To Fix it All...

She could see the pain in his eyes when he ogled at her. He thought she wouldn’t notice. But she knew. Everyone did. It was so obvious. He could have screamed it out and it would still have sounded softer. His anguish was blaring.

He thought by ignoring her, by not acknowledging her presence, he would succeed at forgetting her. But even when he tried to criticise her, by bitching about her, he revealed how much he missed her… How badly he needed her… How incomplete and lost he felt without her.

He failed to fool himself, and nobody else was duped either.

His unspoken frustration was heard and pitied. It would make so much more sense if he openly admitted it and tried to make amends, try at least, to set things right.

But those days were gone. There was nothing he could do now.

Time and tide wait for no man.

She had waited. She had done all that she could, and she had waited for him, despite his eccentricities and idiosyncrasies.

And he had failed her. He had shamelessly thrown away everything that he now desperately wanted.

It was no use, crying over spilt milk, he said. So, he amused himself by saying shameful things about her.

Trouble was, nobody believed him. They only felt sorry for him, and his insolent imprudence.

Is there ever a way to go back and live life the right way? Correct all the mistakes made and make all the appropriate choices?

What would you do if there was a way…???

Better a mistake than a regret...

... So they say...

Cheerio!
Princess

Of Lessons and Appeals

Hola amigos!

Been a while since I spoke Spanish.

Thanks to a colleague at work who is fluent in the language, I do manage to employ the Spanish greetings now and then, but that’s about it. Repeated resolutions to grab my books from the bedside shelf and flip through them revising and brushing up on the language have fallen flat as resolutions are wont to do… But ah, life goes one… I shall try again tomorrow…

(You wana be persistent? Vale. Hola mi chicos, como estais? No estoy bien. Quiereis escuchar a mi? Claro!)

Happy now?!! As if you got it!! Lol. Mind you smarties, I did not Google translate!! This much I do remember ;-)

Been a while since I wrote...

Just been caught up all these days. Busy in body and mind, stressed more than useful and civil. Cranky beyond par, and unbearable to say the least.  

I’ve been really down the dumps in the last few weeks. One of those (supposedly) rare times when nothing goes right, and no amount of optimism and taking it easy can fix either the issues or the mind. What would you say when I suggest that health, family and work – not one of these let me relax?

But this post is not my cribbing session. I do that enough with the friends and family already.

Just wanted to share a few things that I have been through recently. A 2-day training program that left a mark, for various reasons…

“Eat your frog” is a book, and a concept that smart people will stand by. So let me eat my frog first and admit that the most adventurous experience turned out to be the lack of arrangement of company transport to drop me back home from Hinjewadi to my place on the second evening of training. I was in a helpless state, and had it not been for a very human and generous colleague, I would have had to endure considerable inconvenience and anxiety.

(Thank you Rahul, and as I said earlier, I owe you one! Not just for being my knight in shining cab, but also for the knowledge and wisdom that you shared. You’re a reservoir of information/experience and a very vibrant, inspiring personality. God bless you!)

Moving on to the more pleasant aspects of this entire training episode, here are a few quick pointers that I found extremely useful and you might too:

1. Enable people in their work, do not get so blown off by your enthusiasm that you dominate the task and render the original person(s) useless or mere puppets.

2. Your intention will impact your behaviour, but perception may not be identical to the actual intent. Your behaviour needs to clearly and consistently communicate your honest purpose.

3. Focus more on the end result and take-away than rigorous policies and procedures. Rules exist to make life simpler, not difficult.

4. When resolving conflicts, always identify WHAT is right, not WHO is right. Listen to all parties involved, the solution might be simpler and more straightforward than what it appears or you assume. On the same lines, fix the ISSUE not the person(s) in crit-sits (critical situations). Believe that each person wants the best for himself and the team, and wants to perform well. Without this faith, the climate would not be conducive to growth and success.

5. Language plays a vital role and belies what you believe. NLP talks about paired items, for example, mom-dad, brother-sister, or any item that you spontaneously speak in connection to the first. Most people would hear the word “superior” and immediately blurt out the paired item “inferior”; that is how we start relating to our work and colleagues. However, the appropriate terminology is “senior” and “junior” in terms of age or skill or experience or whatever the parameter.

Insightful, eh?

