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Tuesday, April 13

Being a Woman

Let me tell you first and foremost, being a woman ain’t easy...

We know what we want (at least 60% of the times), and we’re equally sure who we want it from. So, if I’m sad and I want Mr. X to come and give me solace, it won’t matter if Mr. W, Y and Z come and put their arms around me and buy me a million gifts and shower me with love, support and care. I am STILL going to miss Mr. X and his consolation. Of course, I am going to appreciate the others, and thank them for their help, but Mr. X, thou art doomed!!

Come to think of it, WHY do guys need to be told what to do? Just like we gauge their needs and understand their desires without them voicing it out loud, why can’t they also do the same? I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to try! There have been a lot of times when the guy himself did not know what he was confused or stressed about, and a girl eased his mind by being sympathetic and kind. We’re all humans, we all have the same range of feelings, and it’s really not that tough if we make an effort to comprehend and assist.

Most women I know would agree that telling/asking for something to be said/done is not quite the same as the thing being said/done instinctively and voluntarily. What’s the use you loving me if you do not grasp the fact that there are times when I just need to be heard and hugged without being shown a hundred obvious solutions? Tell you what, I know those hundred ways myself, and I also know ten other ways that are better. I am aware of what I have to do and how, just be calm and empathic, you moron! That’s all I need from you!!

Guys around the world know they’re kids. They either stumble upon this realization by themselves, or they read it in the zillions of magazines and books that talk about gender differences and peculiarities of the sexes. So, whether they agree or not, they very well know that their primary needs are food, sex and sleep. And so do we. And we take care to see that their needs are met. Be it the mum who keeps snacks ready the moment the son comes home from college, or the wife who entertains the man by night despite being dog tired at work all day, or the girlfriend who doesn’t call her sleeping boyfriend for a few hours even though she wants to talk to him desperately.

Why then is it soooo difficult for the men to appreciate us? Why is it impossible for them to anticipate our wants and fulfill them? Why do they find us complicated when all we need is a listening ear and a warm shoulder? How can they expect their stupid jokes to make us laugh when our hearts are weighed down by some misery that we are unsure and unable to express without being asked? You maybe close to me, and you may not require a prologue to talk about your concerns, but I do. And what’s wrong with that?

Let me admit, I expect people who are close to me to know me and the things that please me or tick me off. So, anyone in their right sense of mind wouldn’t ditch me after planning to meet, and anyone who has faced the music after they did something unpleasant wouldn’t do it again. Yet, I want my loved one(s) to know when I’m upset or when something has hurt me. It could be something as small as not messaging me before you sleep, or not telling me when you’re ill or suffering other crises. It could be when you keep repeating the same mistake again and again despite knowing it irritates me. Or that you give others priority over me, when I’m the one whose always there when you’re in trouble. Get what I mean?

So yeah, I have those sort of conditions with people I like and love. I CANNOT love unconditionally. Nope, I cannot. I can’t be ok with every way you treat me and any way you behave with me. If I’m being civil and nice, it’s your obligation to be the same to me. And if that’s something that’s not within your control, then goodbye. And let that goodbye be forever. Not the “here now and gone then” types. The wound needs to heal so that someone else can come and give me the happiness that is not in your power to grant your sweetheart.

Movies like What Women Want are made and watched the world over. And yet men don’t understand that all we need is love. We’re ready to help you in understanding us, just show us that you are devoted and dedicated and (willingly) ready to make that effort. We know people don’t learn things in the womb, but we surely want folks to learn things that would endear them to us. Ask us what we want, if you’re unable to understand. But not before you have tried every other option.

Besides, we're such sentimental fools that we'll never tell you directly what we are thinking. I'm sure you've heard of this one - when we say "we're fine OR it's ok", it means "nothing is fine." And when we say, "just leave me alone OR go away", it indicates that "please don't go, just stay and show me you care." And when someone you know who needs you says "I hate you", it actually stands for "I love you helluva lot, but you hurt me too much".

You see, we want to show we're independent. Yet the fact remains that even the most practical women are emotional at heart. And there's no denying that. We often don't NEED you, but we WANT to be showed that we're loved and cherished.

Awrite so we crib and complain and nag, at times more regularly than sunrise and sunset... and what do you do? Start ignoring us! And how does that help? It only makes us more crabby and depressed. And the vicious cycle continues... Why not try something more constructive and positive?

Our needs are not as simple as sex, nor as tough as a Sudoku puzzle. Sometimes an ice cream can do the trick, at other times, you may have to be a little more tolerant and listen to us as we rant on and on about the boss who yelled at us, or the friend who lost her cat, or the junior who can’t make a decision and needs our advice. You may have to make us feel better by a foot massage or by praising us non-stop for 50 minutes…

Different things work for different people, and for women, the one common need is to be pampered and treated like a child. We’re all little girls within, and if you remember that, you can never go wrong…

Do one tiny thing at the right time to make us smile, and I promise, no woman on earth will disappoint you or turn you away when you seek shelter, estranged by the callous world.


