Monday, March 25

Experienced Wife Snippets


Here's how you women can make your marital life perfect...

This is that one-off time when I am not going to "lecture" the men but actually address the women... Coz advice given to the males always is forgotten / ignored / misunderstood / criticized...

(All ears now, aren't you, men and boys?)

I am now going to jot this down for the benefit of the females who I expect will be more open and intelligent in putting these lessons into practice. After all, they are the ones that truly need help despite the fact that they are often judged to be at fault when marital bliss is absent between spouses.


Here is my two pence, hope it makes your married life easier...


- Do not expect your man to be the same guy who doted on you and did not let you do a thing, who called or texted you every few minutes / hours, who made you feel like a queen in every way you imagined and dreamed. "Ghar ki murgi daal barabar" is no misconception. The girlfriend who was earlier available only for a few hours a day now becomes visible and approachable 24 hours a day. Obviously there will be repercussions. Be prepared to be involuntarily forgotten or purposefully ignored. TV and gaming will score over you in a list of priorities. There is nothing you can do about it. The first few times if you crib, he will keep it away. Soon, he will stop caring and it will become routine. You have to adjust to and accept your diminished value in his life. You are now expendable since you tied the knot with him. Had he still been pursuing you, you could have wrung him around your little finger. Your loss.


- He married you for convenience first and love later. Maybe you were his best bet or he was just forced into conjugal life. Either way he will still expect you to run the house and do all the chores. If you cannot, hire a maid but do not make his life miserable by requesting help or discipline. No matter if you have a job and earn more, house work will always be the woman's duty and the man will find it beneath him to do these tasks. If he does put the clothes in the washing machine and if he does keep things in their correct places, it is a favour he is doing on you. You might have lived like a princess in your house, but you're married now and that's not his problem. Gear up to hear this each time he folds his quilt - "I do everything I can for you".


- It is okay if he abuses and yells, but you cannot as much as wag a finger at him. Male chauvinists, the bunch of them. They want to threaten you and scare you. They will try to dominate you and show their manhood. If you accept it gracefully, then bless you. If not, the house will echo with screams and choicest words that will resound in your memory until the day you quit (the relation or this life).


- Be thankful for every tiny and every single thing he bestows on you. He wants to feel like a king all the time and be appreciated and respected. So what if he makes you feel like a total mess and a loser? If you are angry, calm down yourself coz no way was he at fault. But if his mood is screwed, you are definitely to blame. Your hurt and disappointment are due to your own expectations. If he actually takes the pains to please you, you ought to feel lucky and grateful. He cannot be held responsible for your needs and peace. All he wants is a happy or silent household. Do not voice your worries or sorrows. Just be quiet and deal with it yourself. Nobody else cares anyway.


- No matter how much you love him and how much he loves you, he needs his space. He cannot deal with being hounded and accompanied all the time. Don't keep waiting for him to text or call or ping you. You do it if you want. Or... The best way to handle this is to identify some time mutually when he can revel with his dumbbells, PSP and cell phone and whatever else. Let him bask in his own space for awhile and do not expect him to even remember you exist. It's not that bad really, you get time out for yourself as well... And as I read by Rori Raye - you could be pushing him away by chasing him... Give him a chance to miss you. Which means leave him alone now and then. Do not take care of everything. Do not plan all the time. Take things as they come. Do not be his mother. Let him be... and he will come looking for you with greater love and affection.

***


Sounds pretty nasty, innit? Cynical, realistic, bitter or pessimistic - whatever you call it. These tips will help you survive if you are like me. If you aren't, well you're more self actualized and I need to learn from you.

As the oft repeated sentence goes, "Shaadi wo laddoo hai, jo khaye pachhtaye, jo na khaye wo pachhtaye."


Ain't bad all the time, of course. But then, who needs advice when the going is good?


Good luck with your spouses.



- (was) Princess

Thursday, March 14

My biggest nemesis



Anger.


There you got it. It's anger and there's nothing that I can do about it.


They call me chandi and say I have the worst temper ever. Maybe that is not entirely incorrect. But hey, I am way better than most people that I will not name here. At least I do not get violent or threaten anybody physically.

Here's the deal..

I cannot stop myself from expecting. I cannot stop myself from getting disappointed 98% of the times. And then I cannot stop myself from lashing out at the object of my disappointment. Call it the vicious circle but there is absolutely nothing I can do to end this process.


And then it would still be manageable if I could hold on to the anger forever (or at least for an extended period of time). This way, I will not bother about how the other person is feeling and not care about being hurt by that person again.


