Silver Silence

You say I do nothing for you,
You say I don’t care,
I know I’m doing the best that my body and mind will allow,
But I shall remain silent.
Silent, as you voice all your misplaced anger.
I’ve given you that right.
I love you.
And I hope you realise that some day.

You hurt me in ways galore,
My pleas and protests fall on deaf ears,
I know I’m giving this the best I’ve got,
But I shall remain silent.
Silent, as you ignore me and make me feel wronged.
I’d given you that right.
I loved you.
And I hope you’ll sense that in your times of loneliness and sorrow.

You tell me not to think,
You laugh coz my feelings are sentimental and far-fetched,
I writhe in pain and jump in glee,
But I shall remain silent.
Silent, as you appraise and mock me.
I see you for the moments you’re losing by choosing not to celebrate.
I pray you evolve.
And I hope you witness life for how beautiful it is than for how you think it should be.

You help me rise when I’m down,
You’ve been there when I was depressed and lost,
I can’t describe enough how much I’m indebted,
After thanking you once, I shall thank you again.
Shan’t remain silent.
Will show my appreciation and vulnerability as you show me you care.
I’ve given you that right.
I love you.
And I hope you’ll stand by me forever.

I promise I will stay…
No matter you misjudge, disregard or ridicule me.
Coz that what makes me me.
And I can’t be you.
I choose not to be you.
So what if it means a few extra tears.
I’ll wait.
Till you know my worth.
And later too…

You're lucky I'm me...

-Princess

Chhupe Jaanwar

(… Sorry, Rustam, the animals take pride of place this time)

One of my slightly unusual colleagues was talking about something called cryptids and crypotozoology. I’d heard of mythological creatures before, but what he showed and said really intrigued me.

And then you know what happened next… I went digging around for info… and once I got it, it’s here for you to know and chew…

So, cryptozoology (and this I quote from wiki and various other websites that google pulled up) literally means "the study of hidden animals” (Greek “kryptos” = "hidden" + zoology). It refers to the search for animals considered to be legendary or otherwise nonexistent by the field of biology. As it relies heavily upon anecdotal evidence, stories and alleged sightings, cryptozoology is considered a pseudoscience; a branch unrecognized by zoology or science.

Not that that stops people from researching it though…

Like me.

Here’s the catch - many people mistakenly confuse cryptozoology with the study of mythological creatures. In fact it is a completely different science, being a variant of the more traditional zoology. Cryptozoology has no interest in unreal creatures. It is the study of living creatures that might exist now or have existed once but are not yet known formally. These potential creatures are known as cryptids, a term coined by John Wall in 1983.
Note: a cryptid does not have to be a "monster".

Wiki has an extensive list - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cryptids

Another extremely interesting and comprehensive site I found was this - http://www.newanimal.org/

And another, with a systematic format and description - http://enigmaticstatic.com/cryptidanalysis.html

Of course there are a lot of other specialized sites that describe this science and the creatures. Some famous names are the Loch Ness (fondly referred to as “Nessie” – reminds me of the Twilight series – apparently it also has a cousin called “Tessie”), Thunderbirds, Tsuchinoko, Yowie, Bigfoot, minotaur, yeti, centaur, hydra, sphinx, Leviathan, Pegasus, unicorn, mermaids and dragons, etc.

Which one’s my favourite?

I like the phoenix – the colourful, majestic bird called Fawkes that Dumblydore owned in the Harry Potter series. It symbolizes eternal life, and is associated with the rising sun. Myths say that only one phoenix can exist at a time. When it senses that its life is coming to an end - about once every thousand years - the phoenix builds itself a funeral pyre made of cinnamon or other aromatic material and allows itself to be consumed by the flames. Then, as the old phoenix is reduced to ashes, a new one rises to begin its life on Earth. (Check out the video in the HP series, I forget which part.)

Well, you could attribute my choice to my meagre knowledge or to the fact that I heartily admire and adore Albus Dumbledore… Point remains, I find the phoenix exquisite and dazzling.

Ain’t gona give any further gyaan here… Go check it out for yourself if you found this teaser interesting.