P.S. : Nope, I’ve not fought with or been hurt by any guy. These are some things I’ve always wanted to say (and might have, before, either on my blog or in person). Just thought I’d put them up here for all you guys to read and learn, and for all you girls to share and rejoice about :-) Take care!!

P.P.S : Cheers, fellas! Chosen as Blog Adda's Spicy Saturday pick. Thanks Harish and the crew. Appreciate your spreading the word! You're gona make a lot of men more educated and a lot of women happy :-) Count me as the first!!


Unknown said...

Point made!!!! Lovely piece..... but I am confident none of the opposite sex understands the language u are talking!!! It is greek..... latin...... hebrew or Chinese (they cant know all three)to them.... just another woman raving and ranting over something that is not legible. It has been for generations and will be..... I gave up trying and get the icecream and chocolate myself!!!! Atleast I get the flavour I want rather than having to eat something of his choice.

Princess said...

Hey Ranu,

How I wish I could deny what you're saying... But unfortunately I know you're right. Men will never understand. They just say we women are never satisfied whatever they may do... So many times have I been accused of being an avid male-basher, but trust me when I say I'd spend time and be comfortable with a male more than a female anyday!!

I do get myself the ice-creams and cakes and flowers and gifts, but the contentment that comes from a caring guy doing all of the above (and more) for me is just not there...

Someday :)


Thanks for commenting, and lets not stop hoping!!


bookworm said...

ah princess, i just fear that all your sage advice will be in vain as it will go into the male brain and then that faint brain trace will get eliminated by the latest football score on EPL. still, it is nice to read what i'm pretty sure all of us have wanted to say to some male or the other at many points in our lives!!

lots of love

Princess said...

Hi Shaila,


They've really proved their male-ness at every point of time, haven't they? We're all so cynical now...



Unknown said...

typical cancerian.
and i am going to say want all men will say- "not all men are like that"

but yeah. point taken & prosecution rests your honor.

Princess said...

Hey Sarang, what do you mean by typical Cancerian?

ALL women are like this (to a greater or lesser degree) and not all women are Cancerians :-/

I trust you when you say not all men are like that :-) Hope I meet the right ones soon. Know anybody?!! :-D

Thanks for commenting. DO keep visiting!


Ashish Surana said...

hey...first time visitor of your blog and liked it :)

U are right in your words but just a doubt..where does the list of ice cream / gifts / flowers / cakes ends ??

BTW..i'm a guy who respects women and try to do everything that's written in your post atleast for one particular girl!!

Princess said...

Hi Ashish,

Thank you and welcome to "Life" :-)

The list actually has no beginning and no end. That's because not every woman will want the same thing (exceptions : praise, respect and affection). You gotta figure out what your girl likes and act accordingly.

I'm sure you'll do well, just keep trying and exploring!

Take care!


Vibhuti Bhandarkar said...

Aaah This is a very Spicy Saturday pick indeed..Even if movies are made and even if we women holler from the top of the topmost terrace of a skyscraper, men will NEVER get what we are trying to say or what we want at the moment.NEVER! but poor things they do try, dont they? So pray be kind with the mankind! :D

Princess said...

Hey Vibhuti,

Thanks so much for visiting and commenting. Appreciate it :-)

Yeah, I agree with you. They don't understand but they do try, some more than the others... Hope we find (in case you haven't already!) the perseverant and smart ones soon!!



AsMi said...

Just loved your post! Some of the sentences were like the voices in my head speaking! I'm gonna make my guy read this for sure ;-)

Anonymous said...

I loved best... 'I do not love unconditionally' :) Nobody should. At the least, mutual respect and acceptance are two non negotiables in any relationship :)

"Guys around the world know they’re kids."
- I don't think any adult should be allowed to get away with this. It's true that men are often raised to remain little boys - and mothers can change this by raising them to be responsible adults - totally responsible for their own actions. I think the luxury of remaining 'little boys at heart' leads to serious problems for men where it eventually leads to their expecting to be excused for not understanding that some members in their family do not like to be treated like furniture or door mats.

I think this attitude of 'I can't help it I am child at heart' also is the culprit behind street sexual harassment of woman because 'helpless men, boys at heart' believe they were provoked by the way she was dressed/behaved/laughed/walked/lived/invited it/asked for it etc.

"So, anyone in their right sense of mind wouldn’t ditch me after planning to meet,... " - not keeping an appointment is irresponsible. If a woman is objecting to this - she is not 'nagging' or 'being emotional'.

