Thursday, March 10

Just Gonna Stand There...

On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright
And this thing turned out so evil, don't know why I'm still surprised
Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind...

Prayaas' alarm tone.

Sakina hated that song when she was with him.
It rang, menacingly melodic, reminding them they had to get up and part...
She was not ready to leave him yet...

She loved that song when she was alone.
It reminded her of Prayaas, and the warmth when he locked her in his arms... displaying no sign of letting go...

Sakina didn't know what was between her and Prayaas.
It went deeper than trivial words of justification and stopped short of real expressions of emotion.

All she knew was she liked him. And she knew he did, too.

She trusted him beyond reason.

More than once had she wondered why she felt so comfortable with him.
Maybe because he had never let her down.
Maybe because he'd been there when she least expected it.

Maybe because she knew he'd stand by her and hold her when she faltered.

It was beautiful, this thing they had.

She cracked jokes that nobody but she laughed at, and she looked at him, loving the look on his face - incredulity at her animatedness, frustration at the dumbness of her joke, affectionate acceptance and surprise at her being herself - all mixed together. That gorgeous smile. He looked stunning. She could look at him forever.

Their kisses were divine. They began at any instant, and there was no saying when they would end. They teased and giggled at the oddest times during lovemaking, and they invariably ended up making love no matter what they'd begun doing in the first place. Everything was so natural, so real. There was no pretense; no false promises to keep, no fake images to uphold.

She was thankful they'd met. He brought her happiness, and intentionally or unintentionally, he was teaching her one of life's greatest lessons - not to expect.

Not that she was mastering it as quickly as she'd like. But she was learning nevertheless.
And every small step counted.

He exuded confidence and a sense of peace, she felt calm and protected when she was with him.
And sometimes, lost in his independence and self-sufficiency.

The contentment and bliss that surrounded him like an envelope readily grabbed her and made her serene and tranquil.
And it also made her angry at times, because she was impacted by any and every thing around her.

Come to think of it, she was often either jumping for joy or sobbing with sorrow. Her life existed in extremes. In spontaneity and immediate confession.

His... well, he hardly ever gave it a thought. Why waste time and energy ruminating when there were so many other things to do?

Do opposites attract?
Were they really so opposite?

They were fascinated by each other.

He was quick to warn her that she ought to be wary, both of others and him, considering the kind of person she was and the way people were.

How she wished he'd be as speedy and upfront in telling her what was on his mind at any given time...

Or maybe as he insisted, he didn't think anything most of the time. She could be imagining his depth of feeling and joyfulness with her. She didn't want to believe that...

His answers more often than not disappointed her with their detached candor. As she'd observed multiple times, his honest answers were not the best answers she was longing to hear.

Yet, her questions never ended. Her vivacious curiosity never defused. Just like his frankness did not ebb.

His gentle side was surprisingly pleasant. When it rained, it poured!
It made her feel on top of the world - so calm and cherished, wanted and cared.

She relived the moments when they were together a million times in her head.
Each time a shiver ran down her spine...

How could she explain this?

She knew she was asking for trouble by analyzing this and setting herself up for sadness...

She knew she was making it bigger than what he'd prefer...

In her mind she knew that this was supposed to be nothing but enjoying-life-and-doing-what-you-like-and-taking-things-as-they-come-without-too-much-thought-or-planning.

Trouble was, she didn't function that way.

Yet she was trying - this cool, chill life with a focus on merriment and instant gratification without long-term aims and hassles.

She still remembered he'd told her - "Keep your expectations low and you won't be disappointed".

She couldn't help raising them, given the marvelous and unexpected way they had turned out.

But she knew this... For all his care-a-damn nature, Prayaas was a wonderful person, witty and genuine.
His heart was in the right place, and she admired his maturity.
She wished she was like him...

Though he reminded her that was not a great way to be.


Sakina knew Prayaas would always be happy. And that was what she wanted for him, too. Irrespective of what happened between them.

In this tug of war, you'll always win, Even when I'm right.
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand...


Unknown said...

There are some memories which cant be forgotten.They only come to ur mind when you are in a dark phase only to say"hey i m still there in ur mind & heart"

Anonymous said...

Memories shall remain forever after we moved on and got a life.This love story strangely ressemble my love story with someone whose name starts by S.My only love story which started in Mumbai and ended there.I love the post. Strange!How our respective lives are connected.That's why we are called humans!!!!!!

Unknown said...

I think m in da same stuff....
Can u suggest ?

Unknown said...

I don't know.
Just don't wanna ruin up things....

Princess said...

@ Dev - indeed buddy :)
And they make you smile and weep... with joy and pain... That's life isnt it? So beautiful :-)

@ Vishal - Absolutely! No matter how different or unique we are, there's always something common that we share with someone... And it makes you feel so connected in your loss and victory!

@ Prashant - I'm presuming you mean a relationship of a similar sort... Well, I'm not here to preach or teach :-) I can help...

The best thing to do would be take time and be open. Share your feelings and needs. And most important, dont ignore the hints! They'll help you make the right choice...

Thanks all for writing in!


Dream last night

I dreamt of you last night. I know I dreamt of you last night. I don't know why I dreamt of you last night. In my dreams, you were at my...