A Test Paper For You, God

Given ample examinations in my life till date…

Been through several tests all through school, college and life…

Asked several people multiple questions, and answered more than my fair share of queries…

How about a question paper for you, God…?

How about you giving us some much needed responses to doubts that seem frustrating and confusing?

It’s only reasonable, considering it is we humans who have to live our life amidst so many, never-ending challenges and dilemmas.

Of course, I am aware that God frequently speaks in the voices of us human beings, and so… readers, your thoughts are most welcome…

Here we go!

“Catch 22” is the title of the assessment, and it doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that it has 22 questions.

(Pls note: All questions are compulsory, and there is no word limit as long as your answer remains relevant, understandable and un-hypothetical.)

(Also pls note: I ain’t an atheist or cynic. But I ain’t got blind faith either. Do bear this in mind before giving me religious gyaan about devotion and piety…)

Why does it happen that you don’t always love the people that love you?
Or the reverse?

Why does it happen that despite the best of intentions and plans, relationships fail or erode?
Is ego really that mighty?

Why does suffering appear endless and joy momentary?
Is pleasure really short-lived than sorrow?

Why does the soul yearn for those that have brought misery?
Why do we miss the heartache when life is peacefully merry?

Why do some people not share what they have in their minds and hearts?
Do they not know its power in un-complicating crises of any kind?

Why do some people gain pleasure out of hurting and using others?
Did they not learn goodness at home and school?

Why is it that good does not always happen to those that are good?
“All in good time” isn’t really consoling or comforting …

When do you know that enough is enough?
That it’s time to give up and nothing more can be done…

When can you figure out someone’s love or hate?
When is it final that a person’s attitude towards you (or something/someone else) will never change?

When can you speak up for what’s right and what’s not?
When’s a good time to hold your tongue, and the right time to be outspoken and brave?

When is a last chance really supposed to be the last and final one?
To realise that there is no hope, no better future in store…

When is it too late to try for something or someone?
To know that destiny has driven you apart for good…

How can some people read minds and know what’s in your soul?
How can we make these people stay?

How can the ones with so much hurt spread so much love and happiness?
Smile through their pain, and bring cheer to others less unfortunate than them…

How do the tears arrive when you think you’ve depleted all?
You believe you’ve none left, and they stream incessantly …

How justified is trust in a person who has shattered your confidence before?
Do people really not change ever? Or keep changing so often that you never know which one’s true?

How justified is not keeping your word in unforeseen, dubious situations?
You hurt one to make the other happy, is that evil?

Where can we find the people that always care and wish the best?
Why are they so few?

Where is the paradise therein trust and supportiveness abound?
How can you say when you need to let yourself go and when you need to beware?

Are the head and heart permitted to be at loggerheads with each other?
Who do you obey and who do you ignore?

Is it practical and wise to stop wishing after being disappointed on numerous occasions?
Dreaming on would be stupid, right?

Is it possible to find answers to all the above uncertainties in one lifetime?
Or is life a big puzzle where the final goodbye comes with the wisdom that life isn’t about solutions…?

Need a supplement?!! ;-)
Knock yourself out…

- Princess

You, Me and Stress (Part 3)

This article takes the last one a step further. Three excerpts that stem out of and connect with our last two thoughts about men not being Hollywood heroes and routine dulling the sheen of a relationship. Missed it? Click here to read…

Today’s gems:

Excerpt 1 - A woman should not expect her partner to fulfil all her needs. She needs to build a support system of friends and family that she can talk to and hang out with. Her partner cannot be there all the time for her, and she cannot depend on him all the time for her emotional needs.

Excerpt 2 - Lucky is the woman who is able to appreciate what a man can offer, she continues to get more and more. Lucky is the man who is able to meet his own needs and then respond to a woman’s need for help around the house, good communication and regular romance coz he comes home to a happy woman.