Just gonna wind up with some pictures of cryptids.

Catch ya later!

- Princess

Choosing the Right Choice

Tony wanted to get her home painted. And she was in a quandary.

Shocking pink or dull grey?

A colour that would stun everyone and prove exciting or a colour that’s look mellow yet stay longer?

It was a tough choice.

What would be better – she wondered… Looking at an attractive shade that frustrated her by peeling at the edges?

Or being within the confines of an insipid hue that did not wear off years after it was painted?

Would the exhilaration of the shocking pink dim out in the following months?

Maybe the gray that seemed monotonous now would make her comfortable in the years to come…

Sometimes decisions about simple things weren’t as simple as they appeared.

Just like relationships.

Boys want girlfriends that are “shocking pink” but not many of them would end up marrying them. Conjugal bliss is better guaranteed with girls that are “dull grey”. Or at least that’s what popular opinion claims.

Girls… I’m really not sure. I’d like to believe that they desire a lifelong partner and accordingly choose a boyfriend/husband. However, given the twenty-first century, modernization and rising infidelity, I shall remain non-committal on this.

Reminds me of a peer that was facing the same question a few years ago. Her parents wanted her to get married and she could not make up her mind about whether she could trust her current boyfriend to remain committed and happy with her, or should she give in to her parents’ choice of a life partner. After all, arranged marriages are presumed to last longer, as compared to love marriages.

She watched her friends tying the knot one by one, some to their chosen lovers, others to partners that their families had chosen with care. While she had no complaints with her state of affairs and marital status, she could not resist feeling a little indignant and petulant when she checked out pictures and comments relating to her friends’ marital bliss. And her crankiness showed in a myriad ways. It was contagious, just like her enthusiasm and cheerfulness.

Hers was a convoluted situation. What else would you call circumstances when you see a perfectly eligible bachelor in a woman’s past, one that she could still call upon and get hitched, but decided against, because being with him was not wondrous as being with another procrastinating, blasé man that she thought was meant to be hers?

Sometimes decisions about simple things weren’t as simple as they appeared…

What happened then?

I don’t know…

But I do hope that whatever she decided has brought her happiness and contentment.

After all, god never sent us down here to be unhappy.

He cares… for me… for you… for each one of us…

And destiny has things in store for every one of us.

Unfortunately, we only know what’s meant to be in hindsight. If only we knew whether our lives had shades of pink or grey, we’d be able to plan and act accordingly.

On the other hand, it is because we don’t know that our lives have a tinge of adventure and variety.

So, what’s your call - shocking pink or dull grey?

Life’s colourful :-)

And confusing…

May the lord be with you!

I definitely am…

-Princess

Letter to the Bday Boy

Hi baby!

Happy birthday to you!! Muaaaaaahhh !!!

You’re a year old today… 12 months have truthfully and factually been 365 days long, yet they appeared never-ending and minuscule at different intervals. There were times when I could sense you growing by the hour, and then there were days when you just seemed to remain as you were… I’ve been thankful as well as amazed at both those occasions.

Now when I think of it, I’m soooo waiting for you to grow up.

That age where I can really start pampering you. Buying you chocolates and spoiling you. Giving you everything you want, and admonishing you when you do something nasty or gross.

You’re really sweet now, and god knows you’re a handsome bugger. You charm women even when you’re fast asleep, and people of all ages and genders find you irresistible. You also make your presence felt and your personality known, when you object at being ignored or being treated a certain way, and when you giggle uncontrollably coz someone’s acting barmy. You coo and crib now and then, and you make my heart weep and beam. Gosh, you’re such a bundle of joy and activity. You’re adorable, you charismatic fiend! My stubborn darling pixie!!

However, the real fun shall finally begin when you actually start talking.

Most of it will be crap, so I won’t get bugged, I promise. I shall answer all your million questions as best as I can – sometimes truthfully, sometimes I’ll give nutty answers just to amuse or trick you. It’ll be uber cool, I promise. We’ll be one sexy aunt-nephew, and I shall train you just the right way to fool people and woo girls.

Not that you really need any help there, you’re a pro at both already, aren’t you?

