Dard-e-Disco

I have two best friends, Mr. S and Ms. L,
Others cause controversy, with them I gel so well...
They’re at ease with me, and in me they reside,
Hidden in a corner, they always “take my side”.
When life’s filled with joy, S takes a vacation,
But when the joys dwindle, he runs to handle my desolation.
Ms. L’s a sweetheart, with me in every crowd,
A silent part of me, in situations noisy and loud.
I can’t say I love them, I’d prefer to be without...
But they come without my bidding, for the rest I need to scout.
They’re notorious for bringing tears, they weaken men of honor;
Yet they’re amazing teachers, and for none a foreigner.

I have two best friends, Ms. L and Mr. S...
Their names you’ve heard before, Sorrow and Loneliness...

Hi ppl!
All ado abt fun n laughter, n thr v go forgetin sumthin cald sadness exists... Here is a post on d not-so-lucky times in life...

Have u noticd dis? Whn sumthin sad n unusual happens (a death or failure, for example), irrespective of how u actually feel, ppl keep finding ways to proclaim how disturbd u r… They keep askin if u ok, and this actually makes u feel mo upset. Evrythin u say or do is perceived as not-normal, and wat is especially irrit8g is whn ppl ask u to talk or cry it out... They care a devil’s a** abt ur grievance, n in fact, they scratch ur healed wound by recalling d pain... All fake behaviors under d name of obligation and goodness. A sufferer needs to speak, maybe to vent, maybe to share. Not to be judged, not to be analysed and evaluated. One cant b expectd to cry forever, tears dry away... one can feel d pain decades later, bt tears... Rather dan drawin conclusions abt situations and conditions, it wud b so much better is ppl askd for, told n believd d truth! As my ex-colleague says (Hi Andy!) “to ASSUME is to make an ASS of U and ME”… Pretty profound, eh? ;-)

2008 – a dreadful start inspite of a wonderful midnight eve party… I fell frm a rickety bike, nt once bt twice in d same nite… bruisd n achin all over I was in bed for almost a week. I had had a nasty bump on my head, causin me to lose consciousness and then amnesia for a few minutes. I cant tell u how I felt. Its one of d most incredible experiences of my life. I asked my partner (who was ridin) where we were comin frm. Given our witty dispositions and freaky interactions, he thot I was kiddin, but his lopsided grin took a hike when he saw my deadpan face. I cud rem my family n personal details, bt I had lost memory of wat hapd d last couple of hours. I cudnt even rem my fren’s tel number, which I dialled almost 10 times a day! He helpd me recall, bit by bit, but I was still in shock. Wid a bleeding lip and a scarred body, I went home d next day, n u can imagin watta HAPPY new year it was for my parents… Thankfully, my MRI reports wer normal, but me and my parents had a tough time grappling wid d days dat followed whrein I used to black out and feel dizzy… I can c dis as if it hapd yday… Leme tell u, losin ur memory and regainin it beats anything else u’v ever felt in dis world! ;-) Not a must-experience, mind you! God be with you...

My second brush with adventure (how I wish it were exciting and fun) came on d way to Vellore (TN, India), whr I was headed with my MA batchmates for a Counselin program at d Christian Counseling Centre. My companions will probably give u a betr version, coz I was in a daze throughout… Deep in slumber on d train to Chennai, I got off d middle berth widout regainin my consciousness entirely. In a bid to be helpful to some fellow-travelers, I attemptd to fix d berth, and broke my palm-skin on d notch dat holds up d berth. I still cringe as I recall d pain dat shuttled thru my arm. I started bleedin and walked to d door to wash up. The next thin I kno m being lifted up by my frens frm d train floor. Apparently I’d passed out. The hypothesis is dat blood flow wasn’t complete to my brain as I was in a sleepy state, and hence, the incident. I fear to think o d conseqs had I fallen on d oder side of d basin… Commotion ensued, and I apparently did sum weird stunts scarin evrbdy and stallin d train for an hour at a station on d way. The TC personally went to get me some antibiotics, which I (un)fortunately nevr used; thanks anyways man, if u ever read dis! Also thanx to Sakshi, Harshada, Namrata, Aparna and d rest… (Sala, ye toh vote of thanks hogya!)

Well, I do believ in luck n stars and planets... And I believ in astrology and kundli... Now seems my really bad time... So, all you good folks pray for me, and lets hope d worst is over...

Salam aleikum...
Wa-aleikum-as-salam!

(Peace be with you ...
And with you be peace)

- Anuja

Life...

Wassup buddies!

