my previous posts, you walk together for some time, then part ways, and have no hard feelings, instead cherishing what was, and blessing people along their individual paths and goals. See you soon, again, hopefully, dear friend. There is nothing more I could have done, without pushing myself on you, and that I'd never do, out of respect for me and you. After all, friendships cannot be forced or faked, right? The curse of us millenials, useful at times, depressing on other occasions.

Not really sure about the benefits of dark chocolate, but what I'm chewing now very often, is Amul Dark Chocolate. It's an absolute delight, guys, and much cheaper than overpriced, daft versions of bitter chocolate. I've tried the 55% and delighted. Moving on to 75% before I hit 99% - try it, if you have a taste for it, or develop one!

The last movie I watched was Pari, just like I promised - not horror at all, more like gross and romance. I'm also enjoying Roadies Xtreme and Jeep BFFs on Voot these days. No time for reading, yet tons of time to socialize on Facebook and play Toy Blast - quite addictive, both of them. I'm on level 1135 of Toy Blast. LOL. Yikes. Learning apps and Healthy apps just aren't that tempting enough, akin to healthy food and non-junk. I do try to walk 8k or more, since reducing weight is on my mind. But well, I agonize about that enough, and I don't want to yap about it on the blog.

And just like that, it's time to wind up!

Good talking to you'all, fellas. Be good, be happy.

Cheerio!
Anuja

Pause, Make it Large

I've been ambushed by wisdom in a bid to propel me towards positivity and peace.

Maybe God decided that he had to take things in his own hands, since I was not taking the hint from you'all regarding how dank and low I was sounding.

One lasting truth, that it's all temporary. Friendships, love, sorrow and loss. Come a bright new day, there will be new reasons to live and smile. No matter how much you weep into your pillow at night (or on a companion's shoulder if you're lucky), you will wake up the next morning with a flush of energy and a reason to go on. All you need to do, is remain in the present. Yesterday and tomorrow only bring pain and anxiety.

Isn't that why folks low in IQ tend to be happier? Coz they ruminate less. Enjoy the here and now. Quite a curse for us thinking lot, who attempt to understand the world and it's people, categorise and organise all that comes with it, before and later.

Maybe wisdom implies knowing when to switch off the thought process and just live the moment, without fear of judgement and burden of responsibility. You're doomed if you're conscientious and consider yourself answerable. The blissful lot throw caution to the winds, and give all they got to the people and situation in front of them. Prices could be paid later, but who cares?!

I thought I had my life all chalked out and ready, and I was well on my way to achieving all the milestones that resonate with a life well led and a path well tread. Turns out, everything is China ka maal, nothing comes with a warranty. You may get hitched and pop a kid all under 30, but no saying when your partner will decide he wants to be a bachelor again, leaving you behind to take care of yourself - emotionally, physically, financially - with a toddler in tow! Can't, for the life of me, imagine the trauma of single moms without family and financial support.

A belief that gives me tremendous strength is that everything is destined. Your wins, your losses, your joys and your sorrows. This can also put you down at times, coz it implies you're helpless. Yet, having tried to fight destiny, I can only say it's true and inescapable.

People who came and left, they were supposed to stay only a while, don't expect them to be there for you forever. Strangers become best friends, spouses become strangers. They were here to teach you something, to make you strong, to help you explore how good (or bad) you are capable of being. Allow them to teach you, and go. You move on, as well, to a better life with more calculated actions and consequences. Born alone, die alone, why fret over who did not (or did) stay a while? Paths cross, roads diverge, move on. You need no one to survive. Especially not baggage.

Everyone's journey is different. Some people are meant to be great, others are destined to be alone. Change what you don't like, if you cannot change it then accept it. Don't settle when something is not appropriate, don't compromise when someone is taking you for granted. You were not born to suffer for someone else's jubilation. 

Don't live up to someone else's expectations from you. Nobody will applaud you anyway. Few will stand by you, despite all odds. Don't go looking for the right one. They will come along when the time comes. If they are supposed to. And if they leave, so be it.  

