Experiences...

Hello there!

How are all you lovely people doing? I hope you had a colourful Holi and a marvellous Easter :-)


They say what you deserve comes to you, even if it comes late. It is hard to believe this when you do all the good possible in the world and then you are rewarded with loss and frustration. I have been down in the dumps for as long as I can remember owing to certain complications at work and outside. But der aaye durust aaye. Things are looking up now. And as you are my trusted well-wishers, I do hope aap log nazar nahi lagayenge!!


My husband has been pampering me no end. But we've also had some horrid moments. Turns out life isnt all hunky dory if you marry a person of your choice... LOL. In the end, it all boils down to adjustment and tolerance. The fact that count is that we cannot live without each other. And equally true is that we make life horrible and beautiful for each other. Part of the deal...

Appreciation has been flowing in at work. Better late than never. It's been 3 years and I thought I would be the first one in history to get promoted in record time. But time takes its course and seems like my due will be meted out to me soon. Been very busy and working very hard, so its only fair! But then, whoever is part of the corporate world or even the human world for that matter knows that fairness is a myth.


My parents love me to bits. They all do. Its a wonder how. Given the pathetic ways we treat and hurt them. They're angels, man. I feel so awful when I hurt them. But then, I forget that when I think they're acting nutty... The cycle continues, love you loads guys.... I do hope you know that despite my sick behavior.


Life's good. I hit the spa pretty regularly since my Four Fountains membership is about to expire soon. Going again tomorrow. Gudi Padwa custom! Hehe...


I stay impossibly busy these days having taken up a lot of new challenges personally and professionally. It's great. I also seem to be sleeping better despite all my zillion engagements. All in all, the uphill tasks seem to be done. Hope to carry the zest and success with me for a considerable time to come.

The Bollywood movie Himmatwala and Dia wine effectively ruined my long Easter weekend, but I watched G.I.Joe in 3D so that kinda killed the bad taste in the mouth. It did not however end up as marvelous an experience as my hubby led me to expect, as the person next to me was stinking worse than an open gutter. Talk about a horrid smell in the nose... Himmatwala was a torture and I shall forgive my darling dad for recommending it in the first place, but I cannot forgive Dia for being such a sickeningly sweet drink. I shall go the beer and red wine way the next time I feel like getting high and happy, thank you very much.


Lemme tell you more about the book I've been reading recently - Spicy Bites of Biryani by Ashwina Garg.


The cover of the book looked like your typical chic flick novel and the title was likewise. However, I was in for a surprise when the book turned out to be a refreshing read. The characters are real and the story is smart. You can easily relate to what the protagonists feel, and I found myself identifying with each one of them in their nightmares and joys. I especially loved the chemistry between Aditi and Sanjay, they are so different and yet their scenes together are fun and sizzling. Even the sensual bits are tastefully described. Aditi a little deviant, Sanjay a workaholic. Jayshree wanting to invite a little excitement in their life yet afraid to go the entire Mayank way.


Emotional scenes where serendipity struck more than a few times - how despite being together people stray in a relationship as they do not get enough attention and time from their partner, warding off boredom by means of something novel even if its not socially or personally acceptable, the concept of space and boundaries in a relationship, feeling helpless though intent and effort is right, men comfy in their unkempt skin while ladies obsess even if they look like fairies, envy and insecurity even if person publicly and formally your own....


Being an English virtuoso, I could not miss the typos and grammatical glitches, but thankfully they were few and insignificant. The drama quotient is upped a few notches towards the end, and while it is not innovative, it is what flows naturally.

I might be toeing the line here but I will go as far as to say that I liked reading this one better than Ravana, Oath of Vayuputras (Shiva trilogy by Amish) and Chanakya Chant. Writers these days are very talented and intelligent, but most of them cannot prevent the story from dragging. In my opinion, that is the biggest roadblock for Indian writers. Talk about Jeffrey Archer whose Clifton chronicles is about to unleash its third wave, or all those courtroom and thriller writing authors - they all have such a grip on the reader's mind that he cannot relax until the last page has been turned. What finesse! What genius! Got loads to learn, rising Indian stars.


Professionalism and customer service in India have a long way to go as well. My husband is battling with Kotak Mahindra while I am locking horns with Reliance Internet over pathetic service and unacceptable customer care. Hardly had I typed this, when Airtel decided to join the bandwagon with their ridiculour security checks and unwillingness to help. So much so, that they disconnect calls when they cannot help or you wont accept their word. So much time and money wasted. Not to mention frustration and irritation. But finally what can we do about it? Nothing. This is India after all... Customers are a pain in the a$$ here.