I still remember the day you were born. I was far away, in Pondicherry, on my solitary sabbatical.

In spirit, I was right there in the operation theatre with you, and you were in my prayers all the while.

When I actually saw you, the shadow of your moving hand assured me that you knew me…

You knew me!!

That single wave of your hand… and our eternal bond was established.

I couldn’t get enough of you. When you cried in the night, or scratched yourself tearing away your cute mittens, my heart bled.

When the doc kept asking for a hundred tests and reports, I wanted to murder the planet.

I felt so bitter towards the world for not leaving you alone; guests wanting to see you, people wanting to talk about you – they made me go insane with rage.

I love you… always will…

You’ve given us all sleepless nights, and you’ve also given us memories that will shine like beacons in our darkest times and make us smile. Amazing the kind of influence you have in our lives even before you start doing anything major!!

(Considering you are Bhai’s son, we’re all geared up and expecting the worst… Just informing you so you know you needn’t stop at anything – go your way dude, do what your mind bids. You pa shall take the blame; it’s his wicked traits that got transmitted to my poor sanctimonious angel!!)

I still recall how we named you Omansh – a name that took our community and society by awe coz it was so unique and so stylish. I would have loved to call you Omi… But then the stars dictated circumstances, and you became Bhoomik… Bhoomik Anand Rathi… Raising the BAR for us :-)

I can’t stop fantasizing about your cheeks and voice. You’re so delicate and delightful. Even if someone holds you tight, you go all pink. And yet, you rarely complain. You’re happy to be held as anybody wishes and you do not object to being passed from arm to arm. The only times when you show your worth and capability of being angry is when you’re not given your way… And lord, the way you scream and whine then!

However, I shall choose to ignore that. It’s only fair considering the cherub you are at most times -undemanding and patient. The way you behaved before and at your tonsure was marvellous. Simply unbelievable, as all onlookers claimed. You were so quiet and willing, that even the barber was stunned. Such a sweetheart, my baby, you… And so caring also. The way you love and accept everyone, even those that you have never seen before… Gosh, just a year old, and you’re my ideal already!

I love the way you love my dad - your grandpa - and he you. The connect between you two men is beyond me. I just see the beautiful way you cuddle in his arms and go to sleep as he diligently and uncomplainingly walks miles (inside the house, obscuring our view of the TV) just coz you like it that way.

Come to think of it, you are so comfy with your dad, too. The brute I’ve known 30 years melts in front of you before you can say “Da”. Damn, you’re a champ. Got the gift of the gab, haven’t you?!

The way Bhabhi tends to you is no joke, mister. You better be thankful she’s your mum, and never ever give her woe. You’ll have to deal with me if you do… Unless of course, you choose me over her… He he he!!!

Needless to say, you’ve captivated my other darling too. Mum goes all ga-ga over you, irrespective of the fact whether you’re somewhere in person or not. She cries and giggles at the mere thought of you, and is constantly fretting to be with you. Krishna himself would be jealous of the effect you have on people who know you!

So, you see, you’re mightily loved and deceitfully lucky. You better thank the one above for this.

As we thank him for having you in our lives…

I have to stay away from you at the moment, as does the rest of the family because you have to be in Mumbai for some appointments. The busy guy that you are…

This is to let you know that you’re missed like crazy, and never forgotten even for a minute…

And as we bring in your birthday together, we pray that you have a long, lovely, healthy and successful life.

We love you.

And I’ll always be there for you, my love.

Keep smiling!!

- Bua

Agony Aunt

Hi friends,

If you have come here for some fun and laughs, I would ask to be forgiven and excused. Today’s not your day. It belongs to someone who really needs me for something else.

This is for you, you.

Read well, and read with trust and acquiescence. You know I care for you.

You want to believe a million things, not one of them is true.

You have to accept that everything you thought was false, a pretty façade that came crashing down.

You’re lucky it did.

You’re fortunate it did when it did.

Any longer, and the consequences would have been even more grim and grave. Not that circumstances aren’t already bad and painful enough.