Brands across the world want to sell you happiness. Buy Starbucks and feel like a queen, ride a Harley and feel like god. Buy at the mall and spend at the casino, party at the best clubs and travel to soothe your heart. It's all a ploy. Your happiness is within you. Everything else is temporary. Too often to hurt the people close to you for the sake of those that won't give you a second look once your objective in their life is met. Chill with a cuppa at home alone, or with the dog, or on the treadmill, or the kid, without bothering to look at the clock or WhatsApp.

Amitabh Bacchan often quotes his dad, and I think it is one very useful piece of advice: Life is a struggle every day, and as long as there is life, there will be struggle. Don't fight it, accept it as a challenge and emerge stronger. Also, if things go your way, good. If they don't, it's better, coz then it is going as per the Almighty's desire. 

Keep being, keep doing, keep feeling. You're stronger than you think you are.

You can deal with it all. You got no choice.

You should not cling to expectations, promises, people or situations.

Do not complain, do not demand. Just be. Accept. Not everything will go your way.

Not everything will go against you either.

Life, in the long run, is fair. You get what you deserve.

If you've done something wrong, apologize and set it right.

If something is weighing you down, say it out loud and be done with it.

If there is something that you can do, do it. For your own sake.

Coz you deserve to be happy.

Change is the only constant. And a relief. Move on.

A better life awaits, just stop looking at that darned close door.

Stop feeling like a victim. It's all meant to be. Misery. Ecstasy. Love. Conflict. Peace.

So said the Bhagavad Gita. And so many other philosophers.

Tuch aahes tujhya jivanacha shilpkar - Wamanrao Pai

Make it large!

Love,
Anuja

Explore and Be YOU!

I turned 32 this July. Makes me closer to 40, than 20. 

(No, there's no shame in asking a woman her age or a woman divulging it herself. Enough with these sweeping generalizations! So passe, and derogatory to women AND men of the new world ...)

While some would consider aging disheartening, I believe it's wonderful to be in your 30s - you're more sure about yourself and life in so many ways. People can only judge you now, they can't change you (for better or worse) and you know yourself and your goals with more clarity and honesty. Your childhood ambitions of being a celebrity have either been realised or not, by this time, and you have a fair idea of whether you will make it at all, thereby leading you to consider options more within your reach. For all you know, the old goal might not resonate with you anymore, and you find peace and passion in something alternative that you never imagined would be your calling.

When I look back now at my life, I see myself as a product of so many institutions and experiences. Unique, yet common. I was born and raised in Pune, like million other kids. Bullied like a few hundred. Teacher's pet, and the only one called Anuja Rathi. I went to Abhinava Vidyalaya and then Fergusson College, like thousand other folks. But I was among the few who scored a rank in merit, something that meant the world to me and my family then, but hardly matters now. Onward to a masters in Psychology and a career in training like hundreds of kin, where I am recognised as a model in my area of profession and social circle.

What's your USP?

What makes you unique? 

I don't obviously mean one in 7.6 billion (check this crazy clock!) or even one in 1.34 billion (that's India's count of today) - but at least one among many. What makes you YOU?

This couldn't possibly come out of your education or career, since there would be innumerable others that join the same institutions. It could not be hobbies either, unless there are some solid level achievements. For instance, Himanshu Agrawal from Mumbai made the largest origami giraffe in 2009, and set a world record. What remains unsaid, is that incidentally there were 9 others who helped him with this triumph, and did not get a mention despite being at it for 12 hours... 

So well, what's your selling proposition? 

If you don't know yet, it's time to find out. Explore yourself, ask what you have done that makes you proud and worthy. What do you carry within you that makes you someone to cherish? Or despise. Your wickedness is a USP, too, if you do it well enough. Depends on you whether you want to make it known and market it. There's always takers. For everyone. And everything. The price needs to be right, and the market needs to be discovered or created. 

Let me help you get some perspective. The typical hiring question posed my interviewers, "Why should we hire you?" What answer can you give that will get you a spot on the payroll or board of whatever?

There's bound to be at least one thing that makes you feel good about yourself. There could be many as well. Find them out, each one of them. That is your key to success.

Don't go by what others say about you, don't even start with "others call me/say I am ...." cos others don't know you really. Your inner voice will give you a true response. Others may know me as strong and certain, but I know how weak and lost I am inside. Who do I resonate with? Who feels more me? I am an ambivert, but a lot of people would tag me otherwise given my expressed personality and choice of profession. 