About the LBT - Local Body Tax or something... I'm so done with this strike in Pune that began over 2 weeks ago. Whoever applies the tax and whoever pays it, it is only burning a hole in the consumer's pocket. So why all the drama? We were mute when petrol prices were hiked and we will be helpless when they raise costs of other commodities. So why this chaos? What difference does it make to anybody else really? We're at the losing end no matter what... If only they'd tax Sharad Pawar, Vijay Mallya and other millionaires, everybody else would be spared.

That's about it for now...


Wait. Before I sign out, I must share this.... A trainee at work met with an accident and he is no more. I am shocked with this news, and it serves to remind us that life is unpredictable. Be the best you can be and live life to the fullest. Don't regret and don't hurt anyone. Make this a wonderful memory that you and everyone else remembers with bliss.


Until we meet next...



Cheerio!

Princess  

No Alvida's

He got into the lift just as she was about to close the door.

She had thought about this moment several times in the past month, but fortunately or unfortunately, it had never occurred before today.


She had moved into the massive corporate complex at HWG Corp and she knew that sooner or later they would bump into each other. Her ex had been with the same company for the last 7 years and she knew he worked at the same site as the one she had been posted to.


They looked at each other for a brief second and then looked away. Neither knew what to say or think. Having dated for 5 years, they definitely had "something" between them and ignoring was way too rude. Yet, now that they were both married, too much conversation was inappropriate. Civil was the way to go.

"Hi", he said shyly, before she could say anything. She recalled that he had always been shy and polite. Even when he was wooing her, she had not figured it out until well over 5 months later.


"Hey, how are you?", she replied. She really wanted to know, they hadn't spoken in ages...


"Good. And how is married life?"

He knew she was married. Hmm. Did that mean anything? She decided not to think about that too much.


"Great."

He keeps telling me he loves me, but I don't feel very loved most of the times... is what she actually wanted to say. But then, everyone knew that these conversation starters were not meant to be taken literally. "Good" and "great" were the only responses one was looking for when they enquired.


She looked at him carefully, taking care not to stare. He was wearing a checked shirt of his favorite color blue. His face looked chubbier than before, but everything else looked the same - his big sparkling eyes, his upturned nose, his wide smile and hesitant body language...


"So, how's work?" She asked him casually.


"Good. Are you still with Global Wiz?"

"No, I have joined HWG. It's been a month."


"That's great. You will like it here."


"I hope so. Thanks!"


Such inane chats were never her forte. Nor his. They had long conversations earlier where he told her about the world she knew nothing about - business, economy, GK, and the like. And she told him about nightlife, latest trends, astrology and gaming. Soon their conversations dwindled. While he pampered her and loved her more than his life, she realised there was a generation gap between them that they would never be able to bridge. When she had expressed a desire to move on with their lives separately, he had lashed out and pleaded in turns. But just as destiny had brought them together without warning, it flung them apart in a jiffy. He had gone on to get married to a girl within his caste. She had found her heart and soul in a guy that she had recently got hitched to.

As this history flashed in her mind, she noticed that the floors weren't changing. The lift was stuck! A complex like HWG and a power cut? No way!!


He pressed the alarm button calmly and smiled at her to reassure her. A bell rang to signal that there were people in distress.


Some things never change - he was still as gracious and responsible as always.


The light came back on and the lift started moving. What the hell was she thinking? This wasn't a movie where stalled lifts gave way to romantic encounters and out of the blue realizations about hidden emotions.


Her floor arrived. She got off gingerly and looked back to say bye. He was already looking at his mobile and just as he was about to dial a number, he looked up and saw the doors closing.


Sometimes, its better not to say bye. Who knows when we will meet again....  

- Princess

Experienced Wife Snippets

Here's how you women can make your marital life perfect...

This is that one-off time when I am not going to "lecture" the men but actually address the women... Coz advice given to the males always is forgotten / ignored / misunderstood / criticized...

(All ears now, aren't you, men and boys?)

I am now going to jot this down for the benefit of the females who I expect will be more open and intelligent in putting these lessons into practice. After all, they are the ones that truly need help despite the fact that they are often judged to be at fault when marital bliss is absent between spouses.


Here is my two pence, hope it makes your married life easier...


- Do not expect your man to be the same guy who doted on you and did not let you do a thing, who called or texted you every few minutes / hours, who made you feel like a queen in every way you imagined and dreamed. "Ghar ki murgi daal barabar" is no misconception. The girlfriend who was earlier available only for a few hours a day now becomes visible and approachable 24 hours a day. Obviously there will be repercussions. Be prepared to be involuntarily forgotten or purposefully ignored. TV and gaming will score over you in a list of priorities. There is nothing you can do about it. The first few times if you crib, he will keep it away. Soon, he will stop caring and it will become routine. You have to adjust to and accept your diminished value in his life. You are now expendable since you tied the knot with him. Had he still been pursuing you, you could have wrung him around your little finger. Your loss.