Having said that, I also noticed some behaviours of the facilitator and my fellow participants that left lasting impressions. Some good, some bad, some neutral. Like people trying hard to connect and be friendly, like how suspicious and cynical people are about anything positive around them, like people ignoring or licking a$$ for no visible reason, like how someone’s words and actions can be interpreted to be boorish and childish, like people wanting to appear intelligent and informed but full of bull$hit in reality and open visibility, and so on.

Overall, they were interesting two days, and in my quest of learning and development, another step up. The road is long, and unclear, but as long as I am learning something (almost) everyday in ways formal and informal, planned and sudden, I am content. It’s rightly said that the day you stop learning you die. Either figuratively or literally.

As Rahul has gleaned from a Buddha philosophy, “when you are ready, a teacher shall arrive”. Don’t lose sleep over an absent teacher, look at the ones that are right next to you... It’s surprising that we miss so many lessons and opportunities that are staring us in the face.  

I wish I could write some more details about what life’s been doing to me these last few months, but my lips are sealed until pending matters are crystallized.

I can, however, divulge that my reading is fairly on track. After Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, it was Devotion of Suspect X (reviewed for Blogadda). I am currently reading Pyre of Queens and Forest of Stores. Have lately gotten into the habit of reading two books simultaneously. Found that pretty unorganized earlier, but now it seems more convenient and entertaining as my moods fluctuate and needs vary.

Yeah yeah… I hear you calling me names for being mean and difficult. Trust me, if you feel it now, I’ve felt it 10 days ago in 10 times worse intensity. The reason why I’m giving you a hard time, is coz I’m going through an absolutely horrible phase.

I understand if you want to take time out being incapable of addressing and tolerating my volatile emotions. 




Actually, scratch that out. 
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT ALL. 

I mean I know I would be willing and available to stand by you when you were going through a challenging time personally or professionally. (Unless of course they are proven excuses and recurring lies). 

Isn't is popular that when an individual deserves love the least, he/she needs it the most? Why then, would you not allow me to be myself in this sorry, helpless state? You know me to be independent and strong, but that does not mean I be deprived of or forbidden my weak moments and desperation. Why then do I need to appeal for your empathy and tolerance in my tough times when I call you my dear friend, partner, colleague or family? 

Once my professional and personal priorities are achieved (both within 2 months or less), I shall be back on track with the writing, the living and the celebrating... you know it as well as I do...

Those of you who cant deal with me right now… take a hike.
Do come back if you must, but with greater patience, empathy and trust.

Coz I deserve my down time. 

With Love (even in times of anger and hatred),
Anuja

Crime: Experience and Review

Our bike got stolen a few days ago.

(I’m not kidding you.)


(Who jokes about things like that?!!)

Our brand new Pulsar 150 DTSi, the gleaming black adorable beastie, which we’d bought just this Gudi Padwa (March 22, 2012) vanished in broad daylight from the Pulse parking lot (which we later learnt was not the “official” parking place).

Didn’t know this happens in Pune.
Can’t believe it happened to us.

Aren’t good things supposed to happen to good people?
And if not, can’t at least the bad things stay away?

Life’s not fair, I knew it. After all, can’t expect a hungry lion not to eat you coz you’re vegetarian. But this very disappointing. Very annoying. All my optimism has gone astray and my peace of mind is shattered.

All the good muhurat banter while buying the bike seems like nonsense now, and I have little faith in Indian policemen and justice-vendors now that the vehicle’s lost. All we can do now is wait a while and claim theft insurance that we fortunately took. However, the pain won’t go away, and the wound will stay. It’s not fair. And there’s nothing we can do about it. Period.

Let’s move on to the book review requested by Blogadda : The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino.

(Phew.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being racist or discriminating, but with lengthy Japanese words, reading and writing becomes a daunting task. So much so, that I have a mental block towards making an attempt to comprehend those seemingly similar and equally complicated names of people and streets. I more than once skipped the name and came back later to verify it when a prior reference was made. I am aware that not all global citizens have easy names - Spanish, French and Italian, for instance. But this post is about the BOOK review, so let’s bid adieu to deviating linguistic discussions.

“Sometimes, all you had to do was exist in order to be someone's saviour.”  



Fantastic thought, innit...?? 

The story revolves around a police investigation of the murder of a man who had divorced his wife but continued to haunt and harass her. It involves in important characters, the man and his wife, their young daughter and two wanna-be-lovers of the woman apart from the detectives and an informal sleuth. 

(Pls do not ask me to name them; have pity on me and the remainder of the post. However, Ishigami is my favorite character... He's one of the two wanna-be-lovers, and a very smart and sincere mathematician.)