There's an interesting model called Johari window, where you (and others) learn about yourself and maximise the Open Arena. That could be a starting point. But I'm guessing that by this time, if you're still reading, you have already zeroed down to a few adjectives about yourself that are real, even if not acceptable to society or self. You may not want to reveal it, but by now, you do know it... What is it that sets you apart in your team/org/circle. Not merely describes you, but defines you. Figure out.

Your looks? What you wear? Whether you dance well or not? What are your vital stats? All temporary. Your confidence, now that's what stays. While many believe that women dress ti impress men, it's a long guarded secret that women want to look pretty first for themselves, and then for other WOMEN. Men be darned. 

Compliments and insults only hit, when you are insecure or assured about something, else they miss.

So, what is it that you bring to the table, partner?

Don't be afraid to be yourself. That's the best and only person you can be. There are too many others anyway....

Chin Up!
Anuja    

Vent Wagon

Need a vent joint early in the morning, and I'm going to do this right here....

FLUSHHHH!!!

Note: No names are mentioned in this post, but all characters are real and tend to be very very irritating.

Perfection is impossible in the world, incompetence is common, arrogance abundant!

Behaviours that have been triggering me for the last decade...

Lack of ownership, responsibility and gratitude - People want things done for them, but cannot be bothered to do even a teeny bit for others. Everything they get is their prerogative, and the meagre bit that they do for others is a generous favour. Even if they do something upon your (repeat) request will be done halfheartedly and it shows in the poor quality of work, until you finally shrug and I say "Never mind, I'll just do it myself. Why did I even tell you!" What's worse is some people applaud them for doing nothing, and they scarcely even realise what they're doing wrong or not doing at all! Expect and demand from others, not return anything in cash or kind, and no gratitude as well - that's the cherry on top! Get them Sarahah accounts now, will you... 

Misplaced priorities - How the hell can anyone not have basic sense about what matters in life? Work seems to be more important than family, and even in family, spouses get ignored due to the inconsiderate requirements of parents or vice versa. Some folks I know tend to compartmentalise - I've been told "weekdays are only for office and colleagues, I will spend weekends with my wife and kids" - check the cheek! How about only breathing all week and then only eating over the weekends? Life is all about balance. And then they expect you to be okay with their choices and their decisions, in which obviously you have no say coz that's an encroachment on their privacy and freedom. Duh! Like, really?! I never believed in personal space, though I do value it's significance. However, when you carve out personal space time from the 10% time you give someone, then that's pushing it too far. Time and tide, and most importantly people, do not wait for anyone. If you let someone be alone too long, they will walk off sooner or later - either to someone that values them more, or they will find themselves so complete that they do not need anyone at all, not even you. And that can pinch. A little effort goes a long way. 

Possessiveness and insecurity - About relationships, understandable. About work? Why? It's not like someone can take your knowledge and expertise away from you! Even if you share everything you got, people will only be able to take as much as they comprehend, and that is where your exclusivity lies. And if they make it better, then that's something for you to learn! Insecurity and secrecy, especially at the workplace can do more harm than good, for your career and reputation. Besides, teaching once is learning twice (which is exactly what I do as a trainer and coach).

That there can be many behaviors more upsetting than the above is probable. Having said that, the only person we can change is ourself and the only thing we can change is our response to circumstances.

Learn on!

Cheers,
Anuja

End of the World

It was predicted that the world would end in 2012. 

It didn't. 

I got married that year. Probably the end of my days of peace and fulfilment.

There are so many events that spell doom for us, and we think if such and such thing happens, then my life is over. 

When I was in school, one of my umpteen teen secrets was that I couldn't for the life of me, memorize the multiplication table of 17. I was so sure that everyone else but me knew all tables by rote that it distressed me no end. Now when I look back, I barely recall having used the table in all my growing up years. But back then, it was something that appeared a major obstacle in my education, career and reputation. (Little did I know that my peers and elders did not know the math tables of 13, 14, 15 and 16 either, and anyway what are calculators for?!!) 

That's just a tiny example, one of many that would spring to your mind as well, when something seemed unsurpassable and daunting.  