- He married you for convenience first and love later. Maybe you were his best bet or he was just forced into conjugal life. Either way he will still expect you to run the house and do all the chores. If you cannot, hire a maid but do not make his life miserable by requesting help or discipline. No matter if you have a job and earn more, house work will always be the woman's duty and the man will find it beneath him to do these tasks. If he does put the clothes in the washing machine and if he does keep things in their correct places, it is a favour he is doing on you. You might have lived like a princess in your house, but you're married now and that's not his problem. Gear up to hear this each time he folds his quilt - "I do everything I can for you".


- It is okay if he abuses and yells, but you cannot as much as wag a finger at him. Male chauvinists, the bunch of them. They want to threaten you and scare you. They will try to dominate you and show their manhood. If you accept it gracefully, then bless you. If not, the house will echo with screams and choicest words that will resound in your memory until the day you quit (the relation or this life).


- Be thankful for every tiny and every single thing he bestows on you. He wants to feel like a king all the time and be appreciated and respected. So what if he makes you feel like a total mess and a loser? If you are angry, calm down yourself coz no way was he at fault. But if his mood is screwed, you are definitely to blame. Your hurt and disappointment are due to your own expectations. If he actually takes the pains to please you, you ought to feel lucky and grateful. He cannot be held responsible for your needs and peace. All he wants is a happy or silent household. Do not voice your worries or sorrows. Just be quiet and deal with it yourself. Nobody else cares anyway.

- No matter how much you love him and how much he loves you, he needs his space. He cannot deal with being hounded and accompanied all the time. Don't keep waiting for him to text or call or ping you. You do it if you want. Or... The best way to handle this is to identify some time mutually when he can revel with his dumbbells, PSP and cell phone and whatever else. Let him bask in his own space for awhile and do not expect him to even remember you exist. It's not that bad really, you get time out for yourself as well... And as I read by Rori Raye - you could be pushing him away by chasing him... Give him a chance to miss you. Which means leave him alone now and then. Do not take care of everything. Do not plan all the time. Take things as they come. Do not be his mother. Let him be... and he will come looking for you with greater love and affection.

***


Sounds pretty nasty, innit? Cynical, realistic, bitter or pessimistic - whatever you call it. These tips will help you survive if you are like me. If you aren't, well you're more self actualized and I need to learn from you.

As the oft repeated sentence goes, "Shaadi wo laddoo hai, jo khaye pachhtaye, jo na khaye wo pachhtaye."


Ain't bad all the time, of course. But then, who needs advice when the going is good?


Good luck with your spouses.



- (was) Princess

My biggest nemesis

Anger.


There you got it. It's anger and there's nothing that I can do about it.


They call me chandi and say I have the worst temper ever. Maybe that is not entirely incorrect. But hey, I am way better than most people that I will not name here. At least I do not get violent or threaten anybody physically.

Here's the deal..

I cannot stop myself from expecting. I cannot stop myself from getting disappointed 98% of the times. And then I cannot stop myself from lashing out at the object of my disappointment. Call it the vicious circle but there is absolutely nothing I can do to end this process.


And then it would still be manageable if I could hold on to the anger forever (or at least for an extended period of time). This way, I will not bother about how the other person is feeling and not care about being hurt by that person again.


No. To make matters worse, I get angry in a jiffy and then overcome it in a short while. Which puts me at the losing end no matter what way you look at it.


Imagine this scenario where I am angry with my friend for some darned reason. All I want is attention and a sense of importance. Too much to ask for? Not according to me, but yes as per a whole other bunch of people. So, let's say that this friend did something that hurt my feelings (or ego - after all I am no saint).


And what happens next? Well, either he or she notices my reaction or not. Either they come over to discuss it or not.


If they notice and come over, well yes, I do give them a hard time because I expect some consideration from a person I consider close. But not as hard a time as I would mete out if they hurt me and did not even realise. The absolute worst thing that can happen is someone sees me hurt and ignores though they realise it.


Think over it. Just how tough is it to approach someone and clarify things? If the intent is in place, it is no big deal. But sometimes, unfortunately, people want to make a show of things and assert their own significance. For this precise reason, they throw their weight around when they shouldn't and hog all the limelight when they ought to apologize and make me feel better.


Forget all of that. Let's move on to the next step.


