Saturday, January 10

Shaadi NAHI Barbaadi


How are you lovely people doing? All well I hope...

Do you guys remember my Shaadi Ka Ladoo post that appeared in a matrimonial website? And do you also remember the sequel Mad(e) For Each Other?

Good. Now with the context and reference firmly in place, I can embark upon my topic for the day.


(Sound effects)

I told you one of my M.A. pals tied the knot in December. That I couldn’t attend it coz of work is another issue, but the fact is that she is looking rosier than ever! Her radiance has multiplied ten-fold after her wedding, and she looked adorable wearing green bangles and sindoor when I met her at the convocation. She couldn’t stop gushing about her superb spouse and fantastic family, and we watched as she spoke with bated breath about how her caring hubby conducted the rituals of gruh-pravesh at their Pune residence, and how he started crying coz wifey-dear was sobbing at her bidaai! Now ain’t that adorable...

A similar sparkle I behold everyday on the innernet when a schoolmate uploads snaps of herself and her husband exploring new and exotic places or simply celebrating the joy of togetherness. It’s amazing to see these couples madly in love with each other, and enjoying being with each other. It’s as if they were born for this and nothing else! Touch wood...

And the bliss doesn’t end there. They continue to share many more thrills together, especially when they give bring to the world another very special human being. I’ve spoken about family and relationships several times before. And though I do feel a little awkward when I realize that my peers are becoming parents, I still fail to contain my excitement when I see a college-buddy doing crazy antics as she displays her cuddly son to the community!

So, you see, marriage isn’t that bad. Of course, people love proclaiming how they were duped and coerced into matrimony, and how life was so much better as a bachelor. But that does not stop others from following the beaten track, and that itself speaks volumes about how wonderful this act is... Provided you find the right partner... And by "right", I don’t mean half a million parameters. Just two are enough – tolerance and understanding. (Or are they just one in totality? Food for thought.)

Arranged or love, marriages are beautiful. (I don’t mean live-ins aren’t, but there’s a certain sanctity and approval that supports the ceremonies.) Most folks from our previous generations went the tried and tested way that included the family’s sanction in selecting a mate. It’s remarkable how these couples have lasted, and nurtured charming families. Adjustment is the name of the miracle, and not giving up in difficult times is the mantra that sustained them thus far. Really admirable, fellas! Give yourself a pat!

Then, there was a spate of weddings that were either based entirely on love, or tagged love-cum-arranged. (Remember I told ya students go abroad for completing their education? I know at least 10 individuals who found their life-mate this way. A free gift with their degrees! Smirk smirk...)

It’s good that families and community now accept such relations and feelings, rather than imposing the boundaries of caste and class. As they say, jab miya biwi raazi toh kya karega kaazi ;-)

While some relations withstood the challenges of married life, others collapsed for varied reasons. And now, the trend seems to be changing again. Youngsters enjoy their teenage and college days with friends and partners, but when asked about their wedding plans, they delegate this task to their parents. (Obviously, there’s little risk in marrying a person approved by the elders, and moreover, even if things go wrong, one can always blame the family.)
Maybe young people do not completely believe in their own choices and decisions anymore, or maybe they themselves aren’t fully convinced about their relationships and companions. It could also be that two people willing to fight the world to be together realize down the line that they cannot live together in peace and harmony all their lives. Whatever the reason, marriages can only survive if the partners grow with each other, not at the cost of each other... Coz sacrifices sound good, but do not last in the long run.

Like I mentioned in a previous post, couples need to work on stress management and communication if they are to live happily together. However, one can only manage if things are below the threshold. Opposite poles attract in physics, but in real life, you cannot attempt to bind two personalities that are poles apart.

Well, our chat could go on for ever, but leme bring you back to where we started – Marriage is doing a lot of good to people I know, and I pray your life follows a similar destiny!

Keep the faith!


Sibi said...

Hey Princess,shadi is not barbaadi.Its the bachelors who has given this term coz life after mariage is not like it was before.And y shud it be?In life we go thru many phases and mariage is one such phase and the most imp one,I believe.mariage is the thread tat binds two ppl all their life.It will be better if its with their wish.Lifes settles down after mariage.
And as u said teenagers today are happy with their partners and they say shaadi barbaadi etc but they l also have to get barbaad if they think its barbaadi.mariage is a bliss.Lovely post...Have a nice weeknd..

vishal said...

well,to a certain extent shaadi is barbaadi..we tend to lose our individuality..and in vry cases shaadi has withhold the test of nt sayin all marriage are believe it can reallywoerk only when 2 people are in love wid each other..efforts should b made so dat the human ego is reduced to a minimum..also the space is also gone..yup anuja wanna ur response here..n keep writing..have a lovely day...

Dream last night

I dreamt of you last night. I know I dreamt of you last night. I don't know why I dreamt of you last night. In my dreams, you were at my...