Right now, as my son displays all wonders and disasters of toddlerhood, there are so many things that stand out as "can do" and "cannot do", and become benchmarks for moms who enjoy (or can't help) comparing their kids with others. I've never been one of those moms, I knew my child would cross his milestones as and when he was ready, and sooner or later, all kids are able to do everything that is required of them. (All of us grew up just fine, didn't we, no matter what our scores in school, no matter what our experiences in life.) Some of us did better than the others in certain fields, and the others are happier though they may not have done anything that seems extraordinary to the rest. I know my classmates who flunked in school while I scored near perfect marks, and now they're settled in all parts of the globe, earning probably way more than I do, and ticking off items in their wishlists and their lucky spouses' too! Life's fair, everything balances out in the long run. 

Coming out of the closet and divulging the truth about yourself to society is a fate worse than death to our earlier generations. Everything was swept under the rug, and people pretended everything was fine, just so that society did not look at them funny or criticise them. Fortunately, our generation is more honest and upfront about confessing our realities - be it our sexual orientation, marital status, career preference, life goals, etc. Our parents may not approve, but most of them do support us and allow us that blessed chance to do what our hearts say. Society, that comprises folks like our parents, thus follows suit and while they still whisper behind closed doors, stories are forgotten and new ones take their place. 

I had an inter-caste marriage, much to the agony of my family: blood as well as in-laws, for various reasons. But since many youngsters then chose partners across religions, I did not ruffle too many feathers. I thought it was the start of my happily ever after. It was cursed even before it started, and over the years, I realised that I would regret this union, though I'd skipped the regret of not having taken a chance (which is a lot more common). 

For 3 years I tried to make it work, sometimes alone, sometimes with the help of the "wonderful" (ex) husband (who objects to being mentioned on this blog, though he religiously stalks me here since I've blocked him on Facebook and WhatsApp and my real life, and threatens to sue me for defamation, for citing things that I've experienced in real. Bollocks! All he wants is to avoid paying maintenance for the kid, just like he avoided all duties and responsibilities of husband-hood and fatherhood. Which I'm okay with! Good riddance to bad shit, even at the cost of an arm and a leg.) 

My marriage was not meant to be. I should have quit many years ago, but hope and the shame of divorce kept me going. I felt that a love marriage (or any marriage, for that matter) should never end. It was a promise for life. End of a marriage, meant end of the world (yet again). 

Had I been sensible and known that I'd have to change my opinion, I'd have changed it sooner and saved a beautiful creature from being impacted. But well, this angel being there is a blessing to me as well. Plus the knowledge of how tolerant, how wicked and how loving I can be, which was an eye opener for me as well.  

Oddly, they talk about mutual consent divorce. How can divorce be mutual consent, why does it need to be? If one person lets go off the handshake, there is no handshake - it does not depend on the other person withdrawing his hand or not. Marriage needs to be mutual consent, not divorce. And divorce is not the end of the world like I thought it was. It is the end of my sacrifices and suffering, and I have come to terms with it. My dear husband probably hasn't, since he doesn't want to let me go free, though he's the one desirous of freedom and no-strings-attached-relationships.

So separation - better late than never. I'm not the only one, and I am definitely one of the luckier ones, who at least have a choice, and means, reasons and ways to survive. Better than those couples who stay together due to limitations and helplessness, and certainly better than couples who pretend to be together but are more distant than strangers. "Choosing to be miserable together than happier alone", as I read on Scoopwhoop, and exactly my condition up until last year...  

We all have our reasons. We all have our methods. We all choose to sanction some things, and we detest some others. We are all right. We are all wrong. And we all co-exist. Our perspectives change, our wisdom rises above the petty and prejudices.

And the world only ends when we stay stuck, refusing to move on. Find your miracle, be your saviour. Uncover your strengths and reveal your dreams. Nothing can hold you back, if you really want to be happy. The world only ends when you lose faith.  

The world ends. For you.

Reality? It is always alive. Never dies. Never will. No matter what. Even if you cease to exist, the world shall still go on. So don't take yourself too seriously, don't beat yourself up over your mistakes and bad decisions. It was all meant to happen. You were supposed to learn those lessons and experience that anxiety and pain, all so that you could be who you are today, better than yesterday, ready for tomorrow. 

