Monday, October 20

Growing up


Good weekend for you? Fine for me. Of my
to-do's. what did I do? Hung out at GB (German Bakery, KP) and then MG. Bought two kick-ass dresses for super-sexy prices. (Checked out several overpriced rags and tatters in the teeniest of shops/boutiques; thank God for all-year-round discount malls!) A hair-band, colorful and pretty. The bangles weren’t looking too appealing on me (which kinda disappointed me, but then my pal reminded me of my blog post where I’d said everything doesn’t suit everybody. How judicious and kind of him. Sniff...) Also saw a delightful Sikh procession on MG, some celebrations of the Guru Granth Saheb. Punjabis are a vibrant and energetic lot!

I can’t help but wince when I hear someone’s from the Merchant Navy. The rationale being I’ve had quite a few friends in that field, and all of them more or less are birds of a feather, which gives me enough corroboration to group them all together as immoral individuals. Of course there are exceptions. There was this guy, my window to this turf (then rare and startling) who seemed a sincere and seedha-saadha Hindustani chhokra. But he confessed of having seen nude women doing vulgar dances in foreign bars and he also described in dirty detail about some uncouth games and activities they do there. Anyways, they earn good money and they visit lovely places abroad, which seems to justify the months they stay away from home and family.

So this other friend called me up the other day, and as I was saying, all birds of a feather, he was telling me about his girlfriend (that he changes every few months, sometimes weeks). I don’t know if this gang-bang thing works for them, but I know the same woman was being dated in turns (I hope!) by the entire guy-group. He found it very unsettling when his ex started going around with his friend in another city. I had to remind him he wasn’t serious about her in the first place, and besides, why mourn over a crush gone away? There are new ones waiting for him in the nation’s capital. Which seemed to soothe him. And then it was chitchat as usual.

I know for a fact that it’s not a guy or gal thing to fret over spoilt/lost love. Gone are the days when we could say that a woman’s love is for real and for ever, and guys are out to do timepass and masti with the gals. I’ve seen guys that have loved with all their heart and passion, and I’ve seen gals who have twisted guys around their little finger making them run around viciously. I’m not advocating or siding with either. But...

(The invincible BUT)

But... you sure cannot deny that a woman is more mature than a man her age. Which is why in India, arranged marriages almost always take place between a guy who is elder to the girl by a couple of years. (NOW you know!)

Women DO have a sixth sense. And as a very great person (I dunno who, but m sure he/she was great) once said – God can’t be there for everyone, so he made a mother... Intuitive and caring, patient and helpful. And every girl has a mother inside her. Which is why mothers, sisters, daughters are concerned about their sons, brothers and fathers. As my mum related to me last evening – our maid refused to let her daughter work in anyone’s house as a sweeper, her exact words “Main karungi, meri beti nahi karegi”. We’re very sure if it had been a father, not only would he have sent his daughter to work as a maid-servant, but also pinched away her earnings to fritter on booze and gamble. Maybe social and economic status affects men’s living and philosophy. But a woman is always a woman, anywhere, anytime.

Have you read Men are from Mars and Women from Venus by the Pease couple? It was an interesting book. Also the sequel - Why Men don’t listen and Women can’t read maps. I found myself smirking quite a few times, and also nodding earnestly more than a couple of times. Especially about how women analyze each and everything and men tend to ignore all that doesn’t involve food, sex, sleep and cricket/football (will share some facts in the subsequent posts, if you are interested). Maybe that is why when anyone wants to really TALK, he/she gets a woman to LISTEN and advise. After all, as Aby Baby said in Hum Tum – men may have stronger muscles, but at things of the heart, they can never equal women.

(Shucks, m sounding so biased about my own kinfolk! Sorry guys. Very unintended.)

And some personal experience: A girlfriend who chats for hours with a man, not giving a pennyworth’s thought about his telephone bill, is adored by the man who has nothing to say to his wife, and yet erupts when his wife suggests they should hang up instead of wasting money on holding on mutely. A boyfriend waits patiently for his girl who’s decking up for hours, but for his wife, it’s a “we’re leaving at 8 sharp so stay ready”. Everything about a lover (man/woman) is admired, and everything about a spouse is detested. (Check “Saathiya” or “Chalte Chalte” from Bollywood for further confirmation)

Why? Why do people (not just any one gender, I’m talking about both) change after marriage? Why do opinions not remain the same after tying the knot? Why do we so often hear that shaadi ke pehle baat aur hoti hai...? As I read somewhere, in a love marriage, the love ends when the marriage begins. Is that really true? And does love really grow in the minds and hearts of spouses tied together in arranged marriages or is it just a sense of unavoidable togetherness that has to last forever? Does sharing end after a love marriage as partners know all about each other and have nothing more to discuss? Or does a helpless and passive acceptance become the norm for couples in arranged marriages? Food for thought.

And here I stop again, with no idea where I started and no clue how I landed up at this end! Sometimes I feel I need that mask-kinda thing tied to horses’ faces that prevents them from looking away from the designated path.

But then is life really that exclusive and clear-cut?

On that note,


sumant said... are one men bashing babe ; ) Men are men..after all.

Unknown said...

hmmm...intersting story...whoz these so cald 'immoral individuals' btw...

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