No. To make matters worse, I get angry in a jiffy and then overcome it in a short while. Which puts me at the losing end no matter what way you look at it.


Imagine this scenario where I am angry with my friend for some darned reason. All I want is attention and a sense of importance. Too much to ask for? Not according to me, but yes as per a whole other bunch of people. So, let's say that this friend did something that hurt my feelings (or ego - after all I am no saint).


And what happens next? Well, either he or she notices my reaction or not. Either they come over to discuss it or not.


If they notice and come over, well yes, I do give them a hard time because I expect some consideration from a person I consider close. But not as hard a time as I would mete out if they hurt me and did not even realise. The absolute worst thing that can happen is someone sees me hurt and ignores though they realise it.


Think over it. Just how tough is it to approach someone and clarify things? If the intent is in place, it is no big deal. But sometimes, unfortunately, people want to make a show of things and assert their own significance. For this precise reason, they throw their weight around when they shouldn't and hog all the limelight when they ought to apologize and make me feel better.


Forget all of that. Let's move on to the next step.


My anger subsides as quickly as it rises. I have a dirty (or good, depending on the way you look at it) habit where I immediately start empathizing with the other person no matter how horrible I feel. So, even while I am upset, I will go ahead and ensure that the other person does not feel wronged or hurt.


Sheesh! I am hopeless.


God, please give me the good sense to control my temper. If not, then at least bestow me with stubborness so that I will not take the first step when I am angry and hurt myself to set things right. I am done making all the efforts. It's time I felt cherished and wanted.


And if people cannot be bothered about that, well then I do not want these people in my life any more.


Over and out.


- Princess



Monday, March 4

Yello !!!!


Hey there fellas,

Feels like we haven’t connected in ages. Of course, my blog kept updating itself thanks to the schedule and auto-publish functions. Yet, I missed you…

What have I been up to? Well, loads really. Life hasn’t been very kind to me in the past few months (years actually, my saade saati just doesn’t seem to end). 

After all the struggle that came with finding a suitable boy and making him my groom, there remained only about a few hundred things to be sorted. That my professional life was in tatters did not help one bit, and that I felt totally lost and miserable most of the time was also equally depressing. My patience and strength were wearing thin and my faith was shaking…

Anyway, I did realise after all this trauma, that this is what is my destiny… And then my lifelong dream came true when I got this done…


Yessss… a permanent tattoo! Cool, innit? Does it pain? Hell yes. The making bit I mean. Now of course, it’s a week old and it doesn’t hurt at all. Only scratches. But at the time of getting the tattoo done, it is a lot worse than what people say. Ant bite and all that crap is horribly untrue. It pains badly. Especially when the artist holds your body part (the vibration shocked the living daylights out of me) and when the tattoo is near a bone. Tending to it is quite tedious, but well now that it is done with, I can say it is worth it :-)

I’ve been reading a lot of stuff too. Losing track actually since I am getting a whole lot of books to read and review as well as my own choice of books to read for recreation. I am so tied for time that I do not realise when time passes. I started Chanakya Chant by Ashwin Sanghi while Ravana is still incomplete. Spicy Bites of Biryani by Ashwina Garg is still waiting in the wings for its turn. So are my Readers Digests month on month. 

All this while the last book in the Shiva Trilogy by Amish is released and gracing my dining table. Sorry, my lovelies… Heartiest apologies.

I had to read A Maverick Heart : Between love and life by Ravindra Shukla, but the experience was so painful (yup, worse than my tattoo!) that I abandoned the thought (nightmare?) after 60 pages. The book is ostentatious and the editing is poor but what truly sucks is the story (or the lack of it). Sorry, Ravindra. You’re a fellow IBMer but I honestly think you ought to stick to Business Analytics and not delve into the writing territory.

I managed to download and watch a few interesting movies in the interim. Special 26 was awesome. What a super climax! Great acting too by Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher and Manoj Bajpayee. I wanted to watch Saheb Biwi aur Gangster Returns but the film has not been that fortunate yet. Sometime soon, maybe.

Difficulties, movies, books… falling out and making up with friends… trying to deal with life and all its myriad shades and phases… It’s been a tumultuous time for me, very trying and tough… Resilience and faith got me through, and I've been fighting God and asking for his grace and mercy alternately. 

Can’t wait for it to end. Or is happiness and peace a mirage that one runs towards but never reaches?

I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way!!

C ya later alligator :-) May the good lord be with you.


Cheerio!
Anuja