Smile and say hello, it's a beautiful world. And it's immortal. 

(You're not . So make every day count, and enjoy each moment.) 

Cheers!
Anuja

Being Alive

Call it destiny or call it timing, I last wrote to you about all the jazzy pubs and resto's I'd been to, and as it happens, most of them are now going sober due to the rule which states no alcohol selling/consumption close to highways. 

(I'm sure that's not stopping the "dedicated" boozers and sellers. Where there is one rule, there are ten ways to flout it. Human mentality!)

I'm writing to you after quite a hiatus. Been busy (yet again) with work, travel (Bangalore pub-hopping and staff connects) and home. The kid is in his troublesome two's and it's a pain even to survive, forget blog and do something fun. However, I seem to be managing pretty okay with mt work-life balance. I recently went paragliding with some colleagues to Kamshet, and was it an otherworldly experience! Truly thrilling and adrenaline-racing! Right from the fun local train ride to the trek uphill to the flying platform and back home by auto. 

I enjoyed my aerosport experience with Indus paragliding and you can locate them online. They charge about 3000 bucks as do most others in the vicinity, and it's called tandem paragliding, which means a trained pilot flies with you steering and manoeuvring while you only sit and drink in the sights and excitement. I was lucky to find a Nepali pilot who did everything imaginable on the flight, including somersaults and swinging to and fro, and going to heights and dips. I guess I should also thank my weight, because my poor colleague was almost denied a ride as she was underweight and hence a risk to take off and land owing to the breeze. The ideal weight, I believe is 60-80 kgs so here's a reason to celebrate your kilos!

I realised many things on the trip and during the flight, and I'm going to share them with you just in case they change something in you or resonate within you. Life is too short to keep complaining about what's happening and what's not, who did what to you, and why things did not work out. There is no point in waiting for that one single person to fulfil your dreams and imagination. Be your own hero, take charge of your life. Find the time to do things that you love. Everything else will fall in place. There are many new friends waiting for you to take the first step and plan something that you've always wanted to do but never managed to tick off your bucket list. Just take the plunge. It might fail, but it might succeed too. And once it does, it will be a memory for life and maybe friends for a lifetime.

I found out that what makes me feel alive is not just random peregrinating, but a bloodrush when I engage in something thrilling. 

Paragliding was one, and I topped it with Nitro and Scream at the Imagica theme park in Khopoli. The tickets are expensive, so try to visit on  weekday, especially as groups/students so that you get some discounts. In any case, my paisa vasool moment was when I was lifted in the air and plunged to the ground face first on the 360 spiral of the Nitro rollercoaster. Ditto on the Scream which swings and rotates like a massive pendulum making your hair sway and your heart dance. While I skipped most rides since Aarush could not join (he was short of 3 inches and entered free as he's not yet 3), the day sure was refreshing. I also went to the kiddy rides - TeaCup ride and Magic Carousel, Rajasaurus (slow documentary boatride with crazy, wet climax!) and Wild West (okayish after Nitro). I would like to go back for sure and check all the other rides and the Aqua water park next door. Oh and FYI - the restaurant is pretty decent since you are forbidden to carry any outside eatables, and you don't really need an Express pass which is even costlier than the regular ticket. Must visit, so much better than Esselworld and truly a world class destination!

Planning some underwater adventure soon... Won't tell you where and how. But you know I will stop by again, soon. 

Oh and for the record, I watched the spooky Dobara (inspired by Occulus) and visited Bannerghata National Park (amazing safari!) in Bangalore replete with white and Indian tigers, elephants, lions and bears. I finished reading Grown Up by Gillian Flynn (writer of Gone Girl) and it's a great short story, with my entire theme of thrill and chill. 

Be happy, enjoy the rains. See you when I see you :-) 

Love,
Anuja    

Reads and feeds

Hola!

9 years and 9 months old, phew. Been here almost a decade. Thanks for allowing me to thrive and survive, bask in your love and appreciation, dear readers! Love you all. 

I've been reading and I've been out hanging about. So this post brings you some reviews from my latest experiences.

