Ignorance ain't Bliss
Or for that matter when that person is out of sight.
"Dekh ke andekha karna" - now that is one of my weak points, or shall I say "Areas of Opportunity" in corporate lingo.
Doesn't seem so for folks around me though...
The people that co-habit a certain space with me fall in 3 categories: one, people that I am extremely comfortable and spontaneous with; two, people that know formally and adhere to limits with; and three, people that I don't really know and thus, don't often interact with.
Of late, however, I have sensed the existence of another category: the one where people from the first category go after things go awry between us, in major or silly ways.
I am, by nature, a very gregarious person. I like to be friends with everyone and I like to be on good terms with all. I feel extremely uncomfortable when I have to give or am given the cold shoulder by someone. The amount of stress I experience at such times is absolultely unbearable. And the worst part is, it does not seem to affect the other person one bit.
Or at least that's what they show. Mighty successfully.
Leaving me wondering if I ever mattered in the first place.
Is there some trick to it? Some special secret that I don't know yet?
It's just like the case where after being lovers, two individuals cannot be friends. But for me, this happens even with people that are my buddies.
I know the next question you will ask is that if you are so close, how can you suddenly become so distanced and detached?
Well, I can answer that. It depends on the kind of miscommunication that has occurred. On most occasions, I readily and modestly walk up to the "friend" and start talking, clarifying things that have caused a rift. And I do not hesitate in re-connecting even if it means I have to bend over. However, bend over backwards - that I shan't. I've got my own self-respect. And if the other person's ego is supreme enough to kill a beautiful relationship, then too bad. Your loss.
Except that it impacts me worse that it does you!!
I've been told more than a few times by my GENUINE friends and well-wishers that I ought to keep safe distance and not get emotionally attached to everyone in my social circle. Quite a sane suggestion.
But how do I explain that it's not voluntary - this decision to get affected by what people say or do... I get impacted by their words and behavior, they have the ability to make me happy or sad, and I like it that way... except when it gets really bad... and hurts... beyond my control...
I guess that's the price I have to pay for being so open and sensitive.
Big or small, I'm not saying. It gives me as many laughs as tears, give or take a few, and both are entirely worth it :-)
Having said that, I do wish that people understand that their actions and sentences might hurt others. Why make someone miserable? Why steal smiles if you are unable to give joys in return? In fact, why give sorrow at all irrespective of the number of delights exchanged?
I once heard, "it's not possible to cover the world with a carpet, so wear chappals". I also remember a saying that goes like this - "Expecting the world to treat you fairly is like asking a tiger not to eat you because you are vegetarian". While both these thoughts are bang on target, I still fail to follow them.
Does that stop you from being mean to me?
I hope it does.
And I promise I'll never be mean to you no matter what...