Excerpt 3 - Men are attracted to women who can appreciate and trust them, and forgive them for forgetting. Each time she complains, demands, gets upset or doesn’t ask for help, she is passing on the message that he is a failure. She, thus, pushes his support away. He becomes exhausted in her presence. She is rejecting his love when she focuses on what she is NOT getting.

Hummm hummmm hummmmmmm…

I don’t know what to say. The points above say it all.

But what I have in my head right now are flashing images of the times when I have dealt with crisis and stress coz I was not open to the lessons above.

I expected the person (friend/partner) to fix it all and take complete onus of me and my life. I was asking for more and more, and I might have missed chances to appreciate what I was already getting. It’s like “haan ye toh sab theek hai, par uska kya hua?” Focussing on what is absent. Looking at what is not being done or said. Bad bad bad. But true nevertheless.

Taking this forward…

- We are often too busy to see what is obvious. A man will give his heart and soul to provide for his family and return home too tired to even talk with them. A woman will give and give to support her husband and children and then resent them for not giving back. Too exhausted to resolve relationship issues, we think our partners are too demanding or too different to understand.

- Women expect men to react and behave the way women do, and men continue to misunderstand what women really need. Women today return from work and wish that a loving and supportive wife was waiting for them. Men, who have seen their fathers being welcomed by their mothers, also expect the same from their wives. Both need to adjust their expectations. Women have to stop creating unrealistic expectations and men to need to stop clinging to their old beliefs.

- Instead of thinking “what’s wrong with my partner?”, you need to ponder what’s wrong with the way you are approaching him/her. Understand natural differences in coping with stress and how things affect each other. Instead of thinking that your partner is purposely being inconsiderate, believe that he is clueless but means well. Always remember this golden rule - You have the power to bring out the best in your partner.

Now I know some of this might appear as gyaan, and entirely hypothetical and impractical. But guys, have we really given it a shot? If we don’t stop persevering in other areas of life, if we don’t give up on out ambitions and professions, then how the hell is it justified to let go of a relationship that could blossom just because you stumbled a few times?

Watched the Hollywood movie “Ugly Truth”? It’s an entertaining film, great acting, terrific storyline and actors that you could gawk at forever, namely.

The movie is about a guy who hosts a very popular TV show by the same name as the movie. The theme is based on how men don’t care and those that appear to do are pretending. So, men basically fool women into believing different things, and women can manipulate men to achieve what they wish. It’s a rom-com (romantic comedy) and a good Sunday afternoon watch.

Personally, I’ve had trouble accepting that men never change or progress or grow. They are what they are so there is no point in trying to change them – you’re wasting your own time. There might be temporary changes, but that is exactly what they are: temporary. And when the man snaps back into normalcy, you’re in for a shock. Instead, let them be what they are, and decide whether their being what they are is ok with you… Simple?!! Extremely effective, believe you me.

That’s it for now…

Ciao!
Princess

The Dolce of my Vita

Very rarely do you come across individuals that you love everything about.

And it is rarer still, when they like you back and you go on to nurture a relationship that goes beyond the regular tag of friendship.

It stems out of a great deal of empathy and understanding, and yet stops shy of what is called love.

Or maybe it’s more supreme than romantic love, and hence, stronger, lasts longer.

This guy that I know is one of the most splendid men I’ve met in my life.

He’s younger to me, slightly shorter, different caste, and has a girlfriend that he’s crazy about. Let me get that aspect of the tale out of the way before you start cultivating any assumptions and stories.

(Bah… Corrupt, one-track minds! Leme repeat the cliché “kya ek ladka ladki sirf dost nahi ho sakte?”)

However, I’m definitely not saying that I’d be averse to dating someone like him.

He’s dreamy, not because he’s sexy or rich. But because he goes out of his way to make people feel special, and never hurts anyone intentionally.

Intelligence, patience, humour, wit and care – he’s got it all.

He never fails to impress me with his maturity and presence of mind.

