Frankly, I never gave it much thought. It just appealed to me, calling myself a princess, and lonely at that, coz I considered loneliness my steady companion.
Truth be told, I had to choose a name for my blog, and I chose “Life”, and when I was prompted to choose a url, I typed life.blogspot.com. Rejected coz of its brevity, I mechanically clicked life-lonelyprincess, and it got accepted. That’s the story. (And then of course, my namesake told me to personalize it, so I changed it to anujarathi.blogspot.com. But don’t you already know that!)
Now when I think of it, I think I identify myself with the “lonely in a crowd” expression. I’ve met a zillion people in my life, but inspite of being close friends, people always moved on. And I didn’t. I thought that just like me, people would be loyal to the relation and stay, even if they physically moved away. Maybe my temper, maybe my expectations, maybe the monotony – don’t know what made them seek newer pastures. I felt bad, disappointed and hurt. But then, that’s life. Doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to...
Be it school, when the Marathi crowd stuck together, or college when the hostel-ites formed a clique, I found myself trying to fit in with my peers. (Cleared out my cupboard yesterday, and was amazed to read the many dilemmas and conflicts that occurred between 2002-2007, all safely preserved in my Dear Diary, now reduced to scrap and rubbish in the trash can.) Perhaps it was my inferiority complex or my insecurity that urged me to be close with the ‘hep’ people, who I now realize only “appeared” to be popular coz of the aura we built around them. Perceptions at play again, you see... When you delve deeper, you will observe that they are just like us (maybe worse!) in more than a few areas.
The point being, people came and people went, I still carry their memories with me, but I have now come to terms with the fact that not everybody is out looking for lifetime companions. When in Rome, be like the Romans, and forget the others, is the norm of the current age. (It’s amazing how Abba still has childhood friends who he doesn’t meet for ages, but are in contact, and as close as if they’d met the day before. But then, that's another generation altogether.)
So, signing off as “lonely princess” does not mean I’m alone or unsocial, it just means that life has taught me that in the end, you’re always by yourself. And you’re the only one you can rely upon. It is difficult, especially as feedback and support are my blood and oxygen. Nevertheless, one must go on. Through times testing and people indifferent. Life goes on...
As does this blog!
Hey, if you’re one of those who say or hear constant grumbles like “why does this always happen to me?”, then here’s an answer to the whine-o-thon. In the Mahabharata, Yudi asks the same question to Lomasa muni – “Why does a man who treads the path of dharma suffer, while those that are steeped in evil come to no harm?” We all see the good folks living in pain and penury, and the bad ones enjoying life and luxuries. And we ask WHY???
The response is this : The evil ones don’t flourish, but only appear to, that too briefly. No man prospers by sin. He is troubled by his own conscience; his own crime consumes him from within. Someday those that he sinned against will recover from the harm he did to them, but the sinner’s guilt remains with him. It torments him till his hour of retribution arrives. There is no escape, justice overtakes him and brings his destruction. Besides, life isn’t as short and simple as it seems. What you’re suffering today may be the punishment for some previous sins. We all have lived many lives before this...
Hope that gives you the persistence and poise to go on and tackle the multitude of challenges that life poses.
Keep the faith!