Hard Knocks ... For an Easier Life

The world is an unfair place. And anyone expecting to be treated in a just manner is bullsh*tting.

Reminds me of two lovely thoughts that perfectly hit home: The situation - "It's unfair to expect the lion to not eat you coz you're vegetarian" and the solution - "You cannot cover the world with a carpet, so it's better to wear shoes."

Saying and knowing these thoughts in no way implies that I follow them. How unfortunate. I guess it's true when a friend told me that I might be intelligent when it comes to grades in school and achievements at work. When it comes to people and situations, I am too innocent to be deemed wise.

I mean, really, one is wont to think that being a good person is easy and others will be good to you coz you're good to them. Isn't that what we learnt in our growing up years? Our parents, teachers and prescribed books all recommended that as a way and truth of life. The smart kids realise this soon, and the stupid ones like me live in a la-la land where they forgive the injustice meted out to them and look forward optimistically to a bright and balanced future.

Why am I feeling so particularly positive today? Well, I've been dealing with severe crises all through school and at the workplace, and I thought someday it would change. All through school, I was used to hearing kids jeer at me and avoid me coz I wasn't as "pretty" as them, nor did I stay in the same locality plus I belonged to a different caste. Glasses made my life worse, and "kaali" and "chashmish" were terms that stuck to me. No wonder then that schooldays, which most grownups yearn for, were merrily bid adieu to, by me.

Find it hard to believe that casteism reveals its hideous fangs at such a tender age, eh? Well, ask those that are at the receiving end. You'd be stunned. Discrimination on the basis of color and language is more common in India itself than abroad. So, while we condemn and criticise foreigners as racist, we Indians are more guilty of this offence. Trust me, whatever crimes people in other countries do, we Indians do worse. We're better at being horrible than any other nationality. Coz we do it against our own community.

But anyway, back to the story. Books I read and people I met told me that you should be good, and it doesn't matter how other people treat you. You're your own judge. I trusted this philosophy. I still continue to. Told you I was stupid...

Day after day, week on week, I go out of my way to be nice to people and make their day despite how they behave with me. I always believed that what goes around comes around. Karma would bring back to me the goodness I infuse in others' lives, I wished. I conveniently forgot that Karma is a b*tch, and human beings are b*stards.

Everyday at work, I meet some extremely obnoxious people with pretty faces and ugly hearts. They hurt me, and they don't care. I would not mind it as much if I deserved to be treated that way. But, I don't. And surprisingly, they know that and yet continue to be as*holes. Surprisingly again, I still get insulted and hurt. Stupid people just don't learn.

We're taught to be winners, and we're told to do the best we can. Does this bring laurels? Maybe, sometimes. But it never misses bringing jealousy and hatred. The irony of life...

I got great marks in school and ended up being disliked for it. My teachers adored me, and I paid the price for it by bearing the brunt of my classmates' envy. Even at work, being praised verbally and appreciated publicly won me more glares than claps. So much so, that the wicked crowd went out of their way to applaud each other for trivial victories and didn't even acknowledge my grand triumphs.

Did it bother me? Of course it did. It still does. And I wish it wouldn't. I try to not be impacted. But that control is beyond me. I fail. Of all the things that I am good at, I suck at this. Every person matters to me. Everybody's opinion affects me. I try to be good to everyone and be there for whoever needs me. Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. I also want the other person to be good to me. Atleast not ignore me.

What do you get out of hurting someone that is forever good to you?

Don't tell me, I shan't understand...

But maybe I shall try to ignore those that wipe the smile from my lips. After all, they did not give it to me in the first place.

The wonderful folks that do, I shall be doing injustice to them if I let the no-gooders succeed in bringing tears to my eyes.

New Year Resolution?

Sounds good to me... Just wish I would achieve it...

You be good. It's easier than being malicious. Also saves someone from unnecessary sorrow.

Whether he deserves it or not, you do not have the authority to decide. And if you can't make someone's life better then don't make it worse.

- Princess