As the plot builds up, there are a variety of twists that will confuse you, astonish you, impress you and then strike you as totally reasonable. You will find yourself feeling empathy and anger, frustration and trepidation. Alibis, love, wit, worry, thrill, simplicity – this novel has it all. You will feel pity and concern for the murderer and accomplices, and hate the victim’s guts. You can connect with the people who wish to protect their loved ones, yet fear and applaud the cold, calculative and accurate ways of the geniuses. The detective's inclination to let off the hook some folks, and frustration over not comprehending the situation will appeal to you as will the sympathy that most people feel towards an exploited woman. 


Under no circumstances will you be able to predict what comes next. What more could a reader wish for?

To me, the book is more about the clever and rapid interaction between the sleuth and lover of the woman, two alumni and friends, than anything else. Their speed of thought and action is amazing, and their respect for each other’s intelligence is awe-inspiring.

Serendipity hit when I read in black and white, two ideas that I’d always toyed with, myself. One, is it more difficult to solve a challenging problem or to create one. Two, is it easier to solve a problem yourself or check if someone else has done it accurately.

How they form part of this post and the story, I shall let you discover for yourself.

The book is a quick read, I finished it in just a few hours in a very busy week. The narration is fantastic – direct, uncomplicated and engaging. I did not realise when I finished 50 then 100 pages and finally 200 pages. It’s been a while since I read a novel that made me forget the ticking of the clock, and that this book achieved this feat is no lean task. Good job there, Mr. Writer (ahem! I’m not taking names…!!)

Apparently, this book sold over 2 million copies in Japan and became a national obsession in 2005 post which it was translated in English in 2011. It has also been made into a cult film. My, I would like to watch that sometime…

But for now, grab your copy of the Devotion of Suspect X… and enjoy the chase!

Cheerio!
Princess


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Amen to Life... and Struggles

Have you seen the Mula river, the part near the Holkar bridge?

Its surface is filled with green plants – water hyacinth, I believe (that’s the only relevant one I remember from my school days).

The other day, when I passed by that area, I grew extremely restless. I couldn’t take my eyes off the view nor could I blow away this feeling of dread and doom.

A gurgling, flowing river would never allow plants to grow on top of the waves. Nor would it permit them to stay and cover its entire surface to the extent that it appears like a green lawn rather than a blue stream.

When one living thing tolerates another living on top of it, what happens to its own life?

Death is imminent, if not today, then tomorrow. However, dying while you’re still alive, is that what some living things aim for? Is that considered virtuous and praiseworthy?

Nothing personifies life as accurately and beautifully as a river. Its swaying curves, the liveliness around its banks, the soothing sound of the waters, the elegance of its confidence and sense of duty towards the awareness to keep moving. A river is synonymous with growth, vivacity and spirit.  

And yet, when it’s flow is successfully obstructed by another thing, living or non-living, should we approve of its flexibility and generosity, or condemn it for being spineless and ambitionless?

I read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged recently. Had read Fountainhead earlier and loved it, but was daunted by the size and solemnity of the prequel. The characters in both novels are so strong, so focussed and so assured about themselves and their goals. Howard Roark. Dagny Taggart. Henry (Hank) Rearden. John Galt. Francisco D’anconia...

They, who have the awareness of their purpose in life, are massacred by those that purely exist for making life hell for others without no capability or strength of their own. Yet, the first folks continues to fight and rebel, while the second continue to make their lives difficult. Who wins? Intermittently, the second category. They crush the efforts and the will of the first group, succeeding momentarily yet not emerging victorious in the long run. The first group leaves no stone unturned and no action incomplete. The second set find new and pathetic ways to curb their victories. The productive first folks are exploited and harassed by the second directionless and useless second group.

Would you want the second to take over the first? Coz that’s what is happening with the Mula river that is being encroached and destroyed by the water hyacinth… The river surface is almost entirely covered by the greens, so much so that is appears like a lawn, and not a water body.

I went past the bridge again a few days ago. Noticing a small pool of water in the greens that I hadn’t earlier, I turned to take a better look.

Looks like the concerned bodies have asked for the water hyacinth to be removed.

:-)

Long live life and productivity, and the people who make it possible!!!


They might be few, but they shall win in the end.

Don't be afraid of struggles, they make you stronger... and they're a sign that you're alive... Whoever challenged a dead man??


May you win, and may goodness prevail.

Amen.

