Horn-ey tales

Time to give you the raison d'être for the claim I made the other day, when I said women honk for business, men for pleasure. Check out the females on the Indian streets. (In Pune, you can’t “check them out” too well coz their faces are veiled and concealed with rounds and rounds of scarves and stoles. But what I meant here, is check their riding and/or driving. I know how your minds work, silly buggers!)

You see, women love to honk. Be it a truck that pays no heed to even the biggest of buses, or the crazy rickshaw fellas who ignore you as if you were non-existent, or the cycle-wallas that purposely linger in the centre of the road. (Check Road Rage for further details) Women honk to get people outa the way (so what if they are already outa the way by miles?!!) and women honk hard (so what if noone’s heeding them?!!)

I know women are bad at the wheels. (All you females, do bear in mind I’m a woman too! And all you men, pls remember there are exceptions to every rule!). In fact, an exceptionally amusing friend once remarked that if you see a buffalo and a woman looming ahead in your way, then it’s best to trust the buffalo coz you never know which direction the lady will swerve...

But anyway, the point is, that women mean business when they blow the horn. They have a purpose behind it that is purely professional.

Men usually don’t honk. I must have known a million males in my lifetime, and encountered a zillion on the roads, and barely 5% of them may have honked at one time or the other. For business, I mean. The rest are usually lafangas and loafers that don’t let go off the horn-knob. They blare away to glory and their key functions are to tease women or attract attention. Hence, the musical and hideous horn tones - right from baby wails to movie songs and the like.

So well, the next time you’re on the roads, do confirm what I’ve stated above, and I’d be more than happy to hear your comments and arguments. It’s a free world!

Also been reading/hearing that people are going gung-ho about auctions and the worldwide web. It no more makes news when people auction actual stuff coz there’s so many unusual stories in the West doing the rounds. Like a woman auctioning her husband, a man auctioning his wife’s pet, or a couple auctioning their teeth, etc etc and etc. Ebay and other portals have turned into exciting scoops for tabloids and blogs. So I thought I should give it a shot, too.

What may my wares be...?

How about my sorrows... Varied, consistent and ubiquitous. About people, primarily, but also about fate and future. Your steady cohort, your unfaltering companion, your constant buddy... Come what may... While joys and worries come and go, this loyal partner will always be by your side... Such is the magnitude and intensity...

No?

Then how about my loneliness? ...

Not happening either, eh?

Well, how about me? ;-)

Aah... you won’t be able to afford that!

(Jeez... what crap I’m talking!)

Hey, I forgot I had to give you the lowdown on my rickshaw encounters. I’d spoken about 2 incidents in different autos that I’ll never forget in my life.

On one occasion, as me and a friend were traveling in an auto, I just happened to ask why guys get off the bike seat when the vehicle goes bump.

Pin-drop silence.

As my friend mused over what an appropriate response to this question might be, I saw the auto-driver trying his best not to look my way... And it struck! (Umm... well... sorry boys... I really didn’t know... But now I do... And I completely empathize... *Balls* to what others think or imagine... TC guys...)

The other was when I was arguing with a friend about how one’s girlfriend should be treated and pleased after a fight. I enjoy chatting with auto-wallahs and waiters, and I thought I’d rope him in our conversation. “Kyu bhaiya, aap kya karte ho agar aapki biwi maanti nahi hai?” (= what do you do if your wife doesn’t yield to your apologies?)

Pat came the answer “ek jhaapad maarta hu usko” (= I give her one tight smack).

I don’t need to tell you what a laugh my friend had as mera paasa ulta padd gaya... I mean, not in my wildest dreams had I anticipated such an answer. I checked again with him to make sure he had understood my query correctly. And he restated that indeed, he would beat her up. “Ab maanegi nahi to kya karega?!!” (= what else can I do if she doesn’t listen?)

Sufficiently sobered, I alighted as my destination arrived.

As it has now...

Happy weekend!
Princess