Friday, March 26

Did I Marry the Right Person?

Got this mail a long time ago, and thought I'd share it with you. The wedding season is here, and with all those arranged and love marriages happening, this is a good time to put this out in the open.

(Also, this comes at just the right time, as we've been talking about relationships in the last couple of posts...)

Those who are single may learn something from here for future reference. And those that are engaged or married, this holds the key to making your relationship more effective and satisfying...

Q : How do I know if I married the right person?

Here's the answer...

EVERY relationship has a cycle.
In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's HAPPENING to you.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet'. Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. The excitement dies.

It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the bliss of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. Sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.

It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.

But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because :

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out.

That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love'. Coz it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. You can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'.. . Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go".


Nice, eh? Definitely made me "feel" good, more positive in a way... Hope I can make this work in reality... Sick of the frustrating relationships around me!

All the very best to you too!



Zave said...

I too feel definitely more positive!
And specially fell in love with the last quote!
Just awesome and so much real!

Princess said...

Hey Zave,

I'm glad you liked it :) A lot of people wonder why I have things not written by me put up on my blog, but I believe in sharing all the good info I come across, whether penned by me or not.

Here's another great quote I came across recently - It's no use turning your heart into stone, you never know whose heart turns out to be a magnet!


Zave said...

I second your opinion you have for your blog posts.
And the above quote was thoughtful, and yet exceedingly hilarious!
Keep writing!

Out and Not Proud

Hey fellows, been 4 months since my last post. The covid cases in Pune alone have crossed 2 lac, and the lockdown has been eased in the inte...