Let me recall the exact words I said to him the other day… “Your dad is too old for me, waiting for your kid won’t be very sensible given my age, and you don’t have a brother. Say, when are you dumping your girlfriend? I’d like to have a boyfriend like you…”

And we burst out laughing.

I’ve never met another person like him. So genuine, upfront, trustworthy, wise and accommodating.

I can laugh with him. I’ve cried with him. I’ve got angry with him, and expressed my frustration over people and situations to him.

He (and I don’t know how, for crying out loud) manages to respond appropriately 99% of the times.

(The one time that I recall he fu**ed up, I gave him a dirty look, said that he was being a jerk, and he corrected himself and apologized. I forgave him. He deserves all the love and affection in the world.)

I shan’t dig into his history or psyche to figure out why he’s the way he is, or how he is so uniquely awesome in his ways.

I’m just going to appreciate him for it, and advocate him as an ideal friend / boyfriend / husband to have. I think his girl’s tremendously lucky, and though she acknowledges it, I doubt if she truly comprehends that fact…

(I knew another eligible bachelor once; they’re super tough to come by, and I consider myself fortunate to have met two of them in a lifetime. I’m hoping the third one arrives soon, and I announce myself engaged to him. Amen!)

Time flies with him, we can talk about anything for hours, and giggle over nothing. PJs become immensely interesting and funny when he’s around, and I know I can be myself without bothering about him misjudging or criticising me. Counselling and confession sessions abound when we’re together, and neither of us gets bored of listening to each others’ endless autobiographies. We are a team when it comes to taking other folks’ cases, and no one can beat us at taking each other’s case either.

I can’t remember one thing he’s refused me, and I don’t think I’ll ever wait for him to seek help, support or advice from me. It’s just natural, our being concerned for each other, and relying on each other. I know I can call him at any time, day or night, and he’ll be there for me.

When did we meet? About a year ago.

When did we become friends? Hardly 6 months ago.

When did we know that our bond was not frivolous or formal?
We feel it each moment.

Though there are weeks where we don’t call each other or hang out.
Days when I don’t even say hi to him because one of us is super busy.
Hours in which we only wave when our eyes meet, but don’t connect or chat.

But all that doesn’t matter. Coz the hearts are continuously united. Linked by the knowledge that there is a person within some proximity who knows me inside out, understand and believes me and will take care of me, against the entire world.

He may not be the most powerful individual on the planet. He may not be the most perfect either.

Yet, he possesses my faith, and goodwill.

Says who?

The warmth in my heart when I think of him, see or talk to him.

God bless you, Dolce.

And may you always be happy.

Sincerely, and forever, I shall remain,
Your buddy (and partner in crime)
(Unless the prank’s on you…!)

Princess :-)

Distress ... or Not

Hello...


Quite a few of you have asked for an update on my eye surgery... about whether its finally happening or I've abandoned the idea for good...


Let me tell you what happened after that fateful, distressful Saturday.

I sulked all day, cut myself off from community and decided to get a good weep. Obviously people came forth with sympathy, support and goodwill. Didn't work. Had already warned them that it was futile. They came anyway. YOU came anyway. Thanks, appreciate the thought and effort. But was still low. Still morose. Still upset with God.


Sunday was quite a nice day, in the sense that I gave no thought to what was past, and had heaps of fun with an unexpected visitor that I don't know if I truly love or dearly detest. Maybe I do both.

We watched Delhi Belly and had dinner at a Chinese joint called Shee (yes, its "Shee", no typo there) in Kubera Park, Wanowrie. The movie was grossly delightful, hilarious and paisa vasool. The dinner was terrible, and further made horrid by the fact that we had a brawl that cleared up later.


(Not gonna give you a review on DB, as most people have already seen it, some more than 2 or 3 times. While I won't say that it's really that appealing, it sure is worth going once. Be open to the fact that youth these days do speak with a lot abuses and slang. I've heard the Hindi version is more yuck than the Hinglish one, not surprising as swear words sound more passionate in Hindi than any firang language. Might go for the Hindi one sometime...)