Women are as rational as any other person - it's incorrect to ignore a very valid objection to being taken for granted as nagging. I don't think anybody, and that includes men would like be ditched or taken for granted - but when they object nobody says they are nagging or being emotional :)

Princess said...

Hey Asmi, Hi Indian Home Maker!

Thanks a bunch for visiting my blog and leaving your comments. Really fires the writer/dreamer in me :)

I'm so glad you could identify with my post. Its great to know that I am not the only one MISTAKEN about how guys generally treat women.

@ Asmi - Hope your guy doesn't set out with a dagger after me!! It's all very well to talk and write, but I sure am not an able competitor when it comes to brawny matters... LOL

@ IHM - I'm grateful to you for assuring me about my rationalism. I've been accused of being unreasonable so many times, I sometimes doubt my own behavior and expectations!!

Love ya girls, do keep coming back!

Take care!

Princess said...


Hit upon this the other day, and thought I should mention it...

"When a girl asks a man about something, it often indicates that she wants to speak about herself.

For example :
How was your day? means the girl wants to talk about her day but is being polite and giving you a chance to talk for the first 5 minutes so that she can talk about hers for the next 20 minutes..."

That's the way it is :)


Anonymous said...

Um . . Ok. . I guess. . Would u repeat that please!

Ok jokes apart, liked ur post very much. . It deserted to be a spicy pick. . I'll also add that not all guys and all gals act in the same way. . Most of us try our best to keep the women (mom/wife/gf) in our life happy, but then most of the time we have no clue bout how to and when to do it. Your interpretations of "Leave Me Alone", "I hate you" will i believe be helpful to most of us boys. . I'd like to humbly disagree with IHM that Men should not be kids in heart. In fact i believe both men and women who are kids in heart as well as responsible for their actions add masti to the relationship. .

Princess said...

Hi Savvy,

Welcome to Life and thanks for commenting. The more the merrier!!

I have no doubt whatsoever about your intention and desire to keep the females in your life happy. But let's face it, intention isn't good enough, you need to SHOW it effectively. Else you end up hurting the people who care for you the most.

I agree with you when you say that all of us are kids at heart, or at least we'd like to be. Yet, woman can easily switch to being motherly and caring (even as a daughter or sister or gf), while men find it challenging. If only men were more responsible and emotionally sensitive, things would be a lot more pleasant!

I'm hoping you make that switch :)


Anonymous said...

WOW!!! Did someone just echoed what I always felt like yelling on top of my voice to some jerks???

Bingo girl!!! BINGO!!!
Neither a point less nor a point more…its absolutely To The Point…
I wish I could forward it to someone whom I said ‘goodbye’ few months back to make him understand What Woman Want :)

Thanks for writing this up…it indeed was a pleasure to read..


Princess said...

Hey Garima,

I'm so glad that what I've said has struck a chord with you. Trust me, we're not the only ones who feel this way :-/

And we're not the only ones who've lost those dear to us bcoz they couldn't fulfill our needs and we couldn't be taken for granted any more :-(

Hope some sensible men enter our lives soon and erase our concerns and frustrations :-)


Unknown said...

Emotions of a Woman

There are many emotions that women conceal inside
They withhold their emotions until the right time
A woman's emotions are nothing to exploited or used
When they find out, all hell's breaking loose

Play with their emotions, you will get caught in the end
You will lose a lover, a partner and a friend
You can hide, but you can't escape their rage
Their angry words will make you feel locked in a cage

When a woman downpours her emotions, you won't comprehend
They know when we don't understand, so don't pretend
When they're done, you will know how they feel
They transfer their frustrations into you and that's real

Men, don't play games, somebody's going to lose
I won't say who, but you already have a clue.

Written by Joshua Young

Tulika Verma said...

Haha! Spicy it is! Identify with every word!

Princess said...

Thank you, Tulika :)

Hey Pranali, beautiful poem there. Thanks for sharing it with us.


A journey called 'Life' said...

hey...first time visitor of ur blog...n a very new blogger...every word of this post is perfectly was just like my thoughts perfectly moulded in paragraphs........nicely written...i think we women will pine all our lives for the guys to understand us without saying anything...just looking in our eyes..or even making an effort to understand us a bit.

Abu said...

All I can say is "It takes a lot of time to build a relation, understand the person (his/her needs, expectations, ways, etc, etc) and respond accordingly"

And yes... We, men, are dumb asses ;)

Nice post :)

Goodbye, Abba - You shall be missed

Subhash R Rathi. A man of umpteen roles and talents. He was a son, brother, husband, uncle, grandfather, partner, colleague, friend, advisor...