Of Hearts and Hurts

“You think we should start thinking about the next step? Do you think it’s time we got introduced to each other’s families? Maybe we should talk about our goals in the near future…”

Gina was in a daze. Was she really hearing all this?

Qabir was her idea of a terrific guy, flaws and all. She had fallen for him a few days after they’d first met, and she had dreamt of their lives together a few weeks later. She felt so right about this, she knew there was no going back. It was meant to be. She and Qabir were destined to be man and wife. All that jazz about pairs being made in heaven was true, and she’d found her soulmate.

In six months, Gina had imagined their entire story as a happy, married couple.

Until Qabir had walked out of her life a couple of months later.

Gina was shocked.

Lost. Helpless. Lonely.

She had recovered from her pain with tremendous effort, and learnt to get over her sorrow amidst the love and support of friends. She let go of her shattered dreams as she immersed herself in work and other activities.

It was tough, complicated all the more by the fact that Qabir was often only a stone’s throw away – they lived close by, and even worked in the same office.

But Gina kept a firm leash on her heart, and promised her friends a million times that she would be cold to him, and show that she was unaffected.

Little did she know that this detachment was precisely what hurt him and goaded him to return to her…

He said that it was a sign when he felt her absence in his life. The emptiness she had left behind, the void that never went away since she’d gone, told him in not so subtle ways that she was his destiny. He wanted her. He had to have her back.

But what about her?

Was she ready to take him back again?

To accept the harsh truth that he’d walked away once, and was wishing to return into her life?

How could she find out for certain if he meant to stay this time?

Could she feel the exact same way for him again?

Did he really deserve to be given another chance after all that had occurred between them?

She did not know.

It was amusing that the question of fidelity and honesty never arose. Both of them were eager (and maybe imprudent) to believe that the other had been loyal even while they were not dating.

Weird are the ways of the heart…

Gina stared at him blankly.

Qabir looked on, a little bewildered by her silence.

“… Or you can tell me now, if you’re already seeing someone else, or have other plans in mind…” he continued. As if it did not really perturb or unsettle him.

Why did it happen this way? When you’re running behind something / someone, that entity moves farther away from you. What you want desperately tends to recede faster than words can say.

And when you accept fate, and mould your actions and ambitions in a way that you are safe and stress-free, life comes up with a whole range of perplexing options and possibilities.

Giving you a glimpse of what can be, a glimmer of hope about something that you’ve long given up…

Why?

Qabir held Gina’s hand. He loved her. Or so Gina felt.

She considered herself a dimwit to be so vulnerable and gullible. She truly deserved to be taken advantage of.

Maybe that’s why Qabir was doing it… Coz it was so easy…

Gina felt like a toy in Qabir’s hands. A doll that he could cuddle when he wished, tampered when he wanted and forget when he desired.

She wondered if he was coming back to her in despair. Not that he was short of opportunities. But well, she was certainly one of the best decisions he’d ever made. He’d himself admitted it so many times.

Gina suddenly felt uncomfortable. Like she needed to get awaqy from Qabir to think straight.

She excused herself, Qabir peering at her as she made her way to the washroom.

Once inside, Gina splashed cool water on her face and wiped it with a tissue.

She looked into the mirror, at the pretty girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and her intentions on her face. She could not fool her own reflection, forget anyone else. She knew what she had to do. She walked out.

“Are you all right?” asked Qabir.

Gina nodded.

“Q-Q-Q-Q-Qabir…” Gina stuttered.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“All the while you were away, my friends helped me live through my agony. I owe them my confidence and strength today. And here you come, all apologetic and full of promises. And I find myself falling for it all again. I don’t know what I should do. My head and heart refuse to stay on the same side. And I know I ought to be insane to trust you again…”

Qabir lowered his eyes.

He could not gaze into Gina’s hazel grey eyes as she turned down his proposal. Rejected him for being a callous jerk. It was too late, he wanted to kick himself, turn back time and set things right when he still had that chance… when he still had her, emotionally and physically, body and soul.

“… and in fact, I’d vowed that I’d keep away from you…”

It was all over. He’d goofed up. Beyond repair or hope. His life would never be the same without Gina…

“But I love you.”

Qabir looked up expectantly. The voices in his head went silent.

“Yes, I love you”, Gina continued. “Maybe not in the same way that I used to, I don’t even know if I can do that again. But I do want to see where this will take us…”

Qabir hugged her in delight. He did not believe in God, but maybe there was someone out there who was giving him another chance…

Gina hadn’t given up on him. He would never disappoint her again.

Gina closed her eyes as she felt Qabir’s arms around her. She saw the faces of everyone that would be astounded, and angry with her for making this decision.

But sometimes, you have to follow your heart, knowing fully well that it would hurt those that care for you.

She was going to give destiny that chance.

That Qabir was a part of her destiny, she’d let destiny decide…

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Thanks Harish, and all you lovely readers!

Keep watching this space :)