If you have come here for some fun and laughs, I would ask to be forgiven and excused. Today’s not your day. It belongs to someone who really needs me for something else.
This is for you, you.
Read well, and read with trust and acquiescence. You know I care for you.
You want to believe a million things, not one of them is true.
You have to accept that everything you thought was false, a pretty façade that came crashing down.
You’re lucky it did.
You’re fortunate it did when it did.
Any longer, and the consequences would have been even more grim and grave. Not that circumstances aren’t already bad and painful enough.
You weaved and conjured a utopia that promised to be beautiful if not exactly perfect. You so desperately wanted to suppose that things can always change for the better as people decide to change in love. Sweetie… that does not happen. How could you be so naïve?
I wonder what you were thinking. I wonder if you were even thinking. Love does funny things to people. But this was plain foolish. They’d warned you. They’d told you in ways subtle and unmistakable that you were making a blunder. However, cupid had blinded you. He usually does, the stupid bugger.
When you told me that he loved you (and you told me that everyday), I felt happy for you. I saw the way you were changing in order to be with him. It pleased me that you mellowed down, but it also scared me that you were in for trouble, placing all your hopes in that hopeless individual. For a moment, I also mulled over the possibility of him having turned over a new leaf. Then I recalled, this only happened in books and movies.
(Not even in them these days. Thank god for real cinema.)
It was all fake – those words, those assertions, assurances and confessions. He did not mean one bit of it. Just like he smoothly glides out of every challenge in his life, he lucidly fooled you by saying what you wanted to hear. After all, you did like him for his intelligence.
Did you not know that he was past help? What made you think you could impact him in a way that no one had before? His superficiality is so conspicuous, the way he bullshits himself and others is so evident. And yet, like a fool, you were charmed and taken in.
I don’t know what to marvel over – his easy victory, or your sanguine idiocy.
What beats me is that you expect he’ll walk over and set the ball in motion again! How daft can you be? Despite the way he ended it, you still harbour stupid fantasies... How dim-witted and ludicrous!! I see you wanting to be shown that you mattered, that you still mean something. This, from a person who did not tell you that you meant the world to him even when you were a part of his life?!!
You wish he misses you, you dream that he feels lonely and lost without you. He doesn’t. He isn’t capable of loving anyone but himself. As if you didn’t know that when you decided to take the plunge.
You’re a strong woman, smart and mature. Sensitive, yes. Let that not wreck your future. What’s done is done. It was bound to happen. As someone told me the other day, everyone knew it would – they were only waiting to see when…
Get a life, babes. Stop deluding and embarrassing yourself any further. This is THE END. In fact, you should be happy it didn’t last. You’ve been saved a lot of hurt and regret. Listening to excuses about being stressed, tired and unexpressive - aren't you bored of it? You need someone who isn't afraid or lazy to tell you that he loves you, that you're gorgeous and that he wants you forever.
Don’t for a moment think I’m saying this only to make you feel better (or worse). I’m only telling you the facts, trying to remove the wool you’ve pulled over your eyes. His gifts and letters remind you of him? Trash them. The presents you'd saved up to give him at an opportune ocassion? Bin them too. Don't waste your time and emotions anymore. Move on. He certainly has.
Old habits die hard, darling. And he was already too deep into his private hell to ever rise and see the bright heaven again. For lord's sake, he doesn't even know what it is... He’s going to lie low, and he won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of what he wants. Not even you. His idea of an ideal life revolves around himself, and the poor thing that he is, he isn’t even aware of what he’s missing. When he does (if he does), he’ll know your worth. Right now, he's busy playing his games, one that temporarily involved you as well.
In any case, you have promised me to get on and not give a second thought to this.
I know that pledge was a lie. One that you’ve broken several times over.
I don’t blame you. I know you were attached to him in spite of wanting to be at an emotional distance to protect yourself from annoyance and disappointment. It happens, and you ought to pardon yourself. You’re a wonderful person, someone who brings much joy and love to everyone and everything around. You cannot let a jerk like him kill the sparkle in you. He doesn’t deserve it. Save your heart and warmth for someone who truly loves you and needs you. Not a mean, self-centred and manipulative loser like him.
I know it’s going to be hard. It wasn’t meant to be simple anyway.
But I also know that you can if you try.
You have faith in god, you believe everything happens for a reason, and you trust that it occurs for the best. With all these in mind, I see no way for you but to accept what has happened and wait for the next scene to unfold. I am sure it's going to be way better than anything else in your past...
I want to see that bright smile back. I want to feel that verve and sunshine again.
Can you do this for someone who really cares for you?
I love you.
Please come back girl. I miss you.