Saturday, August 15

Ph.D. in Boy-o-logy

Boys, boys, boys... Ye pagal ladke!

Some bygone crazy song by an Indipop artist. Dunno why I remembered it. Or hold on, I think I DO know why I recall it...

I have been thinking of gender benders and how men and women differ from each other. While I already vented more than a few opinions and biases on Pyar Today Tomorrow (under the guise of giving you the movie review), I still have a couple of points left to talk about... And you know me, if I've to say it, it will be said. No matter what... Not too politically correct of me, but hell! Life's too short to keep being right and indisputable all the time!!

(Not that anyone ever challenges me and turns away irrefutably victorious!)

So, I was saying... I notice that most guys are reckless riders. No offence, by "reckless" I mean wild and hasty, but by no means lacking control. It astounds me when they take those fearsome "cuts" and emerge at the head of the traffic signal. The way they find their path amidst the biggest and scariest of vehicles as simply as if they were popping a mint into their mouths, that's so out of this world! And the most important feature, they can admire and praise people without any hitches. (Most ladies I know find it extremely hard to appreciate others, especially their own gender directly in front of them.)

So, you see, I do have my respect intact. As far as transportation is concerned, I'd ride/drive with a guy rather than with a female any day of my life... Yet I cannot turn a blind eye to some annoying (or cute, depending on what your mood is...) behaviors in "man"-kind. Till date I haven't been able to grasp why they need to rev up the engine and aceelerate more than is required. The urge to go from 0 to 80 in a single second takes its toll not only on the vehicle, but also the poor pillion person who's holding on for dear life!

I get terribly annoyed when this happens, and more so when they immediately brake to pause for a signal... WHY oh WHY can't they anticipate the speed and signal and cut the accelerator accordingly? I know boys better than to brake for indecent purposes all the time... So then, why?? Women, I must admit, are far better at this kinda riding. They zoom only as much as required and bring the vehicle to a halt without a bone-shaking jerk and a heart-freezing lurch.

The most bug-worthy event, by far, is their wholesome interest in any mishap that occurs on the road. They turn back more than a hundred times, a full 180 degrees, crane their necks and try not miss an inch of the action... All as they still continue to ride their motorcycles... In the bargain, if they dash into other vehicles (frequently one of their own clan, also aching to catch the accident in full detail), they grin sheepishly at the other rider, and still turn around to see what they overlooked... Uffff!!

And what's with filling only 20 or at the max 50Rs of fuel?? Only on the rarest occasion have I seen a guy doing a "tanki full". (I last caught a man doing that to his Unicorn about a month ago and I nearly flipped to see someone so generous and alien!) Granted that bikes give better average, but what's with guys and petrol stations? Why do they have to visit a fuel pump every single day?? Can't even say the pretty attendants are the magnet that draws them :-P

Hmmm... That's quite a bit about romanchik riding... Moving on to what guys like to do next best... Eat! Most guys I've seen (I should actually say ALL, can't remember any exceptions) are complete foodies with amazing tummy space. And they really pamper their hunger pangs... I mean I do know a few women who eat 27 hours a day, but more than half the men I know are dedicated breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner-snack-snack-breakfast people. I really appreciate that! Sincerity with diets and meals has never been my forte, and my mum can vouch for that... As can most of you :-D

What follows next is so obvious - their farts and/or burps. Ugghhhh... Feel like wringing their necks when they proudly demonstrate their expertise at these two activities, following it up with a "sorry" as if they're doing the world a favor!! I mean, how gross! Why can't they be decent and cultured like us women ;-)

Not to mention their obsession with bowel processes. They love potty discussions (especially when they're eating), and after the uploading is done, they invariably go hunting for the loo to initiate the download process... What a routine!! And then to rush to the washroom after a smoke or mug of hot tea... It's so predictable yet hilarious when I see a guy doing that...

Most guys (except those passionately in love) find the concept of "live and let live" extremely conducive to peace and happiness. They prefer the no-strings-attached kinda relations, not just with their girls, but also with their buddies. They don't expect to be in consistent contact with any pal, nor do they want anyone else to latch onto them and start demanding rights. So, you wana hang out with us? You're most welcome. You wana share my underwear? Go ahead! (OK, I know that was a lil too much! Just wanted to make a point.) But you want me to keep calling and meeting you every single day? Dude. let's just live our separate lives and not intrude... That's the guy-way... Quite systematic and convenient, I must exclaim!

Well, my reservoir of guy-gyaan will never dry up. High time I get a degree for my unending observations and hypotheses, right? Something like a Ph.D. in Boy-o-logy? I promise I wouldn't feel old by the "Doctor" title like SRK did with his recently awarded honor...

Anyone looking to host or sponsor an award?

I'm here :-)

Your truly!!

4 comments:

ani_aset said...

hey this was nicely done :)
you managed to pack your anger sweetly haan :P

Lonely Princess said...

RMAO... Its not really my anger, Ani... You could sure call it my amazement tho!! Its stunning how similar most men are... Whatever their age or geographical location!!

So, do you claim to be an exception (like every other male)??!!!

LOLzzz...
Thanks for visiting!

-Anuja

ani_aset said...

yes i do :)
i am yet to learn how to drive/ride :D

Lonely Princess said...

Well, won't be long before you join the riding bandwagon! And what about the rest of the post? There's more to guys than just vehicular psychology ;-)