Here's how you women can make your marital life perfect...
This is that one-off time when I am not going to "lecture" the men but actually address the women... Coz advice given to the males always is forgotten / ignored / misunderstood / criticized...
(All ears now, aren't you, men and boys?)
I am now going to jot this down for the benefit of the females who I expect will be more open and intelligent in putting these lessons into practice. After all, they are the ones that truly need help despite the fact that they are often judged to be at fault when marital bliss is absent between spouses.
Here is my two pence, hope it makes your married life easier...
- Do not expect your man to be the same guy who doted on you and did not let you do a thing, who called or texted you every few minutes / hours, who made you feel like a queen in every way you imagined and dreamed. "Ghar ki murgi daal barabar" is no misconception. The girlfriend who was earlier available only for a few hours a day now becomes visible and approachable 24 hours a day. Obviously there will be repercussions. Be prepared to be involuntarily forgotten or purposefully ignored. TV and gaming will score over you in a list of priorities. There is nothing you can do about it. The first few times if you crib, he will keep it away. Soon, he will stop caring and it will become routine. You have to adjust to and accept your diminished value in his life. You are now expendable since you tied the knot with him. Had he still been pursuing you, you could have wrung him around your little finger. Your loss.
- He married you for convenience first and love later. Maybe you were his best bet or he was just forced into conjugal life. Either way he will still expect you to run the house and do all the chores. If you cannot, hire a maid but do not make his life miserable by requesting help or discipline. No matter if you have a job and earn more, house work will always be the woman's duty and the man will find it beneath him to do these tasks. If he does put the clothes in the washing machine and if he does keep things in their correct places, it is a favour he is doing on you. You might have lived like a princess in your house, but you're married now and that's not his problem. Gear up to hear this each time he folds his quilt - "I do everything I can for you".
- It is okay if he abuses and yells, but you cannot as much as wag a finger at him. Male chauvinists, the bunch of them. They want to threaten you and scare you. They will try to dominate you and show their manhood. If you accept it gracefully, then bless you. If not, the house will echo with screams and choicest words that will resound in your memory until the day you quit (the relation or this life).
- Be thankful for every tiny and every single thing he bestows on you. He wants to feel like a king all the time and be appreciated and respected. So what if he makes you feel like a total mess and a loser? If you are angry, calm down yourself coz no way was he at fault. But if his mood is screwed, you are definitely to blame. Your hurt and disappointment are due to your own expectations. If he actually takes the pains to please you, you ought to feel lucky and grateful. He cannot be held responsible for your needs and peace. All he wants is a happy or silent household. Do not voice your worries or sorrows. Just be quiet and deal with it yourself. Nobody else cares anyway.
- No matter how much you love him and how much he loves you, he needs his space. He cannot deal with being hounded and accompanied all the time. Don't keep waiting for him to text or call or ping you. You do it if you want. Or... The best way to handle this is to identify some time mutually when he can revel with his dumbbells, PSP and cell phone and whatever else. Let him bask in his own space for awhile and do not expect him to even remember you exist. It's not that bad really, you get time out for yourself as well... And as I read by Rori Raye - you could be pushing him away by chasing him... Give him a chance to miss you. Which means leave him alone now and then. Do not take care of everything. Do not plan all the time. Take things as they come. Do not be his mother. Let him be... and he will come looking for you with greater love and affection.
Sounds pretty nasty, innit? Cynical, realistic, bitter or pessimistic - whatever you call it. These tips will help you survive if you are like me. If you aren't, well you're more self actualized and I need to learn from you.
As the oft repeated sentence goes, "Shaadi wo laddoo hai, jo khaye pachhtaye, jo na khaye wo pachhtaye."
Ain't bad all the time, of course. But then, who needs advice when the going is good?
Good luck with your spouses.
- (was) Princess