Friday, December 27

Letter To a Lonely Heart

This is a really ancient post... and considering that the person I wrote it for is neither in touch nor will ever be, I think it's okay to post it, as fiction if we're not comfortable with owning up to its reality. 

Just to let us know that people who don't deserve love need it the most, and people who seem tough outside are really warm when you get to know them... So give everyone a second chance... And for some, give them at least one chance rather than staying hard and haughty. 

***

Hey XYZ,

We haven’t been talking for some time now. For reasons best known to you and not completely unfamiliar to me. But that doesn’t mean you’ve been off my mind. Though obviously I’ve not quite figured in your scheme of things. The happy-go-lucky and pragmatic chap that you are…

However, the last time you really opened up to me remains etched in my memory like a scratch on a rock. You told me about yourself. About who you really were and what you’ve been through.
I remember you asking me once whether I’d had a difficult childhood. I got offended; it was a pathetic joke. Never quite appreciated your scalding sense of humor and your habit of cracking up at others’ expense and on their weakness. In turn, I asked you if your childhood was troubled… And you said yes. Simply that one word… Yes.

I’m not one to judge people by their past or reputation. I don’t think that’s fair. People change, life changes and one can never have seen or learnt everything in life. Yet your story made me sensitive to the fact that you’ve been through hard times, and if that can’t justify your bitterness, it can at least give you the benefit of a doubt. After all, a divorced mother turning her elder penniless son out of the house must have been a tough situation for the both of you. And why? 

Just coz the son was tired of cycling endless miles day after day and his estranged dad suggested that he buy him a motorbike. Not fair. I wonder what reasons your mum had for taking this ruthless step, and never turning back…

You said you stayed at the bus stop for four days, as you had no place to go and no one to turn to. I remained silent. You told me you rationed out peanuts as you had no money even for a bite or for a hotel room. I was quiet. You said you somehow found a job, and started your life afresh. I was still speechless. And then, you helped your mum and sibling in times of need, without being appreciated or respected.

And still I could not say a word.

I was very touched, let there be no doubt about that. I could feel what you’ve felt. The pain I experienced sitting on that chair in the pantry at work was as intense as the hurt you went through at the bus stop. You know, it doesn’t always need a person to experience the same things physically to absorb how they would feel mentally and emotionally.

My eyes were moist as I clung to every word you spoke, yet my lips were mute. I did not want to insult what you were sharing with me, by saying something that you would find inappropriate or demeaning. I did not want to offer empathy; I wanted to applaud your strength and bravery. I could not react, I was afraid I’d do something that would make you clam up and end your narration. I certainly knew you wanted no pity, but as much as I wanted to place my hand on your arm or hug you, I felt that wasn’t right either.

I’m sorry. I feel stupid that I just sat like a dumb duck while you spoke.

But I care.

I hope you know that.

I thank you for trusting me with your story and allowing me to sense your vulnerability. That’s a courageous thing to do. More so, because I know that you did not do it with the intention of garnering sympathy or boasting.
I just have one thing to tell you now that I’ve made my sentiments known - Don’t let the rancor of your past ruin your or someone else’s present. Don’t wreck your relationships showering your hatred or hostility on those who do not deserve it. And also don’t rush to those who only pretend to be loving and supporting you.

But of course you’re smart enough to figure that out for yourself.
Take care.
Princess

(In case XYZ continues to visit my blog and reads this, hi you and hope you're doing fine. I wish you well always, even though you really hurt me so many times. I feel a special bond with you, no clue why. I guess lonely hearts connect in weird ways. Goodbye and good luck.)

Happy New Year All... Ho Ho Ho!!

Cheerio!
Anuja

1 comment:

vishalbheeroo said...

Dear Anuja
Thanks for sharing this story n to Bob as well for having the nerves n srength to share wid u.It requires guts to share a delicate part of the self..
Im contemplating to blog on ma childhood on my blog..choose nt to give an insight here coz Im moved n dumbstruck by wat u wrote..mine wasnt a bed of roses but here is nt bout me but ur friend.How life make us strong?!I wonder if there is anything called life?
Cheerio
Vishal