It hurts so bad, this pain in my heart,
It makes my body go limp,
I feel so helpless,
While others see my smile and strength.
To be rejected by the only one that matters,
To feel unseen, unheard, unvalued.
I feel invisible, or worse,
Yet I feel glued to this spot,
Unable to let go.
Trauma bonding, and abuse.
And other terms that seem fictional.
But reality hits hard,
Where it hurts most.
Incapacitated, not by truth,
But the stories in my head.
Which don't serve me, but I hold on to.
Fearful of letting go,
Even though in my head I know,
A relatively unknown life,
Holds more promise,
Than this known agony.
I tell myself, I can do this,
I'm in control and charge of my life,
And my happiness,
Which I so richly deserve.
Surrounded by people,
Dealing with their own insecurities,
I get tagged, and blamed, and praised.
But the child in me,
Just wants to breathe easy.
Without the burden of guilt.
Free to choose and fail.
Break those chains.
Real and imaginary.
I want to look in the mirror,
Feel proud of the person I see there.
Not pity with tears welling in my eyes.
Love may or may not come along,
But I have a debt to repay to Respect.
Allowing myself to be trampled,
Is not what I thought I'd do.
I've got the world on my side,
I am my only enemy.
I will grow stronger.
Or I will let Fate decide.
Depends on which side of me wins.
Until losing is not an option anymore.