Cheerio!
Princess

Inertia

The entire world’s closing in on me as I sink into an oblivion wherein I can neither float nor rise.

Maybe that’s what I must do now. Give in. Not resist. Not fight back. Just lie back and be numb.

Watch the scenes racing past me until I hit rock bottom and collide with the mass that will save me from this painful consciousness.

Sometimes death’s a rescue; a thing to embrace and not to fear or avoid.

Life is not easy. There are all kinds of situations to deal with, all kinds of people to face, all kinds of troubles to solve, and all kinds of discomforts to put up with.

Why all the hullaballoo about death? It’s living that is more difficult, laborious and agonizing.

The best of us learn how to adapt, and how to act. How to retain our sanity and honesty in a world that demands various shades of being true and fake.

A married woman who claims to love her husband and spends hours writing poetry about another prospective lover.

A sly guy who would spare no effort in fooling and licking up to the ones that can aid him in his pursuit of an easy, entertaining and effortless life.

An arrogant man who can pull the reins that he holds, but with no hold over the minds of the hardworking and efficient team that he heads.

A man who believes that he was born to be taken care of, not deserving of dignity or awe, but expecting everything as his prerogative.

Acquaintances who pretend to like each other and can’t wait to put down the very person they proudly and very overtly hail, as soon as their backs are turned.

Hypocrites that do not have the courage to stand up and accept the truth that may damage their so-called image or prospects.

An exploitative, ungrateful family that hurts and destroys the simple, loving son who still yearns and tries to fulfil their each and every need.

Leaders who pretend to want nothing of their own, yet scamper for cover and torch the ones below when the first sight of doom presents itself.

Friends who wait to be called in times of need and renounce friendships at the drop of a hat.

People who announce that they’re god’s gift to the universe, those that can’t make one intelligible conversation that does not reek of half-baked lies and pomposity.

Oh, what world do we live in?

Adapt and act...

Sometimes, you just need to give in. Lie back and watch the drama.

And if you’re lucky, you get some popcorn to go with it :-)

Hang in there, good times are not too far away !!!

Cheerio!
Princess

When I gave you up...

When I gave you up,
I forsake a life of insecurity,
I embraced a new hope,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
I let go of the fears that you bestowed,
I razed my compromised wishes,
And dared to live,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
I chose a strength,
One that let me be me,
And not cower under your desires,
I opened my eyes to courage,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
I learnt that I was not less significant,
That I was not merely a tool for your happiness,
To be there for you when you were low,
I deserved to be prized and treasured too,
I saw my own value,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
I felt the pain and anguish,
Of losing what is held close and divine,
What I thought was the necklace adorning me,
Was the very noose that tightened around my neck,
Every moment I nurtured you and squashed my needs,
I relinquished a life of servitude,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
Freedom and joy seemed strange,
A novelty I was afraid to get used to,
I sought your hand in mine,
I screamed in my head for you to come and hug me,
Tell me that my place was with you,
But Fate could see me sad no more.
It gave me a new chance, a better one,
When I gave you up.

When I gave you up,
I realised that I was not really giving you up,
I was only moving on to what lay ahead,
It was priceless, and it was my destiny,
That I shied away from, coz I called you my own,
A new love, a greater existence,
Where I could demand and expect,
Not that it was required, coz the world was placed at my feet,
I met somebody that outshone you a thousand times,
When I gave you up.

And now as I thank the person that loves me beyond my wildest dreams,
I am so thankful that I gave you up…

As I walk along with my angel sent down from paradise,
I rejoice that I gave you up…
And I wish I’d given you up sooner…

In My World...

Hi there fellas,

It’s been a while since I last wrote… About me I mean. Directly and autobiographically.

Truth be told, there was so much happening that I was too exhausted physically and mentally to sit down and write about it.

Work’s been taking a toll on me as life professionally does not seem at a great high. I’m doing the same old and trying to kick the boredom out by seeking the novel and un-monotonous. Not been too successful, so biding my time until circumstances are more opportune and bright. As they say, sometimes you just gotta wait… coz there’s nothing else you can do.

Did I tell you I holidayed in Goa in Feb? Spent a week there, didn’t wana come back. It was terrific. Having sightseen all of the state, there was little left for me to do apart from relax. That’s exactly what I meant to do. I spent half the week on the bed in my hotel, catching up on sleep and lazing around. The remaining half was obviously spent in shacks and on the beach relishing the sight of the waves and the delicious food and drinks. A week passed in the blink of an eye; nostalgia grips me as I live through each drab day back at the grind.

