I look at you… and I see you looking right back at me.
Does it fluster me?
Not at all.
Yes, actually. It kinda does. Coz I see so many things in your eyes.
Pain. Coz you miss me.
Jealousy. When you see someone else sharing a laugh or heart to heart with me.
Yearning. Coz you know things would seem better no matter how bad they really are, had I been by your side.
Frustration. Coz you think I cannot see your loneliness.
Anger. Coz you think your misery gives me joy.
Revengefulness. Coz you want me to suffer and feel what you’re feeling.
I totally see what you’re going through.
You always knew I knew what you thought and felt.
I still do.
And I know you force yourself to hate and ignore me.
And it doesn’t work.
And that bugs you probably a little more than the fact that I seem so blissfully unaware and merry in my own life.
You detest me for being happy.
You resent me for not being with you.
You gave me no choice.
You pushed me away.
So many times.
In so many ways.
I just had no other option.
I thought we were meant to be.
I was so utterly sure that you were my one and only.
But I found it hard to keep up with your heartless disappearances and complete lack of priorities.
Yes, I gave up.
I couldn’t fool myself no more into believing that you truly, loyally, unconditionally and selflessly cared.
And that you would do so forever.
Till death do us apart.
As I look at you now, giggling away, trying to show it doesn’t matter and you’re doing very well, thank you… I wonder… Are you aware of your own pretenses? Coz you’re sure as hell not deceiving me.
God bless you.
The One You Couldn't Have