My anger subsides as quickly as it rises. I have a dirty (or good, depending on the way you look at it) habit where I immediately start empathizing with the other person no matter how horrible I feel. So, even while I am upset, I will go ahead and ensure that the other person does not feel wronged or hurt.


Sheesh! I am hopeless.


God, please give me the good sense to control my temper. If not, then at least bestow me with stubborness so that I will not take the first step when I am angry and hurt myself to set things right. I am done making all the efforts. It's time I felt cherished and wanted.


And if people cannot be bothered about that, well then I do not want these people in my life any more.


Over and out.


- Princess

Yello !!!!

Hey there fellas,

Feels like we haven’t connected in ages. Of course, my blog kept updating itself thanks to the schedule and auto-publish functions. Yet, I missed you…

What have I been up to? Well, loads really. Life hasn’t been very kind to me in the past few months (years actually, my saade saati just doesn’t seem to end). 

After all the struggle that came with finding a suitable boy and making him my groom, there remained only about a few hundred things to be sorted. That my professional life was in tatters did not help one bit, and that I felt totally lost and miserable most of the time was also equally depressing. My patience and strength were wearing thin and my faith was shaking…

Anyway, I did realise after all this trauma, that this is what is my destiny… And then my lifelong dream came true when I got this done…

Yessss… a permanent tattoo! Cool, innit? Does it pain? Hell yes. The making bit I mean. Now of course, it’s a week old and it doesn’t hurt at all. Only scratches. But at the time of getting the tattoo done, it is a lot worse than what people say. Ant bite and all that crap is horribly untrue. It pains badly. Especially when the artist holds your body part (the vibration shocked the living daylights out of me) and when the tattoo is near a bone. Tending to it is quite tedious, but well now that it is done with, I can say it is worth it :-)

I’ve been reading a lot of stuff too. Losing track actually since I am getting a whole lot of books to read and review as well as my own choice of books to read for recreation. I am so tied for time that I do not realise when time passes. I started Chanakya Chant by Ashwin Sanghi while Ravana is still incomplete. Spicy Bites of Biryani by Ashwina Garg is still waiting in the wings for its turn. So are my Readers Digests month on month. 

All this while the last book in the Shiva Trilogy by Amish is released and gracing my dining table. Sorry, my lovelies… Heartiest apologies.

I had to read A Maverick Heart : Between love and life by Ravindra Shukla, but the experience was so painful (yup, worse than my tattoo!) that I abandoned the thought (nightmare?) after 60 pages. The book is ostentatious and the editing is poor but what truly sucks is the story (or the lack of it). Sorry, Ravindra. You’re a fellow IBMer but I honestly think you ought to stick to Business Analytics and not delve into the writing territory.

I managed to download and watch a few interesting movies in the interim. Special 26 was awesome. What a super climax! Great acting too by Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher and Manoj Bajpayee. I wanted to watch Saheb Biwi aur Gangster Returns but the film has not been that fortunate yet. Sometime soon, maybe.

Difficulties, movies, books… falling out and making up with friends… trying to deal with life and all its myriad shades and phases… It’s been a tumultuous time for me, very trying and tough… Resilience and faith got me through, and I've been fighting God and asking for his grace and mercy alternately. 

Can’t wait for it to end. Or is happiness and peace a mirage that one runs towards but never reaches?

I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way!!

C ya later alligator :-) May the good lord be with you.

Cheerio!
Anuja

Job Jabbers : Part 4

(This is the fourth part of the series; to read previous just scroll down)


Functions of an employment department

- Analysis of positions and suitable executives (Each executive is interviewed and carefully analyzed for two purposes; first, to find whether he is indeed the right man in the right place; second, to observe his characteristics, his peculiarities, his personality, and to learn from him his preferences. All of these are carefully listed, and, in selecting employees, care is taken to select only those who will work harmoniously and happily with the executives under whom they are placed.)

- Analysis of potential employees and securing them

- Reports and records - monitor employed applicant behavior/performance

- Recommendation for transfer, promotion, discharge and salary hike

- Information to management, aid in discipline, settlement of disputes

- Consultation in pay rates

- Transfer and

- Welfare activity

That’s that about the book… Analyzing Characters. Had to put this (extensive) summary here for my recall as well as the probable advantage to interested readers. You can download the free e-book if you find this piece stimulating. Just the click the title mentioned earlier in this paragraph.


I stumbled upon a post by Penelope Trunk in her popular blog that I sometimes follow: How to talk about your weakness. I thought it relevant to mention it here.


One common question that most assessors ask is tell me about your weakness. Both the interviewer and the interviewee know that this question is bull-s*it. Whoever would honestly confess about being lazy or deceitful?