Yep, so... I decided to check with another doc about my laser, and he was ready to operate on me the very same week. I was drunk with elation, and went for all the basic and advanced tests that he wanted. Only to be told after 4 hours, in the final minute before the surgery time was to be fixed, that the first doc had screwed my right eye flap partially and so the laser had to be postponed 3 weeks until it healed.

Mr. Ambarish Darak, this is for you...
(The rest, pls pardon my language)

DARAK, YOU SICK BUGGER, YOU SUCK!!

Not only are you an inhuman jerk incapable of empathetically handling your clients, but also an unprofessional pimp who did not even bother to examine my eye to see if everything was ok after the equipment conked a few seconds post my surgery was initiated. I was merely prescribed a few drops, no extra precautions, and told that I would be informed about the next possible date for surgery once the machine was repaired. That too, after cancelling/postponing my lasik twice 2 months ago...

Dr. Rahul - I know you were helpless, being an assistant to the disgusting Darak, but at least you could have fulfilled your professional obligation by calling me for a check-up to see if all was well with my eye.

You guys just turned me away and forgot all about me!! On hindsight, I see that you yourself must have been shitting bricks coz of my extreme mental and physical reaction, but this was no way to handle a customer. I can't remember one apology or kind word said to me in my stressful moment...

Guess who's never coming back and never giving you guys a positive referral... Zyvision is on my block list... and my black list.

Shan't forgive you, guys!

Anyway, thanks to Dr. Jeevan Ladi for testing me and refusing to treat me before my flap got back in place. And thanks is also in order for Dr. Salil Gadkari, a thorough gentleman, who guided me to the right doc - Dr. Ladi, the best one in Pune with superior knowledge and equipment, and also a hint of humanity and professionalism, that was visible even in the brief meeting that we had.


For now, I'm too disheartened to go back for the laser. I've called it off till Novemeber. Let's cross the bridge when we come to it.


To liven up my life and raise my spirits, I gave myself a mini-makeover.
Hair color!
Red :-D

Yeah!! Pretty, bold, magenta red streaks that make me smile and the world gloat...

Funky eye frame in queue, followed by my birthday shopping - jeans, footwear, and accessories!!

And now I can delay the moment no further...
What's gotta be done, ought to be done...

Sorry, Lord, that I mistrusted and blamed you for my troubles and failures. You always protected by me even when I was doing something that would make my life worse. You denied the curse that I was wanting, and you accepted my subsequent anger and hate for no fault of yours. I am extremely apologetic and embarrassed. But I know you love me, and you don't mind. I called you names, and criticised your judgement, powers and fairness. And yet, you did not give up on me. You continued to stand by, no matter how I behaved...

You're awesome, dude!! Love you.

Guess who's blessed and tends to forget it...


Your truly :-)


G'day!
Princess

Deadly Distress

When disappointment strikes, nothing, and I mean NOTHING – no person, no words, no material can fix it and makes things better.

It’s inadequate and silly to repeat the cliché’s that it’ll all be fine and nothing lasts forever, and happened for a reason, and better things in store.

Doesn’t work. Doesn’t give any solace or joy.

Can’t take away the sorrow, frustration and desperation.

It really makes no sense to be told to not give up hope, to keep trying and be strong, and to realise that other people have greater and more serious problems…

All the logic and optimism is fine, but it does NOT help in any way when a person is feeling truly in the dumps.

While it is appreciable on the part of people to participate in the grief, sometimes distance from all things living (or at least all things talking!) is the only way to be.

Like, for example, when somebody close expires. And you want to be alone. And you want to cry. Or maybe NOT cry because you’re in some other dimension, reliving memories and thinking about life and the transience of relationships and the like. And people around you expect you to be a certain way and respond to their expressions of sympathy.

It’s sooooooo NOT happening!