But before that, let me tell you, I watched Logan and absolutely loved it. Brilliant movie, though I'm not an X Men fan, and I'm the types that sleeps through Martian and Expendable like films. While some folks were sniggering about it being a copy of Bajrangi Bhaijaan, I totally adored the father-daughter chemistry. To confess, I actually identified with Laura, what with her quick temper and ability to scar and scratch! I'm a difficult person to be around, and then probably yak the way she does later in the movie. Ha ha. Worth a watch, ya'all.

I've halfway through the third book in the Divergent series. Veronica Roth has kept me glued through Divergent, Insurgent and now Allegiant. While I find my head wandering at some detailed, methodical, fictional descriptions, I find the book has overall appeal for both young adults and oldies alike. I am in love with Four, which isn't a secret really. And I find Tris quite like me, Divergent in so many ways, messed up yet sorted in her own unique manner. By the by, I think I'm equal 30% Candor and Erudite, 25% Dauntless and 15% Amity. Not Abegnation at all. My co-reading friend agrees. He's out and out Amity, so well, we manage to trudge along together, especially as we hang out in the joints that I'm about to describe below. 

Teddy Boy in Baner - amazing ambience, good spread, decent service, wonderful music, amazing crowd. Checks all the boxes as a must visit joint with friends. They have a huge screen as well where you can enjoy a match and a show. 

Cafe 1730 in Koregaon Park - Went there a while ago after many folks insisted it was an awesome place. I found it just satisfactory, nothing extraordinary. Ok food, service and drinks.

Raaste Cafe near Station / Camp - Now this was so much better than 1730. They serve shisha / sheesha / hookah in some pretty stunning flavors and they also have some mindblowing cocktails and desserts. Good crowd, but an expensive place. Considering it still is a part of the old Shaantai hotel. Definite place to visit on your afternoon venue list.

Classic Rock Coffee in Kalyani Nagar - Have been here before, liked it then and loved it now. It's obviously much better in the evenings with exciting crowd, music, food and happy hours. Doesn't have a great variety of soups, though. Why soups? Just thought I'd let you know.

Sin Envy Pride in Mundhwa - Rooftop Lounge and Club. Good food and crowd and music. Expensive, but memorable. 

Elephant and Co and Little Next Door  - Both in Kalyani Nagar - Ok joints both, nothing worth a thunderous applause. Want a change, could make a pit stop. 

Bar Bar, Phoenix Mall - Good one. They have a unique concept of happy hours, where the more you drink, the less you pay per drink. So nothing that ties you down to the time of the day. Interesting spread of starters and satisfactory service and crowd, too.  

Rude Lounge near Phoenix Mall - Had been wanting to go here for a long time, but never managed to for many reasons. When I finally went, I saw that they were an okay place for family as well as friends, and okay in terms of food and drinks as well. The rooftop certainly is a crowd puller as is the location and music. Not bad at all. 

Spice Factory on Nagar Bypass Road - They've renovated a few months ago, and this time round, this place is wonderful. I thoroughly enjoy their menu right from appetizers to mains and desserts.  Their concept of pitcher is a tad warped, it only means a small jug which holds about 2 glasses of beer. But they do have happy hours and theme days, with nice crowd and music so it's a hit for me.

Texas Bar and Grill in Kharadi -  Happy hours until much later in the day, that's what takes the cake first and foremost. Apart from that, their ambience, proximity to my home, music and crowd is all fine. 

There are some old and new pubs and lounges in Seasons Mall and Amanora, which I am not sure if I have mentioned or not, but just to name a few that I have been to that worked (TGIF, TJ Brew works, Agent Jacks, Sigree, Hoppipola, Cuba Libre, Fly High) and haven't been to (Bottle Street and Altitude, heard it's too dear to go just yet without occasion).

So well, all in all, that's my take on the places you can add or strike off your hangout list. Not too many details, I know, but there's got to be some novelty and discovery even in predictability! 

Got some new destinations up your sleeve? Let me know, or better still, take me!

Party on :-) 


Cheerio!
Princess  

Almost the new year... and yet the same old

Heya!