However, Ms. Trunk advises that we mention something that is not related to your area/focus of work. For instance, If you are hired to think of the big picture, you can state your weakness lies in detail-oriented work. This is both candid, as well as constructive. An artist who is bad with finances is a good hire for a company. The point is you got to be smart, yet careful of what you say. Chances are, if you don’t know your weakness, you don’t know your strengths well either.


Analyzing character: stories of misfits, why people choose/do the wrong job, virtues and recruiting tips… Four parts in this Job Jabbers series.


And that’s all for now!

Have a wonderful one ahead :-)
Day, career, life… everything!! 

Wish you loads of luck and success… and satisfaction, last but not the least.


Cheerio!

Princess

Job Jabbers : Part 3

(This is the third part of the series; to read the first two simply scroll down…)

After talking about misfits at a particular job and their reasons for being so....

Next in the book are various requirements: physical, intellectual, and emotional, required for various careers (for example, aggressive folks cant be expected to do peaceful tasks), and how to recruit the right people.

An excerpt: There are two distinct types of executives. There is the impatient, driving, quick, keen, positive, irritable type. This man can get good results from a certain type of worker, but he only irritates, frightens, and drives to sullen resistance other types. The other is the mild, kindly, persuasive, patient, enduring, persistent, determined type of executive, who wins his success by attracting to himself the intense loyalty and devotion of his men. Both types are successful, but they are successful with different kinds of men. The employer who selects executives, therefore, needs to bear this in mind.


Mention is made of a businessman in trouble and a “Socratic” personality consulted for his expertise. After a detailed tale, here is what Socratic recommends as six old-fashioned virtues that when cultivated will reap positive results.

1. The first virtue is Order. You waste time and energy because you let your

work push you instead of planning your work and then pushing your plan.

2. The second is Punctuality. You lose time, money, friends, temper, and will-power because you are vague and careless about making and keeping appointments.

3. The third is Courtesy. You have to be tactful and considerate towards others. You ask me to come and help you, and then tell me you are busy but sorry - that's patronizing. You ignore a caller and read papers on your desk, that's rude. You can't afford these in business.

4. The fourth is Economy. Your time is worth more to this business than that of all the staff put together. You spend it doing what a ten-dollar-a-week girl could do just as well, it is sinful extravagance. It wastes your time and hers. Worst of all, it undermines your self-respect and her respect for you.

5. The fifth is Honesty. Business must be done at a profit, but not with dishonesty, unfairness and greed. Give everybody a square, equal deal. That will build confidence and increase trade. And then you can leave your salespeople to wait on all customers, giving you more time for real management.

6. The sixth is Courage. It's easy enough to see obstacles, to make excuses, to procrastinate. When a hard task has to be done, fear not, and do it.



A dialogue between an engineer who hates his job and a caring friend:

Friend: "Well, then, why don't you do something else?"

Engineer: "I don't know what to do. I like mechanics, and some job of this kind is the only thing I know how to do or would care to do. Yet, I don't care for this. I must confess that I am puzzled as to what in the world I was made for, anyhow."

Friend: "What you need is to give your time and attention to the intellectual side of engineering rather than the purely mechanical and physical. You are of the intellectual type, find a job like that. Else, it's like you were an eagle trying to cross the country on foot.”


The authors apologetically admit that they offer no golden key to unlock the door to success. There is no magic way in which some wonderful, undiscovered talent can be discovered within a person and made to blossom forth in a night. There is no short cut to wealth / fame, and nobody else can guess your strengths or what you should do.


Two lovely paragraphs to sum it up…

If you are a worker and not a shirker, a lifter and not a leaner; if you have done your best to succeed in your present vocation, and are still dissatisfied, and feel that you could do better in some other line of work, determine your new calling.


If you have never attempted your best, never worked your hardest; if you have grown weary, and laid down your burden in the face of difficulties and obstacles; if you have neglected your education, your training, your preparation for success, then, before you make a change, before you seek vocational counsel, do your best to make good where you are. It may be the one vocation in which you can succeed.


A note is also made of the high cost of hiring and firing in organizations. A powerful thought: There is only one legitimate reason for putting any man or woman on the payroll, namely, that he or she is well fitted to perform the tasks assigned, will perform them contentedly and happily and, therefore, be a valuable asset to the concern. But with foremen, superintendents, and other minor executives selecting employees, for any reason and every reason except the legitimate reason, it is small wonder that employees grow discontented and leave, are demoralized and incompetent so that they are discharged. For these reasons it is an unusual organization which does not turn over its entire working force every year.


Final part coming up next week... Until then, ciao !!

Be well :-)

- Anuja