The fun bit is, I read barely a page of the book that I’d carried with me, intending to finish. This is remarkably unbelievable, given the readaholic I am. I have no clue how those 24 hours in a day rushed past, or how an entire week obliterated in a matter of seconds. Playing Angry Birds at Aggie’s on Calangute beach and roaming on an FZ through the lanes that led to Fort Aguada, playing with the water and sipping mindblowing coffee at German Bakery (yeah!! GB !!), a luxurious dinner at After Seven with a delightful host, chatting in the lively Baga beach lane and marvelling at the changes at the Flying Dolphin shack that I visited about 5 years ago on my maiden trip to Goa… Feb 11 to Feb 18 – shan’t forget you for a long time to come, and will come back to refresh memories as soon as I possibly can!!

Before leaving for my much needed vacation, I appeared for the final exam in Spanish. Not surprisingly, I scored 95% marks and aced the class. Call me nerd, geek or what you may, I barely studied, and yet was confident that I would do well. In fact, I promised myself to take it easy and not worry about marks (being the achievement-oriented good girl of my parents who makes them proud in every test or challenge). I wasn’t learning Spanish for an enviable mark-sheet; I was learning the language coz I was enamoured by it, and had been planning to do something new for a long time now.

The classes were heaps of fun, and I loved the jokes that I shared with my professor Mandar and my classmates Joyce, Vedika, and others. Teasing Amit, Zareen and Prajakta was never difficult, and the project display with Neerav and Hameet was a reminder of our school day presentations. Preparing for the cultural fest and studying for the tests and exams was enjoyable as well, and now, at the end of it all, I really miss those weekends when I got distressed coz I had to wake up early for class. Of course, now, without the practice and exposure, I’ve kinda lost touch with the language, but I still feel excited when I hear or see anything Spanish. Some connection, I guess.

I watched Kahaani last weekend, and I must admit, I can’t hate Vidya Balan anymore. Ask me why I want to hate her, and I don’t know how to answer that. But I was grossed out by the Silk Smita movie, and she is too bold for my liking. Yet, her acting is admirable, and I am reminded of Bhool Bhullaiya where she has delivered a fantastic performance. Given the scarcity of good female talent in Bollywood, I sure think she has arrived. She’s anyday better than Kareena, Sonakshi, Sonam and all the other newbies. Even Katrina is good to ogle at, but disappoints in terms of acting. Well well, that’s quite some praise, eh? Coming from me, Vidya’s definitely earned it :-)

I continue to read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. I started reading quite a while ago, but hey, the book’s 1000 pages long, and I haven’t had too much spare time. Besides, it’s a heavy book, and I’m savoring every page. The characters are so dignified and strong – I wish I was half like them, uncaring about people and their opinions, confident about their own ambition and choices. I do know some people like that in real life, and I plan to get there someday. Retain my warmth and spontaneity, yet be strong and dauntless in times of confusion, doubt and chaos.

As each day passes, I wonder with increasing frustration, why it is that the bad folks are popular and the good ones bitched about… Is the world so full of hypocrites that they hail each other and let the decent ones feel sidelined and criticized? I manage to see the good in every person, regardless of my personal appraisal of them. Why, then, do they not see me for who I am? If they do, why do they prefer to keep the distance? Is it better to be ignored than to be hated? I reckon. After all, they who bitch, bitch about everybody including their so called “friends”. Better off out of that evil circle, right?

Anyway… I’m also reading Karl, Aaj aur Kal by Cyrus Broacha. The creative comic that he is, Cyrus tires and disappoints me when he tries too hard. And that is what is happening with this book. It dint get too rave a review, but I wanted to read something that was light and celebrity-related. And honestly, Cyrus deserves to be read once. Once. Ahem, get the point, right?!

My latest hangouts in town – Terttulia, though it’s expensive and Subway, healthy and evergreen. I’ve recently discovered Café Leo which is a branch of the Leopold in Mumbai. It serves their USP, tower beer, which as the name suggests, is beer in a tower. It’s thrilling more than anything else, and pretty inexpensive as well. 6 mugs for 600, not bad, eh? And the range of delicious starters (you cant miss the Chilly Potato!) makes the trip totally worth it. The mocktails and cocktails are cool, too. Must visit!!

That’s all for now, buddies. Wish you a very happy Gudi Padwa and may all your “sensible” dreams come true in this new year…

Loads of love and luck to you and me!!

Cheerio!
Princess