You're 5 months old and you've undisputedly made my life 5 times as lovely, 5 times as busy, 5 times as optimistic and 5 times as tough.
Okay I'm kidding, you don't really break my back so often but when you're at your cranky best, I suddenly forget just how rosy life is with you in it. Pardon my candor, I do hope in time that will be one of the things you learn to appreciate and accept about your mother.
I'm a mother. Gosh! That's so hard to believe.
There are a hundred stories that I'd like to share with you when you're a little more grown up. Like the day just before you were born and my gynaec, at the periodic checkup, suddenly sprung on me that you were due in 24 hours. All this while I'd been expecting you and suddenly I felt so unprepared!
And about how your dad fed you milk right from a katori when you were hardly a few days old and bawling with hunger.
Or about how sad and sorry and helpless I felt when you used to cry your lungs out due to colic. No medicine helped, and we tried various nuske that failed. And then, I started wearing you in a saree and going for a walk, and you seemed to like that. But of course, by then you were more active and the gases weren't bothering you as much.
And how much my hands ached coz of DeQuervain's and I could not even lift you without yelping in pain.
However this post is not to recount all those few zillion tales that have made motherhood a special phase in my life. (For the good reasons, and the not so good ones too!)
Rather, it is to thank you for being such an adorable cutie and also to share some memorable trivia that I don't want you to lose out on courtesy our bad memories.
The first time I heard you, you were taken out of my tummy and the doc said "It's a boy".
Duh, we already knew!
No, we did not get your sex determined when we were at Thailand (though your dad did suggest it). In my heart, I always knew you were going to be my son and I nicknamed you accordingly.
Tears rolled down my cheeks when you were shown to me and I took a second to digest the fact that I was now a mother.
The first few days in the hospital were quite tedious as you and I got used to each other, and your jaundice made it all the more difficult. I had to take some tough decisions as a mom, but you stood by me and proved me right. Thank you, honey. I will always stand by you, too.
Everybody said you looked like your father and I hated them for it. Why couldn't you resemble me? After all the ways I took care of you, you might as well have taken after me! And yet, I gaze at you and you stare back at me with those sparkling eyes and dazzling smile, and I don't care who you look like. All that matters is, you're the prettiest thing I've set eyes upon and I love you more than my own life.
When I look at you now, I find it hard to imagine where all that time has flown when you wouldn't sleep all night and I'd hate it when someone gave me hefty philosophies about the joys of mommyhood. I lost my temper more than a few times in the first month or two, but not once did your adoration for me dwindle. You always wanted me close and that means so much to an emotional fool like me. Everyone can see the unique way you look at me, and it sets my heart a-flutter. Thank you, my child for making me feel like God.
Each day I get to know you better, and I find myself more confident as tend to you and your needs. You are a smart kid, and you convey what you want or dislike with surprising genius. I can hardly wait to see how intelligent you become when you enter teenage and youth. My blessings are forever with you, and I will try my best to set you up for success in all possible ways. That's a promise. And a promise that has already begun. Be it in stimulating your senses or trying to communicate with you - we're well on our way, baby!
You love music. And why not! At the hospital, your dad and I held you and danced as we sang "Jaane jaa dhoondta fir raha" to calm you when you were weeping. And to think, your dad never dances! But he did move around, and that was good enough.
How annoyed we felt when anybody said you had no/less hair!
(Though now, I do agree. But nobody else dare say that!)
Such a beautiful thing it is, your laughter, when you feel ticklish or when you enjoy a particularly rowdy game!
Your adorable smile, your cooing and gurgling, the day you turned over and so many more pretty firsts!
Each time we visited your paed, I was excited to see that you were well above average in terms of both height and weight as per the growth charts. I felt so heartened that I was doing well as a mother. Thanks a million times for making me feel adequate and complete.
I underwent immense pressure to give you formula and other foods but I remained firm and yet again, you were by my side, topping the charts and proving me right. Thanks a ton, sweetheart! We start solids with you in a few weeks, and then everyone can feed you all they want without having to verbally (and physically) wrestle with me.
Everybody who saw you admired your beauty and energy. Some days you were cranky, and other days I felt like the luckiest mom on earth coz bringing you up was such a breeze.
In time, we realised you loved "Ek charraiya" as a lullaby and you were fond of being outdoors, be it going for short drives or long walks.
It's fun to watch you play with your Naani, and talk to Sangeeta bai. You're not so much at ease with most people, and want me to carry and hold you all the time. Quite a task, my healthy baby boy. You're growing each day, and every day I notice something new about you.
We're not the only ones teaching you stuff, I'm learning from you, too. Trust, when you fall asleep in my arms, certain that I won't let you fall. Curiosity, the way you look at the simplest things in amazement and wonder. Openness and acceptance, the way you grin at random strangers and steal their heart. Care-a-damn confidence, when you behave the way you please, fart when you wish and wet the sheets without bothering what people will think. Patience, when you refuse to stop crying even for a second and I need to drop everything else, control my temper and figure out what will pacify you. Resourcefulness and creativity, to keep you engaged (and distracted). Parenthood is a Ph.D in itself.
And that's not all...
Liveliness, the way you don't stay put and quiet even for a minute, flipping over the moment you are placed on your back. Speed, given that I can now do most things in 30 seconds or less, which is all I have before you realise I'm not in the same room. Superstitiousness, each time you behave unusually difficult and cranky. Confusion, coz I wish you'd sleep when you're awake and when you're sleeping, I miss your chatter and bustle. True love, when you want only me even though I'm mad at you for soiling my bedsheet or behaving difficult. Religiousness, the way you love and calm down when you hear mantras and observe worship. Sensitivity, since I need to pick your obvious and not so obvious cues so as to ease your pain and end what's bothering you.
Our first trip together was to your Mama's place in Mumbai which turned out an absolute nightmare for both of us as you hated it and kept crying throughout, and we next went to Mahabaleshwar for an impromptu day trip - extremely tiring but an adventure to be together for the first time as a nuclear family.
You are in love with all things godly, and we noticed that you enjoyed being in temples or chanting God's names. We started calling you Panditji and a passing baba also mentioned that you were an ancestor come back to life in our home.
Well, whatever it is, and whoever you might be, you're mine and I adore you more than words can say.
Be strong. Be brave. Be healthy, happy and wise.
I will always love you.
Mom (aka Maa)