I read sumwhr, dat d worst thin in life is whn someone u know becomes someone u knew… I can only nod my head whn I think of dis statement… Thr r so many ppl who I considerd close, but mebe dat wasn’t a mutual feelin coz many drifted away never to return, and those dat did, wer so changed, dat it was hard to say I knew thm once…A small town guy, someone who I knew was a seed dat’d blossom very soon to proportions unimaginable… And he did… So much so dat nw whn I luk at him, v hav a Blackberry n a laptop n decades of unshared experiences between us… Life has changed, v hav chngd… And thrs no getg bac…

Anywaysssss....
Ready for some Shantaram? M sorry guys, r u bored wid dis rant of mine? But I cant help it, some lines frm d book jus tch a nerve dat I nd to giv it a space on my blog… Pls bear wid me… So, GDR says, sometimes v do d wrong thin for d rite reasons. We need to ensure dat d reason is right, and we need to admit wat v r doin is wrong… Dnt lie to urself dat u did d correct thin… Thr r also times whn u do d wrong thin for wrong reasons, and times whn u do d rite thin for d wrong reasons…. V shud b honest enuf to axpt d nature of d reason n our action… Evrythin u have done, are doing, or are planning to do wil fall in one of these categories. B honest enuf to axpt, and willin to change, if possible. And u’l experience more peace and calm widin…

Talkin abt life, right n wrong, I watchd Aamir d odr day. A small flick wid small content bt huge implications. It is d epitome of d Hindu-Muslim war dat has been ragin for centuries now. D movie has d power to make u feel, which is d best thin any phenomena – livin or dead, can do to u… Starrin d TV superstar Rajeev Khandelwal, d movie is a tale of a Muslim doc who returns to “aamchi Mumbai” aftr studyin abroad to c his family. D punchline is “wud u still screen me so intensely if my name was Amar n nt Aamir?!” – d line d protagonist uses when d airport official grinds him at checkout. However, d storyline wud best b described by dis particular scene in d movie whr thrs a toy and a person winds d key to make d toy work, and prods it whn it dsnt, and finally pushes it away whn its non-functional… D same way, Aamir is coerced to follow a million silly instructions (which r nt actually silly, as he later find out) n jus askd to run throughout d city d minute he exits d airport. Its sickening and saddenin in turns; d way the anonymous caller commands his existence n behavior… One wonders how resignd n helpless one is in d face of fate. V’r mere puppets in d hands of destiny n circumstances can mould us any way they wish. Especially d scene whr Aamir tries to protect a bag (a glarying and horrifyin red!) dat holds d key to his and his family’s freedom n wellbeing. D way he requests and says “bhaijaan” to hoodlums who r wrenching d bag away frm him… painful! Not enuf to draw tears, bt certainly heartrending… Rajeev dsnt hav to work too hard to act naturally, coz d plot is such dat it automatically brings out d relevant emotion in u – fear, heplessness, sorrow, anger, frustration, desperation… n dat entire gamut of negative feelings dat comprise life… However, d end is quite predictable. Sari bollywood movies ki ek hi problem… D minute u hear Aamir means “leader”, u kno thrs a martyr in d makin… A decent attempt to portray d state of Muslims who r shunned in India (dno y v keep stressing on dis aspect, I’v got Muslim frens n thrs no ill-will betwn us!) n driven against their choice to join d Holy War (“Jihad”), how d person behind d reins is brainf***ed n cant think logically n positively, hw innocent ppl get branded as terrorists n their sacrifice remains unknown, unspoken, unappreciated... Not a must-watch, bt if its on cable n u’v got time to spare, thn go for it. It’s on d 18th of July, I think... dno wat time n channel, bt hell! Do a lil homework, folks!!

Well, m doin gud, thnx for askin ;-) nuthin much hapg, my new workplace is pretty relaxd... Thr r times whn I discover thins in bits n spurts n d rest is jus chill-time... V conduct OBLs n team interventions, so whn I join d offsite, it’s a lot of fun n learning. Like d last time thr wer lotsa activities on teambldg, n dis time tho d theme remains d same, v’r gona do adventure stuff like rafting n rappelling... Lookin forward to it!

Chillax people!
Muuuaaaaaaaahhhh!
Take care, coz I care....
- Anuja

Geet Gaata Chal...

