Thursday, January 27

Dirty Decade

9 years or more. A lifetime wasted.

When I knew on Day 0 that it was rotten.

And it wouldn't last. At least not happily.

When we met, he had a small mind and smaller bank account.

I didn't mind, coz love is a bitch.

Shows you fantasies you are stupid to believe.

And idiots in love don't pay heed to sense.

His mind still narrow, and his bank account depressing, despite his avoidance of duties, and ever increasing paycheck, coz he keeps gambling and losing it all without shame or guilt.

A pathetic liar, people pleaser,

He enjoys being exploited, doesn't even realise he is being used.

Values and IQs should be matched,

Not kundali and hollow words.

Devoid of brains, emotions and conscience,

He manages to impress the world,

Wolf in sheep's clothing, classic Dr. Jekyll and Hyde.

Living with him was hell everyday,

I was waiting to die, what more can I say.

Abused and harassed, more emotionally but also physically, 

In equal bits, verbally and financially.

I collapsed into depression, lost all self worth.

Begged him to stay though it was killing me each day.

The monotony, and the disregard,

I did not feel seen, heard, understood.

Lack of appreciation, heaped with hatred,

Blind worship for a selfish, uncivil bloodline,

That did not include me and his son in the construct of family.

Each happiness was a favor or crime,

Every joy loaded with guilt and anxiety.

The more I tried to help him grow,

The more he stunted me and mine.

Until the time I could take no more,

I'd done all I could, now I showed him the door.

We'd hit rock bottom, nothing could be worse,

His presence in my life was only a curse.

As I sit alone, in peace and quiet,

I wonder why me, without an answer,

Life could have been perfect, or so I believed,

But it had only caused misery, my faith and love for him.

And now there is no turning back,

I embrace life and all it has to offer,

It won't be a cakewalk, it never was,

But I'm stronger, and I am blessed,

And I can do this.

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