I’m a strong person, and trust me when I say that I usually have a fairly positive approach towards life. In fact, people overestimate my strength, perseverance and determination… much to my chagrin…

But there are times when I am weak; I’m human after all! It’s ridiculous when in my hard times, I’ve to keep my emotions on the back-burner, to be there and console someone who’s feeling bad for me!

Where’s all this stemming from? I’ll tell you… Not that it’s a secret anyway. I’ve just not mentioned this on my blog in a really long time.

I don’t recall if you recall I told you about my planned eye laser surgery. I’ve had glasses for well over 15 years, and you can never realise what it means unless you are bespectacled yourself. You might think “oh what’s the big deal, so what if you have specs, it’s all right” and blah. But you’ll never comprehend how upsetting it is to keep looking for your glasses like a blind man, or to squint in agony when you can’t recognize something or someone from afar…

The point being, I was really excited about my lasik (that’s what the laser eye operation to set your eyesight right is called) and my anticipation only multiplied when it got canned thrice. Once coz the doc was travelling, the second time when the doc was unavailable for I forget what reason, the third time when my mum’s astrologer forecasted that it wasn’t a good time for me to get operated. (Some saade-sati crap… I’ve been under saade-sati all my life, methinks… humphhh.)

So twice in March and once in June my hopes came crashing down. I vowed to go ahead with the procedure come what may in July this year. The date was set for the 2^nd, and there was not one miss in my preparation. I thought of the tiniest details and made sure that nothing was forgotten or ignored. Being a systematic and organized person, it’s the easiest thing for me to be “ready” for something. And something as BIG as this, woah… You’re kidding me if you say I should have done better!

The day dawned. I didn’t sleep too well, obviously, given the ecstasy and eagerness. My parents accompanied me to the clinic (Dr. Ambarish Darak’s Zyvision, off F C Road), and I merrily checked in for the pre-op rituals. I signed the declaration with a flourish, and was cracking jokes putting the other laser candidates at ease in the resting aka recovery room.

Three… no less than three patients got operated before me, and walked out with dark glasses, describing at great length what had happened in the OT and how well they could see now. I celebrated their joy and congratulated them on their triumph against myopia, hypermetropia and astigmatism. Perched on the edge of my seat, I was waiting to jump as soon as my name was called out for the surgery.

I scrambled out of my seat in a jiffy with a murmured “whoopee” and walked towards the operation theatre, entered the room like a jubilant child, lay down on the bed after cheekily smiling at the doctor, and shivered with an expected last minute gush of uncertainty and fear.

The doc and staff had no clue how long I’d waited for this surgery, how desperately I desired the outcome of this operation… Nor did they know how afraid I was feeling, now that this moment was finally within reach…

Within reach… And yet so far…

I was a nervous wreck and literally got cold feet when the machine started whirring on top of me. I could see 4 red and one green light, rolling like wheels on top of me. The ones that they show in Final Destination, Transformers and other sci-fi movies. I couldn’t keep my eyes wide and focussed, and the doc chided me for not cooperating. I tried to think of Ganapati Bappa, the god who removes all obstacles and gives strength and success.

Various drops were being put into my eye to make the procedure as painless as it’s advertised to be. I felt something like tweezers or pincers placed on top of my eye to keep me from blinking, and for a moment everything went blank.

I could see nothing. But I heard the doc say, his voice echoing like we were in a cave, “Anuja, there is some problem with the equipment. Pls get up”.

I blinked, baffled, unable to make sense of what was happening. I continued to lie down, hoping things would get underway in an instant.

The surgeon repeated, “Anuja, get up”. This time he sounded annoyed. I got up, and stood there, too numb to think, too mystified to be annoyed.

“Something is wrong with the machine. The pressure is not right. We can’t operate just now.”

I said ok, and that I would wait till the problem was sorted out. The attendant guided me to the waiting room, and I refused saying that others would ask questions and I was too embarrassed to face them so could I wait somewhere else.

