Monday, November 15

Order Placed... Or Maybe Not

I often get a very nostalgic and weird feeling when I’m travelling over long distances. While the plane or train zooms ahead, I can physically feel the distance separating me from the place and people I know. It’s like there’s no going back and there’s no one you can reach out to; you’re on your own.

I had a similar kind of feeling two days after my supervisor at work left for a sabbatical. Don’t ask me why… It was very spontaneous and unintended…

Miss you, Phil. (Though I know you’re not reading this.)

As a friend. (I refuse to not regard you that way despite your telling me to not treat colleagues as friends.)

Enjoy your sabbatical in Australia!

Time to move on to my topic of the day…

How would it be if you could choose your partner? As in order a custom-made spouse? Something like the way you assemble a laptop online at Dell with various features and parts…

I mean we all whine that our soul-mates have this shortcoming and that attitude and peculiar habits and annoying characteristics. But are you sure that if you could choose what you wanted and did not want in your partner, you’d be happy and never complain?

Well, think again.

I’m certain that it would not be a flawless process with a fool-proof outcome.

My reason(s) for saying this? Here you go…

One, I might say / want something (or the opposite of something) without really considering the details of the new aspect that appears desirable. For example, when I say I want my partner to be full of life and not monotonous or passive, I only mean that he should not be boring, not that he needs to be spirited and exciting at every moment day in day out. There’s only so long that you can remain in that animated state; you gotta come down in order to go back up again, else it becomes stress and nothing else.

You might find yourself bugged with your partner coz he / she is aggressive. How about if he / she was docile and dumb? Maybe he / she needs to be that way for a particular reason (like maybe pushing you towards your goal, or ensuring that things are right and systematic). Both of you would go downhill if there was no drive or ambition.

It’s just like they say… Be careful what you wish for… You might get it.

Do you really want your partner to be the exact opposite of what he / she is right now? If yes, and if you ever happen to meet a genie who can make that wish come true, you better have your terms and conditions and details communicated clearly, right down to the last letter and punctuation.

Something like… I want my partner to be cool and free when I want to meet my friends, and yet be 40% possessive about me just so that I can feel adored and special, yet not as much as to have him cancel and object to my meeting my guy friends, but I would surely enjoy having him ask me what we spoke about and what we ate, just so that I can see the envy and/or interest in his eyes... Get the drift?

So, think before you pray… Don’t drink and wish…

Do you really want your partner to be a certain way? Do you want him/her to be that way ALL the time? Do you REALLY get annoyed with what he/she does, or do you secretly enjoy it and want it to continue? Is the idiosyncrasy something you cannot live with? Think long. Think hard. Your answer could shock even you…

Next point - when I say I want someone who can make me feel a certain way (say beautiful, loved and pampered) - It needs to be genuine, not a façade. Anyone can see through something that’s put on, and that’s not really what one would desire, right? The concern, the wish to stay connected and the eagerness to love and want someone… if it’s not real, it worse than when absent.

So, I want that… but I also want it to be natural. If he/she just pretends to feel that way to please me, it won’t stay hidden for long, and it will make me feel like a jerk. More so, if he mentions that it’s not really him to do a particular thing, but he’ll bear with it coz I want it that way. Like he’s doing a favour. And you know how the deal is between me and favours. No deal. Thanks but no thanks.

Of course, stuff like wanting spouses to be reliable, loyal and truthful is non-negotiable. I’ve heard of adultery in relationships and I’ve heard of concepts like spouse-swapping in high class societies. However, for most middle class families, such behaviours are taboo, even the thought is revolting. We’re going to leave it at that… But honestly, if you want to be married, please be faithful to your other half, else end the relation. It’s not fair. You’re being unjust to your partner, to the kids, friends, families and other people in your life.

Anyway, I’m just digressing. Talking about made-to-order spouses… It wouldn’t be fun at all. There would be no surprises. For instance, I might think of my partner as extremely subtle with praise, thereby he has the opportunity to stun me with a lovely poem or love letter. If I knew for an unalterable fact that he was inexpressive without scope of being/doing the opposite, then there would be no fun times where I could be pleasantly surprised.

The best part about being a particular way is that you have a chance to be someone/something else. You have the freedom to change so that you can show someone how much you love him/her and how much you want that person to be happy and satisfied with you. It is the best way to show someone how much they and their presence in your life mean to you. And it’s no good just talking about changing and promising that you will. Forget the words and promises, just do it (as aptly said by Nike).

I’ve told a lot of people a lot of times, speech is a bucket-load of crap unless its’ backed by solid action. You may not say a word, but your actions (whether complimentary or contradictory) will demonstrate your true intentions and temperament. Focus on the deeds, chuck the statements. And ensure that your efforts are consistent. It’s no good screwing up ten times and saying sorry and you’re trying to change. Avoid these situations entirely. Let life be perfect. Read your partner. Know him/her inside out. Feel what he/she feels before they even say or show it. I bet you know that people remember one bad thing more/better than they remember 20 good things. Don’t give your partner a chance to feel that way.

It’s the least you can do if you call yourself (or want to be called) a soul-mate and lifelong partner…

Wish you luck!

- Princess

1 comment:

vishalbheeroo said...

Hey Anuja,
Interesting topic on the blog. Relationship is something much deeper,felt inside and a fair degree of honest is what makes relationship withstand rough weather over time. A real test.
Do agree that feelings carry more power than words.
Cheers
Vishal