Hiya buddies,
Here are 2 poems, both based on luv. But the themes r different. One is by yours truly ;-) and d odr is by someone special for his someone special! Its ur guess now which is writn by who! Lets set u sleuths to sum work…

Poem 1…U duno how badly I need u here wid me,
I need u more dan anything, I need to breathe.
How do I stay warm widout u to hold me tight,
I wish I was in ur arms and evrythin was right.
I mis u so much n I cant wait to c ur face,
Coz whn v r together, my heart begins to race.
Whn m wid u its like no1 can come in my way,
Even whn v’r apart, I think abt u all day.
I wish I cud tel u exactly how I feel,
But words cant explain, this feeling is jus too real…

Poem 2…If I had a day to live,
And I knew tomr I’d die;
I’d hold u close oh baby,
And a million tears cry.
Tears for dreams you gave,
And tears for my fate;
Tears coz I know u…
And tears coz v met late.
I’d ask u to smile,
I’d tell u I luv u,
I’d say sorry, m going…
But I’ll alwes b wid u…
Any gueses???
Awrite the second one’s mine… But I’d like ur comments on both!

A note from Shantaram - Jealousy, lik d flawd luv dat bears it, has no respect for time or space or wisely reasoned argument. It can raise d dead wid a single spiteful taunt or hate a perfect stranger for nuthin more dan d sound of his name…

And finally, thot for d day! A fanatic is someone who wont change his mind and cant change the topic! Hehe…

Have a gud day!
Anuja

Blah Blah... And blah... And blah

Hey,

I went thru this post before I posted it, and leme warn u, its exceedingly free-flowing, which in simple terms states, that there is no uniform theme. I drift from topic to topic very smoothly and quite seamlessly. I kno it can b frustr8g to read and recollect, but wat-da-heck! Aint dat wat bloggin’s all abt? Ramblin n yakkin n daydreamin galore…

Situations are objective and real. It is wat each one of us, subjectively, makes of these situations dat decides whether it poses an opportunity or obstacle for progress. I read sumwhr (I think the Robbins OB Bible, my fav text during Masters) that people have different perspectives and perceptions about the same thin. For eg. downsizing causes stress to some, while others rejoice coz with the compensation they can start doing what they really wanted to do for ages but never mustered d courage or dedication to do so actively and voluntarily...

Why m delving on this note? Coz I jus recalled how life gave me certain chances. Sum dat I tuk, sum dat I dint, sum dat I shud hav probably, and others dat I shudnt… Sum dat I did well, sum dat I enjoyd… A few of these r ...

My becoming Head Girl in school… I dint want d post (m sure my classmates wnt believ dat!) My principal literally had to coerce me to axpt d post. An unwanted opportunity, a crown of thorns, a role dat I executed, but dint cherish or enjoy…

I was oferd a role in a movie whn I was modelin in my undergrad days… And as I had alrdy causd enuf agony to my parents by modelin in d first place, I decided to give it a miss… An opportunity I din’t take, and I dnt repent…

The next was a chance to join SIBM/SIMC (Symbiosis MBA and Mass Comm institutes) when I was contemplating doing a Masters after BA. But I decided against both and joined MA Psych instead. And m glad for it!

Durin my MA Psych, I was placed at Tata Motors (Univ placement). It was a one-in-a-million chance for the 60+ folks who had come thr to b a part of d selection procedure. Only 2 ppl got thru – me and a woman from d Eco dept. Despite bein oferd a package of close to 5 lacs (phenomenal and unbelievable by MA stds), I decided to refuse due to reasons I’d already justified to myself… In d end wat matters is wat u feel rite… Nothin can be forced on u and nothing is a loss if you are convinced abt whr ur heading…

Just like opportunity, “Shantaram” says thr is no objective n universal definition of good or evil. Our ways of defining d unit of morality hav similar intentions but different details. Whn soldiers go to the war, d imams on one side bless their army, and d priests of d opponent nation pray for their men. Both say they hav God on their side. … Each party justifies its own acts n condemns the acts of others… And wat happens in d end? Bloodshed, destruction, sorrow and frustration… In the end, wat’s gud? Wats evil? Anyone's guess...

My mum says v hav d discretion to choose how we wish to behave, that v control our own actions and desires, but thn she says evrythin is alrdy pland n v r jus actin on Fate’s directions. I get thoroughly annoyd wid this contradiction. Whn smthin hapns ppl say, “honi ko kaun taal sakta hai” (=who can change d inevitable) n yet, they proclaim “kar bhala toh ho bhala” (=if you do good, you’l get good/as u sow, so u reap)… How do v exactly kno wats bound to be and wats d best way for thins to be? Afterthoughts and postdated comments r gud for timepass and gossip. But how can u avoid d worst and ensure d best wid 100% conviction in advance? Anyone's guess again...

