That’s a term my best friend coined for the occasion when you want to vent out something so bad that it’s like vomiting out everything that’s within.
That’s the title of this post, because I want to vomit real bad about how I’ve been all this while.
Am I happy? Extremely. I love my job, and my job loves me right back. By that I mean my work is noticed and appreciated, and my colleagues acknowledge and like me as an integral part of the team. My life revolves around this aspect of my existence at the moment, and I won’t deny or discount that. I’ve met some wonderful people at work, and I’m genuinely thankful for that.
At home, things couldn’t be better with my mum. We’re the best of friends, and she is undoubtedly the most beautiful and admirable person in my life. The rest of the family is fine, too, but I hardly get to see them as my baby and bhabhi stay in Mumbai, my brother in Binsar, and my dad who lives with us works a human day shift while I work late nights.
Socializing with friends is great as well, though not as much as I’d like it to be. People are busy or not in touch, and when they are available, I have other commitments. Primarily, family expectations that I get home early, and spend time with them. Fair enough.
My health is erratic. I’ve been unwell almost all of last year – the occasional cough and cold seem to have created a permanent abode in my body. Sneezing was always on my suffering list, and now, I’m in such terrible shape that I can’t talk let alone sing or sip cold coffee. Of course, I can easily charge the silly weather in Pune that hosts a million different viruses, but let’s admit it, my immune system is to blame. And I don’t know what to do about it. Folks say that physical illnesses are connected to our mental state, but honestly, I don’t know what’s bothering my mind and culminating into bodily discomfort.
Well, that’s that about what’s visible and evident.
Coming to what’s eating me within.
I BLOODY DON’T HAVE TIME!!!
I have no time to read, and I’m afraid I’m losing inclination, too. I began Picaddily Jim and Kane and Abel a good 2 months ago, and haven’t been able to read halfway through either yet. This coming from a bespectacled girl who used to polish off entire novels in a week flat (or less), reading day and night, ceaselessly.
I watch TV when I get time off and of course, log onto the net (yeah yah… Facebook and Gtalk). Or chat up with some friends / relatives that have been calling me only to be told that I’m busy and will call them back later. Apart from these three activities, I genuinely don’t have time for anything. Unless there are bills to pay.
I want to do so many things. Like… like… exercise. Go swimming for instance. But pools in the vicinity shut by the time I wake up at noon. I could go for a walk but midday’s not the best time to be doing it, that too on the main road abounding in traffic and pollution. And gymming, well, I don’t want to join a gym. That’s that. I’d rather join a Spanish speaking class. Or learn the Salsa. But what good is either without a partner?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for excuses. I REALLY want to do something outside the ordinary routine. Ho nahi pata…
I mean, what would you call it when I can’t manage to go shopping – one of my favourite pastimes (being a woman, so what if not as silly as the others that make up the majority of the species) or even visit the doc when I’m dying with a hundred aches. What else would you say when I can’t find the time to meet my uncle several times after he’s insisted on seeing me or watching movies that simply keep hitting the box office week after week? I haven’t even written a blog in ages! All the ones that get published are those that I have posted weeks, sometimes months in advance. I don't even get time to read the newspaper even; can't recall when I last held one to catch up on the current events and accidents (or maybe they are synonyms).
Ok. Time to confess. Maybe I just don’t intensely feel the need to do so, and hence, I see myself falling short of time.
As I always tell others, you’ll always find time for things that you really want to do.
I’m great at time management, but I think I’m doing a shoddy job at priority management.
Hell, I think I’ve just decided to focus on a very few fixed priorities, and I’m ignoring everything else. No wonder then that I keep meeting some friends more often than I do others and surf the internet at the cost of other recreational activities.
But you know what… I’m going to try… Starting now.
I’m not convinced about my promise myself, so I’m not expecting to persuade you either.
But I’m surely going to give it a shot.
Wish me luck…