He took me to another room and I started reciting the Ram Raksha and Hanuman Chalisa, wondering why things were going wrong, and that God would fix them if I remembered him in despair again at the eleventh-hour.

Seems like god had other plans in store. The doc walked in saying “The machine isn’t working, there is something wrong with it. Your operation won’t happen today.”

And that was it. I lost consciousness.

I had no recollection of when I collapsed and the doc and 2 other people had to lead me to the sofa in the adjoining room. I broke into a clammy sweat, and my clothes were damp. My vision was blurred, I could not feel my body and limbs.

My mum screeched in anxiety, asking the doc what he had given me and what was happening to me. I couldn’t even call her, though I desperately wanted her beside me so I could hug her and cry…

Why was I the chosen one to be unlucky? Why was god denying me the beauty of life seen eye to eye without the aid of artificial eyes? Why despite my trying so hard and getting up despite being knocked down time and again by fate was I unable to get rid of my glasses?

Why Why Why?

God isn’t known to answer questions. At least not immediately. May be not even directly or explicitly.

I was defeated. I was under the machine, and it had given up on me. What more was left to say and think?

I wasn’t embarrassed that people would make fun of my defeat; I was ashamed because they all had prayed and rejoiced for me. I could not face them.

I spent the day in agony, all alone. Cut off from the world. Partly voluntarily. And partly, grudgingly.

It’s true; at the moment when you need someone the most, everyone deserts you. Your family, friends, well-wishers. No one is around when you need them the most. You were born alone and you die alone, and the most crucial times of your life are lived alone.

And I know God is always by your side. But sometimes, just his being there isn’t enough.

Sometimes, his protecting you isn’t enough.

Sometimes, it is only the achievement and fulfilment of a wish that matters.

Everything else is a compromise. A failure.

Distress.

I’m not as strong as you think…
I’m not as strong as I’d like you to believe…

- Princess

You, Me and Stress (Part 2)

For those needing introduction on this series revolving around Why Mars and Venus Collide by John Gray, pls click here:

The others, let’s dive straight into the discussion…

Excerpt - People are more tolerant and positive at the beginning of a relationship. After sometime, routine sets in and men focus on work and other activities to stimulate themselves. Women feel their expectations will not be met, so they lose optimism, hope and trust in the relation. She tries to bring the magic back, but when her efforts are not reciprocated, she loses her glow and motivation. His detachment and her increased attention to their loss of connection builds tension in the relation and they drift further apart.

I bet many of us have been through this phase, the time when a partner (usually the woman) says “nothing’s like it used to be, things were so much merrier and better, and now, the magic is gone…”


It’s nothing but the dullness of routine. Once the partners have been wooed and introduced to each other’s personalities and preferences, it’s BAU (Business As Usual) and the spark goes away. As the movie “Saathiya” accurately portrays: the woman wants a hug and the man says people are watching, the woman complains that he doesn’t charm her and consider her important as he used to, and he states that they’re past the dating stage and there are other more significant things to do as they’re now man and wife and responsible for each other…

Why talk about Bollywood illustrations, this is something all of us have seen and felt. In a new relation, be it a friend or lover, we’re so accommodating. We’re still getting to know the person so most things he or she does are taken with respectful patience and maybe curiosity about the individual and his lifestyle or coping techniques. But as time passes, you think you know it all, and you start predicting a person and becoming irritable and uncomfortable with almost everything that is typical of him or her.


Thankfully for men, they can ignore a woman and live without cribbing too much. A woman isn’t capable of this. Most women will be very verbose and expressive about the fact that something is irking them. When they complain, they are expecting the man to understand how they feel and what they expect. But a man can’t do that. He takes it as nagging, going by the words and gestures used by the woman. If only the men would catch the subtle signals and the underlying message, then women will feel their concern and love, and watch how the conversation and their relation turns around.

