Thursday, May 27

Apology cum Love Letter

I get bored with him as there’s often not much to talk.

I get annoyed coz he keeps complaining all the time.

I feel claustrophobic with him – I’m always being watched and commented upon.

I…

I… …

I………

It’s all about me… What about him?

He’s done a lot for me till date. Be it telling me bedtime stories into the dead of the night, or helping me with my science assignments in school, or planning my career and higher education. He’s given me money to pay my fees, he takes me shopping when he can, he makes it a point to call me regularly, and visit me when I’m sick in bed.

After the numerous things he’s done for me, I tend to feel ungrateful when I don’t take care of his needs and desires. Trust me, I want to be there for him! I wish to leave no stone unturned when it comes to making him happy. The only hitch is he wants me to do all the dreary stuff like hosting his vernacular guests and accompanying him to social dos. Which I DO do occasionally, but I CAN’T do all the time.

I know I love him. There’s no denying that. When he’s ill and upset, I feel his pain and disappointment. I can talk to him and bond in a way that I know no one else can. When he was undergoing some physical problems a few years ago, his agony coursed through me and made me whine. That’s the kind of connection I share with him.

I guess such is life. When I was a kid, it must have been a challenge for him to be available when I needed him, and now when he’s got ample time on his hands and needs me for company, I have to struggle and make time for him amidst my work and social responsibilities.

Which is a lot tougher than it was for him at that time, because I did not complain about his never having time for me!

Age is not on his side, and I am aware that it makes him cantankerous and grouchy, but his saying so all the time only creates an argument between us and spoils the mood. I try real hard to be patient and not react when he says anything of this sort, but I’m so often facing emotional and professional troubles of my own that it gets on my nerves…

I get irritated with him and simultaneously feel pity for him. The former coz of his stubborn and intolerant behavior, the latter because I know he really wants me despite being unable to put forth that fact in more pleasant and direct terms.

We are all helpless in our own ways. Rendered so by our schedule, attitude, preferences and accidents that we have no hold upon. Some might quip that everything except the last factor actually enables us to be more efficient. That is soooo off the mark. Tell me something, if I work 9 am to 8 pm and want to spend the rest of my time either with my friends or with a book, can you blame me? And then when I get some time off, I have errands to run like photocopying documents, paying bills and shopping. Not at all easy, mate!

Don’t hurt anyone, moments and people once gone never come back. Learnt this lesson from the Hollywood flick “Click”.

The movie stars Adam Sandler (brilliant actor) and Kate Beckinsale, and tells the story of a workaholic architect who finds a remote that can rewind and fast-forward his life. While it proves extremely valuable in the beginning, only later does the protagonist realize how many beautiful moments and persons he’s lost and hurt due to his selfishness and single-minded dedication to his work. His family and health is relegated to the sidelines and he regrets it all on (virtual) hindsight.

While I cannot be compared to this extreme, I realize that it is essential to prioritize things effectively and make sure that we don’t miss out on things that matter the most in life. Just like the mail I received a few months ago – something about tennis balls, marbles, sand and coffee… Have you read it? If not, I could share it with you here. Happy to help :-)

Before I conclude…

Sorry mum… I know I hurt you tremendously (and inadvertently, if I may add). I know you do a helluva lot for me, and I can never prove myself worthy enough to be your daughter. Thanks a bunch, girl! I love you tons… I’ll try to be more patient with your million questions henceforth… And I’ll try to take time out for you so that we can go frolicking around the city and country whenever possible :-)

And Abba, you know I love you… Sorry I can’t make you feel that as continually as I’d like to… Just believe me, please? I’ll try to be a better daughter hereon…

I’m suddenly reminded of Ronan Keating’s “If Tomorrow Never Comes…”
Lovely song.

Have you told your loved ones how you feel about them?

Go now. Tomorrow never comes…

I sincerely remain,
Princess

1 comment:

pRasad said...

Reading your post, I felt like you have written about my dad iteslf :)

The post is soooo touching.. I simply loveeeeed it.

I went through some of your other posts & I must say, I'm really glad coming to your blog. I am following it :)