Tuesday, July 26

You, Me and Stress (Part 3)

This article takes the last one a step further. Three excerpts that stem out of and connect with our last two thoughts about men not being Hollywood heroes and routine dulling the sheen of a relationship. Missed it? Click here to read

Today’s gems:

Excerpt 1 - A woman should not expect her partner to fulfil all her needs. She needs to build a support system of friends and family that she can talk to and hang out with. Her partner cannot be there all the time for her, and she cannot depend on him all the time for her emotional needs.

Excerpt 2 - Lucky is the woman who is able to appreciate what a man can offer, she continues to get more and more. Lucky is the man who is able to meet his own needs and then respond to a woman’s need for help around the house, good communication and regular romance coz he comes home to a happy woman.

Excerpt 3 - Men are attracted to women who can appreciate and trust them, and forgive them for forgetting. Each time she complains, demands, gets upset or doesn’t ask for help, she is passing on the message that he is a failure. She, thus, pushes his support away. He becomes exhausted in her presence. She is rejecting his love when she focuses on what she is NOT getting.

Hummm hummmm hummmmmmm…

I don’t know what to say. The points above say it all.

But what I have in my head right now are flashing images of the times when I have dealt with crisis and stress coz I was not open to the lessons above.

I expected the person (friend/partner) to fix it all and take complete onus of me and my life. I was asking for more and more, and I might have missed chances to appreciate what I was already getting. It’s like “haan ye toh sab theek hai, par uska kya hua?” Focussing on what is absent. Looking at what is not being done or said. Bad bad bad. But true nevertheless.

Taking this forward…

- We are often too busy to see what is obvious. A man will give his heart and soul to provide for his family and return home too tired to even talk with them. A woman will give and give to support her husband and children and then resent them for not giving back. Too exhausted to resolve relationship issues, we think our partners are too demanding or too different to understand.

- Women expect men to react and behave the way women do, and men continue to misunderstand what women really need. Women today return from work and wish that a loving and supportive wife was waiting for them. Men, who have seen their fathers being welcomed by their mothers, also expect the same from their wives. Both need to adjust their expectations. Women have to stop creating unrealistic expectations and men to need to stop clinging to their old beliefs.

- Instead of thinking “what’s wrong with my partner?”, you need to ponder what’s wrong with the way you are approaching him/her. Understand natural differences in coping with stress and how things affect each other. Instead of thinking that your partner is purposely being inconsiderate, believe that he is clueless but means well. Always remember this golden rule - You have the power to bring out the best in your partner.

Now I know some of this might appear as gyaan, and entirely hypothetical and impractical. But guys, have we really given it a shot? If we don’t stop persevering in other areas of life, if we don’t give up on out ambitions and professions, then how the hell is it justified to let go of a relationship that could blossom just because you stumbled a few times?

Watched the Hollywood movie “Ugly Truth”? It’s an entertaining film, great acting, terrific storyline and actors that you could gawk at forever, namely.

The movie is about a guy who hosts a very popular TV show by the same name as the movie. The theme is based on how men don’t care and those that appear to do are pretending. So, men basically fool women into believing different things, and women can manipulate men to achieve what they wish. It’s a rom-com (romantic comedy) and a good Sunday afternoon watch.

Personally, I’ve had trouble accepting that men never change or progress or grow. They are what they are so there is no point in trying to change them – you’re wasting your own time. There might be temporary changes, but that is exactly what they are: temporary. And when the man snaps back into normalcy, you’re in for a shock. Instead, let them be what they are, and decide whether their being what they are is ok with you… Simple?!! Extremely effective, believe you me.

That’s it for now…



Vishal Bheeroo said...

Dear Anuja
You are prodding me to read the second part of John Gray's book. You wrote it so beautifully. It is very true we tend to say what wrong rather than going to the vortex of the problem.
Actually we people live a boring life and even more when we get married. Back home , slouch n the couch and watch TV, dinner and lil bit of talking and sleep. The romance is dead. That's why I feel personally that amrriage is not a priority and can't see myself kill the fun of love, adventure and the joy of the old college romance. If only we make an effort to listen, love and understand.
Too beautiful.

Vishal (Check new blog vishal-newkidontheblock.blogspot.com)

Princess said...

Hey Vishal,

The book is indeed interesting. Tends to get repetitive in some parts, which is why I picked out the best stuff and put it on my blog... fr ready reference ;-)

You'll do great if you just follow up on my posts. I'm sure Gray baba wont mind!!

Marriage is a personal choice. I know some couples that have flourished even without the mangalsutra and some couples that have made life hell for each other post their wedding. As long as love abounds and understanding survives, relationships blossom. The rest is only social and psychological formality.

As long as you're happy!


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