The year has gone by real fast, as I've undoubtedly mentioned a hundred times before :-) 

And I look back to see how I've fared, managed to accomplish a fair bit as a mother and professional, and tried to be a better friend, wife, daughter, etc. Evaluating my success on these criteria is outside the scope of this post, and my head, so let me look at how I'm feeling at the end of it. 

Working moms like me, how are you doing? 

I often end up feeling like I'm missing on so many things in life choosing to juggle my home and office work. The financial and intellectual independence that my job affords me takes its toll on my social presence and connects. I look at womenfolk in my apartment mingling with each other and talking non stop about issues that I cannot make head or tail of, since their conversation started in the kitty last week and will (hopefully) find a resolution by the kids play date the following week. Try as I might, I can't hold a complete conversation with them, because our lives are so different and so are the priorities and recreation. 

When I ask myself, do I really want to sit with them every afternoon gossiping over a cup of chai? The answer is no, but what sometimes makes me feel a tad disappointed is that I don't have opportunities to have many adult conversations once I'm off work. You either are a working mom with no social life in the evenings, or you're a housewife mom with loads of time with other women of the same clan keeping you company. I'm sure each category has their own cribs and benefits. I'm not passing judgements on anyone, just making my voice heard about how it feels to not have a chance. 

Apparently, they can't shift their get togethers to a more comfortable time for us professionals since they need to be home with their families, and that makes sense. But a little adjustment on both sides, well, that could do the trick and give us all a fair exposure to understand each other better and form firm friendships, at least given the physical proximity.

I keep waiting for weekends to do something different, spend time with the man and catch up with friends. Something I am sure all women (working or homebodies) experience. Of course, there are the independent ones that make things happen for themselves and don't need anyone else to get the ball rolling...

But for us who await weekends to be with family - A tough task since the home chores and shopping beckons, the man has official offsites over weekends, and friends (who are mostly in other social groups, unmarried or kid-free) have their own plans. Moms like me, do you also feel the pinch? 

I keep telling myself this is only for a short while. 

Aarush will be grown up soon and then I can start with my own social commitments, but wont it be too late then? People will already have moved on, and I will be stuck. 

I tried connecting with a few groups on FB and WhatsApp which was like a mom-connect. Disengaged myself the very next day. I was looking for some meaningful conversation, plan some get togethers with kids and feel more included and enriched. But what do they do there? Share random pictures of themselves and their families, discuss nonsense nonstop so that working moms open their phones and see 474 unread pings which are absolute crap...

No win win solution, is there?

Maybe I'm the odd one out. 

Maybe this is the time I need to only focus on what my job, family and kid wants of me, and then there will be a time when I can live for myself. 

Maybe. 

Until then...

Back to routine. The job, a few books and movies, random surprises and plans which actually work out.

Adios!

Asta La Vista
Princess

Namma Bengaluru

Hi Buds, 

Writing in from Bangalore. 

Feeling Aarush-sick. 

I last saw him on Sunday when I left him at his Naani's since I would be travelling on business. The first two days are always okay as I revel in my freedom, eat and do what I please and sleep like a log. Third days are tough and the following are pure torture. I watch all those baby videos on Facebook and feel dismal. When I hear him coo-cooing in the background as I speak to mom, I can hardly hold back tears. Can't wait to be back home, hug and cuddle and kiss him all over. My little baby. Being a working mother has it's share of sacrifices and compromises. 

Bangalore is pleasant with rains and a packed agenda. Good to meet my colleagues and hit the party joints once again after October last year. Last night at Watson's was pretty nice, and tonight shall be another adventure I suppose. Will probably take a dip in the rooftop swimming pool this evening after work before I head to the hangouts. 

While I still have to finish the last few pages of Nine's sequel, I have started reading The Girl with All the Gifts. A stunning start, and I'm super curious to know where the story is heading and what the clandestine context is. More on that as I delve deeper.

Meanwhile, you may congratulate yours truly for a salary hike and title change: I am now Location Lead for Pune and Bangalore at Hitachi Consulting. While I was doing the job anyway, this title is more suitable and reflective of my span of control. 

So hurray, and take care!

Ciao.

Love,
Anuja

Aloha April

Hiya there!