You weaved and conjured a utopia that promised to be beautiful if not exactly perfect. You so desperately wanted to suppose that things can always change for the better as people decide to change in love. Sweetie… that does not happen. How could you be so naïve?

I wonder what you were thinking. I wonder if you were even thinking. Love does funny things to people. But this was plain foolish. They’d warned you. They’d told you in ways subtle and unmistakable that you were making a blunder. However, cupid had blinded you. He usually does, the stupid bugger.

When you told me that he loved you (and you told me that everyday), I felt happy for you. I saw the way you were changing in order to be with him. It pleased me that you mellowed down, but it also scared me that you were in for trouble, placing all your hopes in that hopeless individual. For a moment, I also mulled over the possibility of him having turned over a new leaf. Then I recalled, this only happened in books and movies.

(Not even in them these days. Thank god for real cinema.)

It was all fake – those words, those assertions, assurances and confessions. He did not mean one bit of it. Just like he smoothly glides out of every challenge in his life, he lucidly fooled you by saying what you wanted to hear. After all, you did like him for his intelligence.

Did you not know that he was past help? What made you think you could impact him in a way that no one had before? His superficiality is so conspicuous, the way he bullshits himself and others is so evident. And yet, like a fool, you were charmed and taken in.

I don’t know what to marvel over – his easy victory, or your sanguine idiocy.

What beats me is that you expect he’ll walk over and set the ball in motion again! How daft can you be? Despite the way he ended it, you still harbour stupid fantasies... How dim-witted and ludicrous!! I see you wanting to be shown that you mattered, that you still mean something. This, from a person who did not tell you that you meant the world to him even when you were a part of his life?!!

You wish he misses you, you dream that he feels lonely and lost without you. He doesn’t. He isn’t capable of loving anyone but himself. As if you didn’t know that when you decided to take the plunge.

You’re a strong woman, smart and mature. Sensitive, yes. Let that not wreck your future. What’s done is done. It was bound to happen. As someone told me the other day, everyone knew it would – they were only waiting to see when…

Get a life, babes. Stop deluding and embarrassing yourself any further. This is THE END. In fact, you should be happy it didn’t last. You’ve been saved a lot of hurt and regret. Listening to excuses about being stressed, tired and unexpressive - aren't you bored of it? You need someone who isn't afraid or lazy to tell you that he loves you, that you're gorgeous and that he wants you forever.

Don’t for a moment think I’m saying this only to make you feel better (or worse). I’m only telling you the facts, trying to remove the wool you’ve pulled over your eyes. His gifts and letters remind you of him? Trash them. The presents you'd saved up to give him at an opportune ocassion? Bin them too. Don't waste your time and emotions anymore. Move on. He certainly has.

Old habits die hard, darling. And he was already too deep into his private hell to ever rise and see the bright heaven again. For lord's sake, he doesn't even know what it is... He’s going to lie low, and he won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of what he wants. Not even you. His idea of an ideal life revolves around himself, and the poor thing that he is, he isn’t even aware of what he’s missing. When he does (if he does), he’ll know your worth. Right now, he's busy playing his games, one that temporarily involved you as well.

In any case, you have promised me to get on and not give a second thought to this.

I know that pledge was a lie. One that you’ve broken several times over.

I don’t blame you. I know you were attached to him in spite of wanting to be at an emotional distance to protect yourself from annoyance and disappointment. It happens, and you ought to pardon yourself. You’re a wonderful person, someone who brings much joy and love to everyone and everything around. You cannot let a jerk like him kill the sparkle in you. He doesn’t deserve it. Save your heart and warmth for someone who truly loves you and needs you. Not a mean, self-centred and manipulative loser like him.

I know it’s going to be hard. It wasn’t meant to be simple anyway.

But I also know that you can if you try.

You have faith in god, you believe everything happens for a reason, and you trust that it occurs for the best. With all these in mind, I see no way for you but to accept what has happened and wait for the next scene to unfold. I am sure it's going to be way better than anything else in your past...

I want to see that bright smile back. I want to feel that verve and sunshine again.

Can you do this for someone who really cares for you?

I love you.

Please come back girl. I miss you.

- Princess