Another glaring evidence is that earlier the man loves spending all his time with the woman. He snatches time out for her whenever possible and cancels all other appointments to be with her on critical occasions or to make the simple occasions memorable. However, with time, most things related to the woman become trivial, and the man finds it “necessary” to “oblige” others with his company and attention. Notice the increase in “guy time” after the relation gets a little stale? Women think about the previous times when they were number one priority and fume inside as the guy calmly gets ready to go and party the night away with the gang, unaware how restless his wife is with this plan. She’d rather have him stay and re-create their old magic together.


So many articles, magazines and counselling avenues talk about how to keep the partner interested through sex, conversation, adventure and quality time. Very few of them say that both the partners need to be ready to accept that things will never be “perfect”. There will be angry moments and frustrating occasions, and one can do little but give their partner space and unconditional empathy and thoughtful compassion (for lack of a better term).

You need to stimulate each other and keep the relation alive. Difficult, maybe. But nothing that you haven’t done before. Just because you’ve got used to each other does not mean you stop appreciating each other’s personalities and presence in your life. If you really want the partner to be with you forever (and happily together), then it’s worth the effort. Once your mind is made up, it’s not an effort anymore. It just happens naturally. And brings the passion back in both your lives. After all, isn’t it better to enjoy old wine in the comfort of your favourite armchair at home than to run to the supermarket to buy a tiny pint of flat beer?

(Okay, I’m not really talking about alcohol preferences, I’m just trying to make a point here about how the old and permanent is better than the new and transient.)

Give it a shot yaa. There’s nothing worse than seeing a lovely and mature relationship hit the rocks and disintegrate because of lack of understanding, patience and ardour. Call me biased, but I know women will always try their best to make a relation work and continue, if they see it as worthwhile. A man will just hang around and wait, too lazy to take any action to either make it or break it. So, if you see the girl trying, be fair and help her keep the relation alive and ticking.

I’ve been through this. Several times. Losing a friend coz the problems seem unassailable and the partner too adamant to change. I agree it’s not about changing your partner but learning to live with him/her. But it is also a concern when your partner does not find it meaningful to do (or not do) a few things to convenience or please (or not upset) you. Then there’s a need for serious discussion and deliberation…

Enough deliberation there, here’s the next snippet: A true gem from Mr. Gray… Very relevant, and very very essential…

- Men are not equipped to be the domestic/communicative/romantic partners women fantasize about. Sometimes, men attempt to fulfil that fantasy, he may try for years, but eventually, he gives up. A man may suddenly lose interest and not even know why. He finds himself unable to fulfil his partner’s expectations, and both get frustrated and disappointed. The clue is: a woman should have a realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfils her every wish. She should not take for granted the things her partner does for her.

I think our movies are to blame for this delusion among women. We see all the handsome, successful, caring, charming, perfect men on screen and start believing that our “prince” will arrive. Doesn’t happen.

By the time this bubble bursts, a woman completely loses her chirpiness and ability to feel love. Things become transactional, and a woman starts grousing. The more mature and independent she gets, the more expectations she has from her partner. I guess this is why most Indians get their daughters married at young ages. This ensures that they do not have any rigid dreams and desires, and are still open to tackle whatever challenges life throws their way. Sane idea.

As someone told me once, don’t look for things you want in a guy. Instead, look for things you DON’T want. This will give you a better chance at finding a suitable partner for life. Sane advice. (Thanks, Anu!)

And be ready to not be satisfied 100% by your partner. Think of it this way, he or she wasn’t sent on earth to make you happy. He’s got other things to do. That is obviously no excuse for you both to ignore and take each other for granted. But then, don’t cultivate grandiose and false hopes either. Have a mature and understanding relation where expectations and challenges in meeting them are out in the open and you trust your partner and his/her good intentions. Appreciate what is, and hope for what is not, but don’t get depressed envisaging your partner as Mr. Superman or Superwoman who can read your mind and do what your heart wants.

Wow… quite some insights there, huh?

Enough for today. See ya later, alligator!

Cheerio and good luck with the spouse!
Princess