So I guess, taking off the dream catcher did take away our unpleasant nights. Maybe I'm superstitious, but my baby and hubs seem to be sleeping well, too. To be honest, I'm sleeping like a log these days, such deep and restful sleep, that I ache to go to bed even during the day!

Or maybe it is pure exhaustion. Taking care of the baby, home and work (and the husband, in-laws, maids and others) is tiring work. I've been more or less ill lately: the cough and cold, and dizziness doesn't seem to fade. And to think I used to pride myself over not falling sick too often! The weather is remarkably warm for this time of the year, and I the water crisis is scary, too. God knows what the world is coming to. Or maybe even God doesn't know. After all, we're bringing this upon us, right.

Aarush is growing up by the minute, and I catch myself gawking over how quickly he's growing. It won't be too long before he starts having his own set of friends and ambitions that I'm not at the core of, and his dependence that currently seems a pain will soon become a dream. I'm already preparing myself for the day when he walks up with a girl in tow and tells me she is her girlfriend. My hypothetical answer is, "Great! Take care of each other" but something tells me it will probably change when the actual situation occurs. LOL.

Then again, I ought to give myself a pat on the back for still being a fun girl - or at least that's what my (true) friends and colleagues assure me. Validation came in the form of 2 young men trying to chat me up and ask me out when I was partying with my friend. For someone who considers the word "beautiful" inapplicable to herself under the remotest circumstances, this gave quite a kick. Just like old times. Little did the boys know that they're addressing someone married for almost 4 years and mom of a 1.5 year old son! Should've told them that just to gauge their response... ROFL

Reading has been a possibility this week since the bub was with grandma. Finished DeJa Karma - brilliant story and very well written. Absolutely un-put-down-able, deadly from start to end. Now that's a rarity. A very delightful one. The court case did not hold much weight, but the way the author has traced the life of Jay Singh is amazing. You can actually see the characters come to life and you feel endearment towards the protagonist, his aide Bhima, lover Manavi, friends, mom and shrink. When the writer can provoke emotions within you, that's his true victory. Vish Dhamija has done it, kudos.

I'm now onto Yes My Accent is Real by Kunnal Nayyar, better known as Raj from Big Bang Theory. His compilation of essays and experiences is cute, simple yet adorable. I'm also juggling Shikhandi simultaneously, it's like a dash of sugar and spice, and a very palatable combination. 

Come to think of it, I wasn't someone who was comfortable with reading several books at once. It seemed disloyal to me, like I was cheating on the book in my hand by seeking entertainment in another. However, with the kind of books that I'm reading now, as well as the unpredictable time I have on my hands, this method is working well. I'd need an unlimited amount of free time and a really marvelous book to go back to my former style. 

And who can guarantee either? Well, this week, yes, coz the baby's away again at Naani's. 

(Bless that woman, don't know what I'd do without her.)

Holi was uneventful, except for some polite neighbours who carefully smeared dry, organic colour on my face. But Kapoor and Sons was a plethora of events and reactions. I went assuming a title like this and Alia Bhat's presence could not mean a film with depth, but the story is full of drama and conviction. So much turmoil within relationships, unspoken dreams and confessions, mistakes voluntary and spontaneous. Rishi Kapoor's makeup was stunning and so was his acting. The rest - Ratna Pathak, Sidharth Malhotra, Fawad Khan, Rajat Kapoor were also superb. You actually get involved in their lives and their difficulties, and that was a win for me. Alia, well, she's what she usually is. So, no points there. The songs could have been cut out or cut short, though.  

And there's not much I can say for the Superman and Batman movie that everyone was waiting eagerly for. A complete disaster, apart from the character and acting of Lex Luthor. The Now You See Me star reminded me of Shahrukh Khan throughout the movie, and thee climax was like Karan Arjun too. Seems like the director was mighty impressed with King Khan's movie. 

Now for work, a little cricket, maybe some party/catchup/social time, reading and sleeping that's on the cards over the coming days. 

Hope you doing fine, fellas. As the financial year draws to a close, I wish you luck and success in the new year. May you all get awesome salary hikes and truckloads of bonus. Take care, and don't blow it all up. Don't save it all either. Donate to the needy. And get something for yourself, too :-) 


Cheerio.
Princess