Hypocrisy is d mantra v all swear by. Parents ask their kids to drive slow and b safe, yet whn d kid dsnt reach in 10mins, they call him and check again n again y he hasn’t reached! I mean, u askd him to come slow, so..?? Anyway I know what they hav in mind, but its sounded amusing whn I actually saw it happen in fronta me… And wat abt those who tell u to call whn ur free and thn call again and again to know if ur free? Hell, if I am free and if I wish to talk/meet, I WIL buzz u buddy! Take a hike…

I hav a feelin, I’ve seen much mo in my 23 years dan ppl twice my age have even thot abt… This aint arrogance, its an honest confession. Gud or bad, I duno… But my philosophy in life remains “no regrets”. I believ in, and stand by watvr I did at a particular time. I thot it was rite thn so its nt d done thin to now crib or complain abt it… Life has been gud to me, and God has alwes treated me like his favorite child. I guess my faith carries me thru evry crisis… Try it! Esply all u atheists and pessimists. You’ll b amazed wat wonders ur faith works!

Unfortun8ly, I’v nt been so suxesful wid my “no expectations” resolution. I keep promising myslf I wnt expect anything frm people, but I alwes end up hurtin myself n odrs due to my failure in dis dept… Chalo theek hai. M trying...

Mind still whirlin wid words n ideas, but time runnin out! One last thot - Shantaram says all of us fear that a luvd one will stop luvin us, but wat needs to b dreaded is that v wont stop luvin even aftr a person is dead or gone… Amazin...

Time out! Catch ya later folks! Every ready to hear anything u wanta share…

Take care!
Anuja

Shantaram III

Gues who's bac, guess who's bac...
Some miscellaneous lines dis time from Shanty boy... Oh dat reminds me! Johny boy (d stud John Abraham, who else?!!!) is d mascot for Euro 2008 n Spain has won it aftr 44 yrs... Gud eh?!

Bac to Shantaram : Food for thought…
- Sum folks live like each act a performance. I think I belong to dis category ;-) an in-built Leo mechanism I’d say… - Some people hav d power to make u feel smthin, and that’s y they make a difference in ur life…
- Kids r innocent and yet dangerous coz of their innocence. They know how to get things done and dnt stop until they hav their way.
- Smokers smoke coz they want to die at least as much as they want to live… (I can see those of u who smoke (or used to) grinning in sarcasm or contempt, bt if u delve deeper, m sure u’d agree to a sense of frustration, depression and desperation… no offence meant!)
- Fate’s way of beatin us in a fair fite is to give us warnings we hear bt dnt heed.
- Courage is nothing but bein well-prepared, and cowardice is often just another way to say that you are taken by surprise. My tuppence - You ought to forgive yourself, and not carry your regrets with you. They will weigh you down, sooner or later, the burden is just so great… Learn to pardon urself if u wish to grow.
- Cruelty is a kind of cowardice. Cruel laughter is how a coward cries in public, and causing pain is how he grieves… I can say dat frm personal experience… Cowards I kno r sick ppl coz they believe by teasin odrs n insultin/humiliatin thm, they reach a notch higher… sad!
- Now dis’s amazing, we all kno it, yet v nevr connectd it dis way. Hats off for dis GDR! How did d human race evolve? Yeah yeah, apes n all dat. But whr did it all start? It goes bac to water. V came frm d water… Whr does a baby come frm? D mother’s womb, dat contains water… Whn v gro up, wat do we cry or sweat? Water. We all carry miniature oceans in each o us… Cool eh?!
- Hate kills you if you cant let it go. How true… the object of ur hate isn’t botherd most o d time, bt the person who hates dies evry second… thru physical meetin or mental remembrance…
- In life, fate shows us wat v cud, and shudnt let ourselves bcum… V meet d drunkard, d waster, d betrayer, d glutton, d selfish n d revengeful… V find ourselves luvin or pityin these ppl. And thn, its imposs to hate thm! U cant despise who u pity n cant shun those u luv.
- Black markets flourish whn greed meets control… If there is no control on greed, or ideally speaking, if there is no greed, thr wil b no black markets! A simple eg to a layman like me : wat hapns whn d blockbuster u yearnin to see 1st day 1st show is houseful? U approach d “black karnewale” folks… right? Bingo…
- What is the difference between people who fight to take a life for fun or people who fight to save a life? When the former starts losing, his reason to kill dwindles, he is sapped of energy, and he wants to end the fight. When the latter starts losing, he gets even more energy to continue the fight. Men reveal wat they think whn they luk away n reveal wat they feel whn they hesitate… With women, its d odr way round… Exquisite observation!!
- How do u decide wat action is gud or evil? Ask urself 2 Qs; Q1. How wud it b if evry1 did it? Q2. Wud it help or hinder growth and devpt?

Well, I’l leave u at dat… Too much broth spoils d cook ;-)
Sad joke… Time out!

Keep smiling,
Anuja